Twitter is not just a social media platform.
It is a being, a huge, sentient being. Kind of like the Borg on Star Trek: a massive collective that often comes together in one singular thought.
Twitter is groupthink at its best. Yes, you can get differing opinions on Twitter, but Twitter has a personality of its own – something larger than the sum of its parts.
Because I’ve started to think of Twitter as one person with infinite knowledge, it has occurred to me that it is helpful in a variety of ways in my life – ways I never imagined.
What is Twitter good for?
Twitter will always tell you it’s not too early to start happy hour.
Twitter will sympathize when your kids are screaming and you want to whine about it.
Twitter will agree when you call someone a douchebag, assclown, or jackhole. And Twitter will tell you you are funny.
Twitter will provide you with dinner ideas when you’re considering slapping some shredded cheese on a heel of bread and passing it off to your kids as a quesadilla.
Twitter will tell you that one of the hotels you’re considering booking on vacation is one step above a motel right out of a Starsky and Hutch episode. Or it will tell you that it’s so palatial and the beds are so comfortable that even Kate Moss doesn’t feel her own bony hips when she sleeps there.
Twitter will help you find every life coach, lactation pro, social media guru, crafter, marketing strategist, technophile, SEO expert, doula, frugal couponer and Buddhist on the face of the planet.
Twitter will always have a party you can attend if you are bored.
Twitter will talk with you about poop, bikini lines, vomit, ear hair, pee, cellulite, boogers, and skin tags – often as part of the same conversation.
Twitter will agree with you that Google Reader sucks, iPhone rocks, Wal-Mart is scary, Starbucks needs a better rewards program and that the Real Housewives of Orange County are whack.
Twitter will not judge you, because Twitter always knows somebody who’s done something worse than you just did.
Twitter will let you confess sins, bemoan other people, voice outcry and best of all, be passive-aggressive.
Weigh in: what else is Twitter good for?