Waiting Is The Hardest Part

by Gigi Ross on January 5, 2011

What I Do While Waiting For Really Important, Life-changing Responses From 2 People On Opposite Coasts

(thank you to Lori at Martha Points for inspiring this format)

6:20 a.m. Check email from phone sitting on bedside table. While loading, turn on laptop.

6:23 a.m. See that said people have not responded. Heart sinks.

6:25 a.m. Abandon phone for laptop, as dumbphone requires me to squint. Swear once again I am not ready for reading glasses.

6:28 a.m. Check email from laptop, as important news may have arrived in last 3 minutes.

6:29 a.m. See that East Coast person and West Coast person have not responded. Heart sinks.

6:35 a.m. Calculate current time of day on West Coast. Encouraged that it is 4:25 a.m. and person could not have feasibly responded overnight unless insomniac.

6:39 a.m. Calculate current time of day on East Coast. Justify lack of response by telling myself that person is likely stuck in a cab in Manhattan traffic with a driver who speaks a little-known dialect of Namibia.

6:45 a.m. Wonder if East Coast person has iPhone, rendering him able to answer email in traffic.

6:50 a.m. Forcibly remove myself from desk area to wake up children.

7:00 a.m. Think about whether I have received an email while telling Little CEO for the 756th time this morning to brush her teeth for the love of God.

7:20 a.m. Take children to school. Curse self for forgetting to bring dumbphone in car so I could check my email.

7:40 a.m. Arrive home from school dropoff. Racked with indecision as to whether first a) put teapot on to boil or b) check email.

7:55 a.m. Conclude Krispy Kreme donut will aid decision; ingest.

8:00 a.m. Put teapot on to boil.

8:02 a.m. Check email for response from East Coast person. No response.

8:04 a.m. Ignore tea kettle whistling.

8:08 Check volume of dumbphone to ensure I haven’t missed a call from husband, who may have heard from West Coast person.

8:15 a.m. Run to stove; clean up burned shards of bottom of teapot which has boiled dry.

8:30 a.m. Browse available dumbphone ringtones to select one which I can hear from any room in the house so as not to miss call from husband, who may have heard from West Coast person.

8:45 a.m. Racked with indecision over choice between Ringtone #1, The Thong Song, or Ringtone #2, American Idiot.

9:05 a.m. Mull decision over  bowl of Cheerios.

9:07 a.m. Realize I have already eaten breakfast. Finish bowl of Cheerios.

9:30 a.m. Poll people on Twitter for ringtone choice. Twitter says American Idiot. Twitter is too young to know who Cisco is.

9:31 a.m. Get spammed on Twitter by a man wearing a rhinestone thong. It may be Cisco.

9:55 a.m. Check email for response from East Coast person. No response. Check date on laptop calendar; ensure it is a weekday. Wonder if I have left children at school with no one there.

10:20 a.m. Check email for response from West Coast person. No response. Email husband to see if he has had a response.

10:47 a.m. Call husband to see if he got email asking if he had a response from West Coast person. Husband does not answer.

11:15 a.m. Stalk West Coast person on Linked In for clues.

11:36 a.m. Racked with indecision as to add West Coast person as connection on Linked In.

11:45 a.m. Stalk East Coast person on Google for clues.

12:14 p.m. Racked with indecision as to hire private investigator to assess whether East Coast person is alive.

12:38 p.m. Conclude lunch will help indecision. Racked with indecision as to whether to leave the house to get Subway or eat a cheese stick so as not to miss important email from East Coast person or West Coast person.

12:42 p.m. Eat cheese stick.

12:45 p.m. Eat Krispy Kreme donut.

12:57 p.m. Crave hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. Racked with indecision as to whether it is too early to have peppermint schnapps.

1:14 p.m. Poll Twitter to see if it is too early to have peppermint schnapps. Twitter says no, not too early.

1:15 p.m. Make hot chocolate. Cannot find peppermint schnapps. Drink hot chocolate.

1:34 p.m. Look on Facebook to see if I have any mutual friends with East Coast person.

1:37 p.m. Consider adding East Coast person as a friend, decide I am hungry again.

1:53 p.m. Check email on dumbphone with one hand while I put Tater Tots in the toaster oven with other. No response from West Coast person or East Coast person.

2:15 p.m. Realize husband had not responded to voicemail. Send email with subject line “ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE.”

2:42 p.m. Husband calls; asks me to edit subject lines of emails as he was using his laptop for a presentation with a client and email popped up on screen.

2:47 p.m. Realize that payback of email faux pas will be a bitch tonight.

3:19 p.m.Realize that school pickup was at 2:40.

3:25 p.m.  Racked with indecision as to whether it’s worse to admit being late for school pickup or worse to blame nonexistent local grandparent with dementia for failing to pick up children.

3:30 p.m. Poll Twitter on whether it’s worse to admit being late or worse to blame nonexistent local grandparent. Twitter says much worse to admit being late.

3:50 p.m. Realize I should check spam folder of my email before heading out to pick up abandoned children in case email got misrouted. No response from West Coast person or East Coast person.

4:00 p.m. Pick kids up at principal’s office. Apologize that the children’s local grandparent had a bout of dementia and forgot them. Slide $50 check made out to PTA across principal’s desk. Take kids to get an Icee.

4:20 p.m. Check email on dumbphone while kids eat Icees and sing about subliminal mind fucks, America.

5:05 p.m. Arrive home. Realize dinner has not been prepared.

5:07 p.m. Dumbphone rings. Husband says he has left work, home in twenty.

5:14 p.m. Racked with indecision as to whether to tell husband the chicken I planned to make was rotten or that I promised the kids pizza for good behavior.

5:20 p.m. Poll Twitter as to whether I should tell husband chicken is rotten or that I promised the kids pizza.

5:22 p.m. Twitter says I should tell him I promised the kids pizza.

5:23 p.m. Order pizza. Check email. No responses.

5:31 p.m. Husband arrives. Tell him that I worked hard today on building a blog business and that I need to run up to my laptop to check email.

5:40 p.m. Pizza arrives. Husband feeds kids while I kick myself for not checking secondary email account earlier in the day.

5:41 p.m.  No response from East Coast person or West Coast person on secondary email.

5:43 p.m. Eat 7 slices of pizza.

6:02 p.m. Sit on toilet with dumbphone checking two email accounts while kids take showers. Narrowly miss dropping dumbphone in toilet.

6:04 p.m. Racked with indecision as to whether I should “accidentally” drop dumbphone in toilet to have reason to buy iPhone or smash it to bits with a meat mallet and blame the children.

6:07 p.m. Poll Twitter; Twitter says drop it in the toilet.

6:10 p.m. Scream for husband that dumbphone fell in the toilet.

6:11 p.m. Husband has Googled solution to drying out dumbphone without there being any damage. Curse husband under breath. Check email on laptop, no response from East Coast person.

6:12 p.m. Consider that East Coast person is eating fancy sushi dinner in swanky Manhattan restaurant.

7:22 p.m. Consider that West Coast person is eating fancy sushi dinner in swanky San Diego restaurant.

7:25 p.m. Eat Krispy Kreme.

9:02 p.m. Decide that this is blog fodder.

9:14 p.m. Begin serving husband several beers consecutively so as to induce passing out so I may write blog post.

9:55 p.m. Finish blog post. Check email for response from West Coast person. Realize I won’t hear directly from West Coast person; husband needs to forward me the response. Curse self for drugging husband, who is now incapable of checking email.

Repeat it all the next day.


Missy @ Wonder, Friend January 5, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Oh, god, I’m dying. HYSTERICAL.

Also feel 100% better knowing I’m not the only person who obsessively checks email when waiting on something. I cannot go more than two or three minutes without checking, but then when I finally get it? I have to play cool, like I wasn’t checking all day long. I wait, sometimes up to 20 minutes, before responding. 😉

Tractor Mom January 5, 2011 at 9:14 pm

They have a name for that…emailaphobia. It’s not curable but you can control it by joining Email Annonyous. They have a 10 step plan that has really helped me. I highly recommend them…

kludgymom January 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm

really? who woulda thunk? :)

angela January 5, 2011 at 9:26 pm

This cracked me up. I was supposed to be listening to DH tell a story, but it was a funny story, so I could half listen & half finish reading.

Also, I am sorry I am not more regular on twitter, because I am definitely old enough to know who Cisco is, and I don’t think it’s possible to beat a Thong Song ringtone :)

In order to help prevent the same thing from happening next time, use the 8:00 teapot boiling time to throw something into the crockpot, so at least dinner is done!

kludgymom January 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm

I am glad you agree with my love of The Thong Song!

Sherri January 5, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Oh Gigi, I’m dying here!

See? We are busy during our days at home, BUSY I say!

I would have had several more donuts in that time span, but that’s just me.

Hang in there! Love this post…

kludgymom January 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm

I was embarrassed about my donut intake, so I edited a few dozen out. I have an image to uphold, right?

Dena January 6, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Never apologize for Krispy Kreme intake!

megan January 5, 2011 at 9:38 pm

lmbo.. wow you crack me up all the time. I was having a horrible day what with being sick and waiting for this stupid email and having a 11 month old that has decided tantrums are in these days… Thanks for the laugh!

p.s. wish I was on twitter totally know cisco and I could have pointed you towards a ring tone I got for my grandmother… here is a link to it on phone zoo. My 80 year old grandmother finds this hilarious and will sometimes let the phone ring for shits and giggles. http://www.phonezoo.com/ringtone/193754773/hello-it-s-your-cell-phone-team-pennington.htm

kludgymom January 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm

OMG. Your grandmother is precious :) I hope you feel better soon!!!

Cheryl @ Mommypants January 5, 2011 at 9:43 pm

So nothing from the West Coast? Is that what I’m getting from this post?

I think I will eat a Krispy Kreme in solidarity.

kludgymom January 5, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Thank you for your support, Twin. Nothing so far, but word on the street is that he’s terribly busy.

MommaKiss January 6, 2011 at 9:05 am

“terribly busy” eating sushi.

AZLB January 5, 2011 at 10:58 pm

been there…the only thing missing is where you hit your head against the wall wishing you had put read receipt on the email so you would know that they had actually read it and not responded or just that they haven’t read it yet…as they weren’t obsessing over email as I was!

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Oh…if gmail only had a read receipt!

Do they? must go check now.

Jackie January 5, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Best line ever, “12:57 p.m. Crave hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. Racked with indecision as to whether it is too early to have peppermint schnapps.”

Love, love, love this post. Perhaps because it rings all so close to my obsessively checking of things self. Good thing I have an iPhone! :)

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I tell myself the iPhone will make my obsessive nature less prominent. that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Stephanie January 6, 2011 at 12:47 am

Oh what a day. Sorry you didn’t hear back from them.

Ashley @ Just Another Mom Of 2 January 6, 2011 at 6:24 am

I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry with you! I really hope that you not only receive feedback soon from both coasts, but that both parties return to you with the answers you are hoping to find.

Also? It’s always five o’clock somewhere. Always. Especially after noon.

Kelly January 6, 2011 at 6:57 am

Oh, my goodness Gigi!! You are on a roll!! Just when I thought I could stop laughing long enough to post a comment, you throw up a new one!!!

I have some back tracking to do…but this. This was funny.

I so hope that you finally got those emails!!

Shailender @ Travel India January 6, 2011 at 7:19 am

Well, Everybody will be agreeing with you. Waiting is something that nobody likes specially today’s dynamic and fast pace life. It doesn’t matter whether you are waiting for a mail or waiting for your friends to go our and have fun. I remember one incidence when I was waiting for friends so that we can go for Spiderman 2, my friends were late only 15 minutes but it felt me like 15 hours. But waiting learns you patience.

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Definitely teaches you patience…agreed! Thanks for coming by!

JDaniel4's Mom January 6, 2011 at 7:55 am

I love how doughnuts carry you through the day along with Twitter.

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Really, does a girl need anything else?

liz January 6, 2011 at 9:01 am

Dude, when did the East Coast get involved?!?! I need updates on this saga!

kludgymom January 6, 2011 at 11:22 am

it’s a different opportunity for me, not hubs, on the east coast.

MommaKiss January 6, 2011 at 9:04 am

9:03am, MommaKiss snorts continuously whilst reading KludgyMom post as this could EASILY be MK’s day.

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:45 pm

misery loves company….right?

KLZ January 6, 2011 at 9:06 am


Isn’t Twitter just the best?

TheKitchenWitch January 6, 2011 at 9:12 am

You make me laugh–probably because I do my own little version of this response-dance.

Kimberly January 6, 2011 at 9:20 am

I love how twitter peer pressures you to drink and lie. What would we ever do without twitter? Live boringly no doubt 😉

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I cannot imagine my life without it now!

Christina January 6, 2011 at 9:50 am

Too funny! I feel your pain Gigi, been there, do that, plan to wear the t-shirt daily.
It’s kind of like watching a pot of water boil, takes wayyyy too long.

Alexandra January 6, 2011 at 10:29 am

Oh, I want to laugh, but the waiting breaks my heart. It makes for the longest day…and yes, you have the best coping skills for that.

In fact, you could do a coping skills camp for us!

Krispy Kreme and Schnaaps.

The only possible salve.

And,yikes to hubby and the subject email. I hate effin’ up like that.

I hope you have good news. I really, really do.

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:40 pm

I’m telling you that I may start the Krispy Kreme and Schnapps diet.

Leigh Ann January 6, 2011 at 10:58 am

This had me cracking up in bed last night as I read it on my dumbphone. Well done (as was Lori’s)!

I do the same thing as Missy…stress stress stress, and then when I finally do get the email I am looking for, I put off responding so I don’t look like a pathetic jerk glued to my email. :)

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Absolutely! We have to still look calm, cool and collected. Or drugged.

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points January 6, 2011 at 11:40 am

“Blame non-existent local grandparents.”

That’s my favorite part.

After the donut eating.

Sadly, my kids DO have a local grandparent, and if she got word that i was blaming my screw-ups on her dementia there’d be hell to pay.

I’ll just have to wait till she actually HAS it.

Betsy January 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm

The twitter polls were by far my favorite part. I need to start polling twitter whenever indecision strikes me; it seems so efficient!

Kerry January 6, 2011 at 12:50 pm

thoroughly enjoyed! I polled Twitter and Twitter agreed.

Diane January 6, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Hilarious! I could not stop laughing. Sounds very much like days I have. Makes me feel better to know I’m not the only crazy one! LOL!

Wombat Central January 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Great post.

Also, I will now be singing, “Thong thong thong thong thonggg” for the remainder of the day. I thank you.

Laura January 6, 2011 at 1:57 pm

OMG, I’m not the only one that does this crap! I feel so normal.

And OMG, this is hilarious. I love it.

Tisha January 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Thanks for my next excuse if I’m ever late again to pick up my daughter from school. I love it! (although my kid would SO call me out on it….so back to the drawing board, dang it!)

Mrs. Tuna January 6, 2011 at 2:23 pm

My personal crack-cocaine is checking my blog for comments. I should be working on an office email right now, but no……I’m surfing other peoples posts./

Poppy January 6, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Hmmmm, somehow I’m going to work your parents into my excuse for being late to pick up my kid from preschool becuase I’m reading/laughing at your pain rather than in the car where I should be.

ash January 6, 2011 at 2:51 pm

My stomach is doing flips for you. Not so much from the anxiety, but from the thoughts of what that many donuts might do to a human’s intestinal tract.

I might have to conduct my own experiment to find out.

Don’t you love science?

(I totally feel your pain on the e-mail/presentation thing. Seems my son’s teacher has the same set up, and all his buds got a heads up on his spitting incident in school. “No Subject” is always the way to go.)

Natalie January 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I love when Lori does it and I love this one! The waiting’s killing me too :)

Dana January 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Omg sooooo funny! I love how you check your email in the bathroom. I try to explain to my husband that i am not the only one! Hahahah thanks or the great laughs!!

AmyLynn January 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

This is fabulous! Did you ever get your answer? I am obssessive like this sometimes. It is hard to keep from going nuts!! I really like your wit and humor-

Nina January 6, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Oh no!! Is it to wait to hear from a literary agent?? Because I’ve been there. (Not with good results, sadly)

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:56 pm

it’s not really a literary agent, but it’s a writing job (at least the East coast thing is). The west coast thing is a job opp for my husband.

Laurie @mylivingpower January 6, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Yeah, I get annoyed at my 2 year old for making it so hard on me to get rid of the pacifiers. A therapist I know says our tech stuff is the adult version… :)

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Wow, that’s a great analogy. Social media and electronics = adult pacifier. I love it!

NotJustAnotherJennifer January 6, 2011 at 5:05 pm

LOVE that you call it your dumbphone. :) Too bad hubby knew the secrets to save it. And kudos to Lori for the inspiration for the format.

Hang in there. I know it’s tough to wait. Hope you get the news you want!

Megan (Best of Fates) January 6, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I loved your twitter lead-in, that’s just how I felt about my post today!

And you’re right, this is hilarious. My favorite part is the krispy kreme doughnuts.

Mrs. Jen B January 6, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Gigi, do the world a favor and start your own self-help series about coping with stress and waiting. You have the BEST techniques and you’d make millions! And then be able to hire people to do pesky things like picking up the kids, making dinner and buying more KK’s – it’s a win, all around.

I hope your news is good news!

I hope

Brittany at Mommy Words January 6, 2011 at 5:11 pm

I toiced a few things. First you get rid of your kids so early! Jealousy is eating away at me. I will think of you every morning as I wait for 9 am. Also I will think of you when I pick them up at 12.30 and you have hours left.

Other than that, I am obsessive about checking too and feel that the time for a cocktail feels earlier and eariler the more times I check.

And I would do anything for an iphone…except switch to AT&T. But my blackberry must go…probably in the toilet.

Thanks for the laugh lady!

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I know you and I are both waiting for iPhone to come to Verizon, right?

Hutch January 6, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Tom Petty could not have been more right! My roommate calls me “cerebral” saying I’m too much in my head sometimes. Good to know I’m not alone :)

Also, the twats are a bunch of enablers. It’s why I like them.

Any answers yet?

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Twenablers…a new word, perhaps?

Nichole January 6, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Sweet Jeebus, Gigi!
This is comedic brilliance.
I am racked with indecision between wanting you to hear something from one of the damn coasts and you not hearing something so that you have more blog material!

Tatter Scoops January 6, 2011 at 6:59 pm

OMG Gigi! You are so crackin me up! LMAO! Now I have serious sushi cravings

The Drama Mama January 6, 2011 at 7:11 pm

OMG I’m rolling here. I love that you consult twitter with a poll for everything, Bwahahahahaha. Hi. larious.

Renee January 6, 2011 at 7:22 pm

This was fantastic! A Day In the Life!

I obsessively check my email. For no reason.

Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds January 6, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Oh the torture! I’m anxious to read what the private investigator comes up with!

alicia January 6, 2011 at 8:41 pm

You are too funny girl. It’s amazing how you can take something so tedious and make it so great.

Tonya January 6, 2011 at 9:52 pm

I love this!! You are a comedic genius.

I love that you call the iPhone a dumbphone and that I now want to have, gotta have a Krispy Kreme.

Kelley January 7, 2011 at 12:15 am

This was hysterical! I love how blunt and dry you are about crazy topics. It’s hilarious!

Shell January 7, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Was cracking up at your post from yesterday! Though, I have to admit that I am SO curious as to the news you are waiting on.

joann mannix January 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

2:01-Stomach in knots because thanks to my in-laws who are *sob* staying with us temporarily, I have not been able to visit any of my best blog friends.

2:02-Calm my anxiety with some William Sonoma Peppermint Tree Bark which is *sob* almost gone thanks to my lack of will power over my resolution to start eating right.

2:03-Lock myself in my bedroom, claiming diarrhea because really? Doesn’t diarrhea keep everyone away.

2:04-Apparently not, since my mother-in-law is knocking on the door to see if I need some Pepto and to chat some more. *Sob*

2:10-Finish chatting with mother-in-law with feigned cramps as I wrap my arms around my stomach and run to the bathroom, surreptitiously pulling my laptop in with me.

2:14-Still wiping the tears from my eyes with toilet paper from the ridiculous funny of this post. Genius, my friend. Pure and utter genius. So beautiful. And are you copying my day in the life with the constant checking of the emails and the profanity laced emails to hubs and the forgetting of the children because we have the same life!

2:15-Start writing a comment to tell you how awesome this post was.

2:33-Finally finish writing the comment thanks to interruptions of my mother-in-law who came to the door to read me her newest Obama email. It seems she has found his birth certificate and it’s not pretty.

You done good, my friend. Simply a work of genius.

kludgymom January 7, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Oh, please turn your day with in laws into a post like this! Please, please! I got the idea from lori, we should pass it on!!! OMG! it’s the start of a very funny post!

Kris January 13, 2011 at 2:25 pm

I am laughing so hard.

This is me! Except I have an iPhone. And no donuts. And no one important who is supposed to call me with news of any sort.

Damn it.

I need a donut.

You are way way funny.

sparkling74 January 13, 2011 at 9:31 pm

tried to have a non tech day the other day because my days are becoming a little more like this every day. i succeeded for a while.

i’m really worried about your diet…

Erika January 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Mmmmm. Krispy Kreme. Yum.

Hilarious post!

Sandra January 16, 2011 at 5:59 pm

This was hilarious! I need to remember the drugging of husband and dropping phone in the crapper. Although, I did that once before and the thing still fricken works…
Gigi you are hilarious! I simply adore you!

Tiffany @MomNom January 17, 2011 at 12:41 pm

I’m just glad I’m not the only one…phew.

undomestic housewife January 18, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Oh my! I loved this! I’m the most impatient person ever, so I would have probably followed the same routine — I hate waiting, and I check my email twenty million times in a day when I’m waiting for an email. Hope you got your response.

Hopped over from Pretty All True’s Featured Bloggers list.. :)

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting January 24, 2011 at 1:49 pm

HAHA, LOVE IT!! Seriously, this is SO me. I did an entire week called “A Week In My Life” last year when my husband went away, I documented the CRAZINESS I endured with my six kids. Check it out, if you’d like! http://www.crazyadventuresinparenting.com/2010/04/week-in-my-life-day-1-sunday.html

Handy Man, Crafty Woman June 16, 2011 at 12:11 am

oh my gosh, that is so hilarious!! Great read!

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