Dear High School or College Student,
As you are aware, Wikipedia was down on Wednesday. I know that you thought it was gone forever.
Let me clear something up for you. Wikipedia was not down because of a sofa.
Also, Wikipedia was not shut down because of soap.
Wikipedia was down in an effort to raise awareness over how damaging a bill called SOPA could be to the internet.
Apparently, Wikipedia is important to you. And I am sorry that Congress get in the way of you looking information up.
In fact, I’m a bit worried that you and your friends have a codependent relationship with Wikipedia.
By the way, you should not wait until the last minute to do your course assignments.
Wikipedia, and SOPA, and Congress, were not trying to hurt you or eff up your day on purpose. There was no nefarious plot to come between you and your essay that was due.
And I understand that you feel like if Wikipedia were to go away forever, that it would mean certain disaster for your educational career. Wikipedia is your trusted friend.
But I have something to share with you. There is another way for you to finish your project, pass your midterm, complete your homework and get your diploma.
I know this is going to sound absolutely barbaric, but once upon a time, there was no such thing as Wikipedia.
I know, I know. It’s okay. Don’t cry.
It’s going to be pretty rough. Those of us who lived in the the period we now call B.W. (Before Wikipedia) had a tough road. We struggled. We struggled mightily. But we managed. And we finished our homework. It took a long time. We had to leave the HOUSE, even, to do it. Can you IMAGINE?
You can still roll this way, you know. It’s not pretty. You’ve probably not heard of it. So I want to share it with you. You know, in case an emergency like this EVER happens again.
Don’t be scared of it. It’s okay! I know it’ll be hard for you to leave the house. I know you’ll have to figure out how to use this totally bizarro thing called a card catalog. There’s this other language called the Dewey Decimal system that you’ll need a translator for in order to find what you need. I know that you’ll have to open up an actual book. With like, paper in it. Which might give you a paper cut, also, so beware.
I have to go take care of the sofa now. And the soap.
An Old Person