Unrequited Love

by Gigi Ross on July 19, 2010

You found this person somewhere. Maybe you can’t even remember where, or when. But…there was an instant attraction. Maybe it was their sense of humor. Their style. The things they shared in common with you. Whatever it was, you were drawn to this person, and kept wanting more.

You reached out to the person, trying to establish a connection.

Only your attentions weren’t really reciprocated. Sure, there may have been a polite response back, a casual hello, but no real level of engagement.

You’ve been there, right?

Except I’m not talking about this type of unrequited love:

Nope. I’m talking about UBL: Unrequited Blogger Love.

Have you had a case of this yet? I have. This is when you really like a blogger and they don’t seem to like you back, despite your best efforts to comment, praise, encourage and support the person. {mega-huge bloggers do not count here, BTW}

I suffered my case of UBL a few months back. While I’ve blogged about food for a long while, I was new to the often-strange and vector-image-filled world of mom blogging. I found this blogger and I was just enamored. Her blog was cute. She seemed to have really excited and engaged followers. She did cool things and had cool giveaways. She quickly became my Bloggy Idol. Not in a sick, stalker way, mind you. It was all admirable and on the up and up with me. I wanted to learn from her, and we had some things in common.

I started commenting on her blog. Not on *every* post. That would seem too desperate! But I’d lay down some interesting things to say on a few of her posts every week. And then I’d wait, like a kid waits for Santa Claus to arrive. Maybe she’ll come to my blog and comment! , I’d think to myself excitedly.

I think I got 2 comments back. Both were short and didn’t really warrant any further response from me.

Just like in a dating situation, UBL can make one question one’s worth.  I wondered if my comments weren’t witty or cool enough. I thought maybe I was a total latecomer to her big party, she having a couple hundred followers and all (which seemed HUGE to me back then). I thought maybe my blog just really sucked hard and that’s why she didn’t visit or become a follower.

This weighed on me for days. And then I stopped commenting on her blog for awhile. It wasn’t doing me any good! A few weeks ago, I checked back in at her blog, just to see what was up.

It was kind of like seeing an old high school boyfriend at your 20 year reunion that isn’t nearly as attractive now as he was back then. It’s interesting to look at that same blog through a much different lens than a few months ago. No longer a scared newbie blogger, I thought, “this blog isn’t all that.”

And then I started to panic…am I ever on the other side of UBL? I got a sick feeling thinking that there might be a blogger out there who really likes my site and to whom I don’t give the time of day. I would hate for anyone to feel as I did. Which is, in part, why I’ve started my Saturday Surprise Stalker feature – to show my followers that I do realize people and visits might slip through the cracks, and that I’ll make my best efforts to visit as many of them as I can.

This isn’t meant as a slam to anyone’s blog. It’s more to point out that what seems like a big deal when you start blogging is all relative.

Have you had a case of UBL? How did you handle it?


Maureen July 19, 2010 at 1:43 am

Oh I can so relate, Gigi!
I too has had my ‘virtual heart’ broken because the blogger I had a ‘bloggy crushed’ on didn’t even realize that I exist hahaha. What do I do? Just move on…found more awesome bloggers out there who return the love I have for their blogs. One of them is definitely you!

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 8:00 am

You’re one of my earliest bloggy friends, Maureen! And what I love about your blog is that it gives me a view into a whole other world – I love it! :)

Chocoholic July 19, 2010 at 1:52 am

I love your new feature- Saturday Suprise Stalker! I’m considering doing something similar myself.

Lindsay {Designer Wife} July 19, 2010 at 2:06 am

WHEW! I’m soooooo glad that you said this first! I thought I was the only one worried about such things.

Pretty much same case here. One of my favorite bloggers who has an adorable blog, the cutest post ideas, amazing giveaways, etc, etc. On top of that, she and I have so much in common AND… turns out, we live in the same city. Sounds stalker-ish, but it’s nothing beyond the blog, LOL.

Anyway, I did the same… leaving comments, participating in challenges, linked back a couple of times. I think I got one… maybe two, comments back.

Bloggy heart shattered, I haven’t returned in a while. Feels like running in to the highschool crush, huh? Maybe I’ll visit this week. Fingers crossed!

Great post! Enjoy your week :)


gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 7:55 am

Thanks for the comment! It’s really refreshing to know I am not the only one who experienced these feelings. “bloggy heart shattered” sums it up so well!

I was actuallly thinking about your blog the other day and wondering why it was not showing up in my feed, because I swore I subscribed. So I”m so glad you commented – it got my butt in gear to come back and re-subscribe (Google has kicked about good blogs out of my feed, but why does it always keep the ones I don’t read?)

blackhuff July 19, 2010 at 2:12 am

I’ve had a similar experience. Also reached out to a fellow blogger, tried to make witty and cool comments but she never visited my blog ever. I felt sad and felt that my blog is not interesting. It hurt!
I have commented for about a month on her blog posts and never did I see a comment from her. So I had to made the decision if I wanted to read her blog again. I decided with “yes” because whether she do comment on my blog or not, I like reading hers, so I still stop by hers every day. It’s just sad that you do get bloggers who does not take the time to comment, even if it is just a “LOL” or “hallo” comment every now and then.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 7:51 am

I have found, since my blog has grown a little from where it started, that it is very difficult to get around to everyone. I have a good friend who does it very well, I just don’t know how she ever sleeps :) haha! I do the same thing with some blogs, where I read them still but maybe don’t comment as often as I used to because obviously, a bloggyfriend relationship is not going to happen.

I’m almost thinking about making my Surprise Stalker thing where I feature a couple of blogs each week, just so I can try to visit as many as I can. it’s a good forcing function.

Sara July 19, 2010 at 4:42 am

What a great post. I gave a few awards to a few people awhile back when I had just started blogging who never responded to me in any way, but checked my site a bunch of times. It still boggles me to this day. We have all seen less than stellar blogs out there. If you haven’t then you have one of them. No one should ever worry that they aren’t whatever enough. There are millions of people out there, and if you can be yourself and get just a few people who like what you say even once in a while you have won. Think of all the other things they could be doing instead of commenting on your blog right now 😉

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 7:49 am

So true, Sara! We do have to get past wanting to please everyone. That anyone out in the big world reads our blogs is so cool in and of itself!

Catch the Kids July 19, 2010 at 6:38 am

I started my blog to practise writing regularly and keep a record of life. Nothing more. It’s amazing how this reader/follower thing then creeps up on you! Yes, I’ve had the ignore thing happen to me. I just try to roll with the punches and continue with my original goal.

One other problem is that I am a cyber-clutz and keep zapping things – comments, replies, blog posts. Often I go to comment or try to reply and Psshhtzz! Whoops, there goes another one…

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 7:30 am

oh, isn’t that the worst when you lose a nice long comment? It isn’t you. It’s Blogger. I’m convinced of it. That, or I’m a cyberclutz too. :)

Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds July 19, 2010 at 7:02 am

When I first started, I commented on another blog from Pittsburgh. I’m from Pgh, she’s from Pgh, I thought she’d read my blog and feel that ‘burgh feeling.

She never reciprocated.

I just went back over the weekend and commented again. Then I read a post she wrote about how she is “a terrible commenter” owing to the fact that she’s “frequently so blown away by other’s writing that she has nothing to say”.


So now I know that she reads my blog all of the time, but she’s at a loss for words.

And I don’t feel the need to visit hers anymore.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 7:25 am

haha!!! I love this reply!!!! It’s funny how we think that geography alone sometimes can form a connection with someone. It can’t. :)

Love your attitude!

Leanne July 19, 2010 at 7:27 am

Gigi – I COMPLETELY relate! Yes, I’ve experienced my share of UBL. (Oh, the pressure we put on ourselves!) I left a number of comments on blog that I just adored – and received no love in return. I found myself going through a nasty break-up with that blog. I may visit from time to time, but I don’t always leave a comment. (Kind of like when I used to drive past the Coconuts Record Store parking lot when I was 17 – just to see if an old crush was still working there. Gees – so glad the record store guy passed me up. Life is really much better now!)

Sometimes, though, if I see the X (blogger, that is) commenting on other blogs – I feel a little . . . jealous. (It’s SO silly). That’s when I usually go and visit the blog of a good blog friend – someone who “gets” me and who I “get”, in return.

My therapist says I should have these feelings worked out in another week or so! Thanks for helping me with that! 😉

p.s. I’ve always though your Sunday Surprise Stalker post was really the BEST – and now this confirms it even more! Really – such an awesome thing to do! I’m sure you are making your stalked blogs so thrilled to be recognized!! Good Job!

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 7:29 am

OMG. That I know what a Coconuts record store is makes me feel REALLY old. :) It is a nasty, one-sided breakup when you go through the UBL, isn’t it? Thanks for coming by, as always. I”m glad to be getting some good response on the Stalker post!

Shell July 19, 2010 at 7:56 am

Oh, yes, it definitely happens! But, there are some people who just don’t comment back. They are there to write their blogs and that’s it.

Though, I have to admit that there a few people who have commented kind of regularly on mine but they are no-reply and their blogs aren’t in their profile- so maybe some of those people are one who have bloggy crushes on other blogs and that’s why they don’t get blog love back?

There is a blog that I totally adore and have stalked for months, but she’s never been to my blog that I know of. Oh, well.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:14 am

true, Shell: I didn’t have my email on my blogger profile for the longest time (didn’t realize that people even used it to reply back).

AmyBlam July 19, 2010 at 7:58 am

Ugh-it really does stink. I had an experience with a blogger a couple of months ago-loved her writing, she made me laugh, left several “good” comments and…nada. And then she actually had the nerve to post one day about how she has too many readers to respond to comments.
Maybe it’s a Southern thing-but I think that’s rude. No matter how many comments I get, I always try to reply to them on my blog if it makes sense AND go to their site and leave a comment. Granted, I don’t usually bother much with the “nice blog” comments but still…

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:15 am

I try to at a minimum respond to the comment (which hopefully now gets emailed directly to them, I hope this plugin is working!). I seem to forget to go back to their blog in my list of to-dos, but I’m trying to now do it as soon as I read their comment, so I don’t forget. Aging sucks. :)

Pink Pockets July 19, 2010 at 7:59 am

UBL – there IS a name for it – I knew it. Thanks for expressing what we all have felt at one time or another. Very well said.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:16 am

Thanks for reading, Diane! Hope the project is going well :)

Anjie July 19, 2010 at 8:58 am

I’ve had two cases so far. Both heartbreaking. I got so excited when I found someone who I had something in common with and thought they would share in my excitement, but was mistaken. Now, I just read and comment when I can. I just hope my loyalty will pay off someday.

Donna July 19, 2010 at 9:09 am

I have found a few people in the blogging world that I love (you being one) and I comment and they comment back. I find that people either comment on other blogs or not. Maybe it is their personality. They would rather stalk, than be heard. I have to admit, there are some blogs that I wish the writer would recognize me, but they are usually the “people with tons of followers”, and don’t have the time for the lowly like me. I’ve learned to just enjoy the commenters I have.

Good thing you went back and looked and thought what you did. And good thing it didn’t stop you from blogging.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:17 am

It’s awesome that you’ve gotten to that happy blogging place where you enjoy what you get. It’s sort of like when you wanted to date the football player in high school and didn’t realize all of the cool guys who liked you right under your nose :) Why waste time on someone who doesn’t want to spend time with you? Unless you’re ok with a one-way street – which in some cases in blogland, is perfectly fine!

MommaKiss July 19, 2010 at 9:09 am

Such a great topic, I’m sure it happens to many of us. I agree with someone up there – that some bloggers just do not comment back. But then when you think that, and you see them on another person’s blog, well then I get the jealous feeling. That said – if I really like their humor, I keep commenting. One day they’ll realize how incredible I am 😉

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:18 am

:) We know you’re incredible :) Someday people will say, “who’s dooce and the pioneer woman? I just follow Mommakiss!”

denice July 19, 2010 at 9:17 am

Yes, I have run in to this too! It has not quite been a heartbreak for me, just more of a disappointment. I feel if I have time to comment, others should too! =)

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:20 am

Well, heartbreak is probably a strong word (writer’s embellishment!!! hee hee!) But definitely disappointment. What’s fascinating to me is that some of the same dynamics that go on IRL between women are the same ones that go on in bloggyland.

Megan @ motherhoodunedited July 19, 2010 at 9:22 am

Being a newbie myself I can totally relate. I am at that point where I have some good stuff on my blog but am trying to get it into gear and look more professional which is harder than it seems because of my 5 month old 😛 I have a bloggy crush right now and my crush ignores me too -sob- but its okay because there are plenty of other blogs out there and like previous poster said I still read regardless of comment backs or not.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 10:31 am

how anyone could blog with a little baby is beyond me! Of course, sometimes I wonder how I blog with a 7 and 5 year old who have to be chauffered everywhere!

MommaKiss July 19, 2010 at 9:23 am

Um. Dooce? no idea who you’re referring to :p

Helen McGinn July 19, 2010 at 10:06 am

I too would hate to think I’d done that (and yes, been there). I remember when I was the featured blogger on SITS and I think I got about 100 new followers of not more…I lost count after a while; I was overwhelmed but spent hours and hours replying to every one via email, knowing I would visit their blogs next, just to realise that most bloggers have their mail directed towards a no email site. I was devastated and it actually put me off blogging for a while. I feel there are bloggers out there I never, ever responded too and I hate that but I dusted myself of and moved on, knowing that I’ll probably never receive that high a volume at one time again and will do what I’d always done before, go visit the blog of the commentator rather than respond by email.
LOVE your blog btw, newest follower.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 10:33 am

Great perspective. I was featured blogger on LBS a few weeks ago and got tons of new followers, but I’m finding that most of them havent’ come back. WAH! Probably because it was my daughter’s birthday and I couldn’t respond to everyone in a timely fashion. It’s good sometimes to just be easy on yourself and know that the people that really like you for your content WILL come back.

Helen McGinn July 19, 2010 at 10:07 am

Dang my spelling mistakes; not to self, read over before sending. ;O)

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points July 19, 2010 at 10:12 am

It’s not me is it??? Did I not properly requite bloggy love??

No, wait, it can’t be me….

I never do give-aways (except for the mug) and I comment here ALL THE TIME!

Okay, no worries.

I is not the cold-bitch goddess!

Not that I totally couldn’t be, though.

Just sayin’.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 10:34 am

Yeah, but I didn’t win the mug, you snarky beotch. :)

You are very good about requiting bloggylove.

Val July 19, 2010 at 10:34 am

Oh, I can not tell you how much this post speaks to me!!!!! I was in blog love before and she could care less that I exsist. “sigh” I try to find a balance, being new to the blogging world. I don’t expect everyone to comment or even like everything that I do. I’am ok with that. My main goal was to have it for me and my girls so when they got older and they could look at our life. For people to comment is an added bonus and one I enjoy very much. Btw, You can always come to cali to visit. Love your blog. = )))

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 11:12 am

Val, we’re actually hoping to move back to Cali next year! Sounds like you have a great attitude about your blog and your goals and that’s important. I struggle with it daily. Now, I gotta go read strawberry bruschetta. That sounds too delish!

Missy July 19, 2010 at 10:54 am

Oh, I’ve been there. Glad to know I’m not the only one.

I’m really new at this, so I don’t have an enormous readership (and what I do have may disappear after today – site down and I can’t figure out why!! Aaaagh. Anyway…), so I always try to email, return comment, something when people visit me.

I think some bloggers just get so much traffic it’s almost impossible to reciprocate. But, that doesn’t stop me from feeling kind of sad, in the UBL way! (Love that term, by the way.)

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 11:14 am

Oh no Missy! I hope you fix your site problems soon. Ya feel so helpless when that happens, right?

I’m shocked at how this post is resonating with people…it’s really reassuring to me. Maybe I need to just blog about the bloggers that don’t love me as a full time job! :)

Tiffany July 19, 2010 at 11:03 am

I know exactly what you’re talking about. I can’t tell you how many bloggers are out there that I would just DIE if they commented on my blog. I’ve only left a bazillion comments on theirs.

I probably lurk too much around these parts. LOVE the Kludgy Mom!

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 1:27 pm

me too. I about shit a brick when one of the Martha Stewart recipes I posted about awhile back got retweeted by…EverydayFood by Martha Stewart. I was dancing around all day! Now, they just ignore me.

Bethany July 19, 2010 at 11:18 am

At what point do you really need to start paying attention to this stuff? Like, when you have 100 followers/subscribers? 300? Right now I’m just feeling like a total slacker.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 11:43 am

Well, I think there’s a point at which you realize that people will only keep coming to your site for so long if you aren’t visiting theirs (for the most part). Obviously, there are some peeps who write for their own happiness and are ok if they don’t get return comments – as some commenters here have said. But I think blogging is very much a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours’ sort of thing. Honestly, it’s that part of blogging that is the most time intensive, IMO. the writing part is easy!

Average Girl July 19, 2010 at 11:32 am

This is brilliant! I’m definitely experiencing a case of this now. I tell myself, “be cool,” and then anxiously watch the comments box…

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 11:44 am

nothing better than getting comments in the box. seriously!!!! it’s like Christmas every day!

Jayme (The Random Blogette) July 19, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Awww..that sucks Gigi! I always try to make it a point to visit a new follower’s website and even follow them too. I may not go back every day or comment on every post but I always try my hardest! I reply to their comments by e-mail and I try to comment on their blogs too. Although I barely have 200 followers now, so I guess it may be harder if I had more. But I would at least make it a point to check out their blog and comment.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 1:11 pm

I think it does get much harder when you get over the magic 200 mark. It has been for me. That’s why I like being able to have my replies to their comments emailed to them directly. At least then, if I don’t make it to their blog, they know I’ve read and responded to their comment!

Christina July 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Gigi! I can’t believe you would talk about me like that!! Bhaahahah!! That was a great post! Yes, I found as I started seeking out bloggers in my niche I wanted them to give me props, like me, really really like me and it just did not happen. I’m sure it will continue to happen, but you have given me something to contemplate, well at least until lunch…bahaha!

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Are you surprised sometimes by who *does* follow you? I’ve always been tickled to see that people I wouldn’t expect to like my stuff to actually enjoy it!

Megan (Best of Fates) July 19, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Man, I don’t think there’s a blogger out there who hasn’t suffered from UBL – it’s becoming an epidemic, in fact!

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 1:26 pm

it’s the silent killer. LOL.

Sue July 19, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Thank you for writing this post. I look at myself as a newbie blogger even though I have been writing every day for a bit more than a year and a half.

My feelings got hurt too because I knew I was giving comment love – getting nothing in return. Then it hit me, what the hell is someone going to say or write in a comment on my blog?

I’m a Care Giver to my demented mother. The stuff I write is heavy at times. Writing is how I process everything. It’s also gives me an opportunity to try and give back to someone else some day, someone in the same boat that I am in now.

One day I had read an article on ProBlogger where they made a point that made me feel better about not getting comments. The article stated that when we write something heavy, it can leave the reader at a loss for words.

I started to believe this was the reason I don’t have lots of comments… doesn’t mean they don’t want to say something, they just don’t know what TO say!

I changed my purpose for keeping my blog and writing every day. I don’t write for more followers or more comments, this all doesn’t matter.

I write for future Care Givers who find themselves in similar situations that I had with my mom. Maybe something that I do with my mom will help someone help their mom. It’s my way of Paying It Forward (my favorite movie.)

Thanks again for writing this post!

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 11:19 pm

I think that article from ProBlogger is probably spot on for the content of your blog. I think it’s great that you’ve switched your focus of your blog, knowing that it can be a way to pay it forward. And you never know who might turn up :)

Christina July 19, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Yes! I am more confused on those that DO NOT follow me. I know that sounds weird, but there are some I assume would want to, and bam they don’t. Oh well!

Alexandra July 19, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Oh, geeg…you could’ve told me in a private email before you outed me!!

Oh, wait, I don’t do giveaways…whew.

anyway, yeah. It’s hard. I try to do site visits. It may take a week, but I eventually get there.

I was killing myself staying up till 3 AM doing a private email back AND then site visiting and commenting there, too.

Since I have 3 children and a house to clean and work, I had to ask myself, “which would I prefer: an email back OR a site visit with a comment?”

Right or wrong, I decided on a site visit with a comment.
KLUDYREADERS: which would you prefer? an email back from your comment???? or a site visit?

GREAT ROCKIN’ POST, girlfriend!!

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 3:26 pm

So…you don’t respond on the comment thread? This is interesting. I wonder how that affects your blog placement – meaning, doesn’t more comments help you page rank and stuff? not saying we should obsess over it, but it’s enriching your site to have more comments. This is a good topic of discussion.

CherylT July 19, 2010 at 3:33 pm

Gigi, you are spot on and the reason I always make time to drop by your blog. This definitely happened to me and I won’t go into the sordid details because they pretty much sound like your article. The bottom line is we can’t make our happiness and self-esteem dependent upon what others think of us. All we can do is try to be the best that we know we can be and be happy with our own accomplishments. BTW, you rock!!! That other blogger really missed out on a very cool connection.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 5:18 pm

You’re not getting sappy on me, are you Cheryl? :)

All joking aside, I appreciate your kind comments very much. You are such a witty blogger and I value the compliment a ton. Good advice – we can’t define ourselves on what others think. This is an ongoing life lesson for me. :)

Kerry July 19, 2010 at 4:16 pm

sigh. I have been there. several times. in awe of a blog, comment, follow etc and cannot figure out why the love is not returned. it may just be worse than when it happened in jr high and/or high school.

joann Mannix July 19, 2010 at 4:35 pm

My mindset is, if I take the time to read your blog and leave you a well thought out comment, I figure it’s not me, it’s you. I had a blog I loved. I left several comments and not a single time, did that blogger leave me a quick reply or visit my blog. And that was it for me. She lost my attentions. I packed up and never looked back. Her loss.

There is one blogger in this universe that I will read and comment on, on a daily basis without ever caring if she ever notices and that blogger is The Bloggess. She is just amazing in every way and she deserves each bit of stalkerish adulation she gets. Gaaa, I just love her.

And in reading your comments, I didn’t realize your amount of comments affects your placements, but it does make sense. Hmm, might have to rethink things, since I send out private replies, too.

And by the way, I have my dish on the dish, (my Chicago dinner) out on my post today. Just in case, foodie girl, you wanted to take a look.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 5:20 pm

I guess I must read The Bloggess based on that resounding endorsement!

I am going to research the comments affecting placements and post about it on another day. it sounds like a topic worth revisiting.

I am a little behind on my Reader but I am looking forward to catching up on everyone’s posts from today sometime this evening. Can’t wait to read about the dinner! :)

AmyBlam July 19, 2010 at 5:40 pm

The Plug-in is FAB. When I self-host I hope it’s one I can use.
Bloggers I chat with regularly I don’t worry about rushing to leave a comment if they’ve left one because chances are, I’ll be commenting on their next post anyway because, some bloggers, like YOU-I just love.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:54 pm

yes. good point, Amy. I feel like I get a hall pass from my regular blogger friends. They don’t come after me with an axe if I’m a few days behind in commenting. Or if I forget altogether. I have senior moments.

Mystee July 19, 2010 at 5:40 pm

I know it’s happened to me…and honestly, I’ve stopped commenting too much in the last few weeks. I’ve even tried the whole blog hop thing with following people….you know, u follow 200 and make comments, and you get 15 that follow you back. I mean, are people really that obsessed with thinking their blog is so much better than another’s?

One thing, too, for me, i love it when people leave their blog link in their comment…then I can easily return the favor :)

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:53 pm

I love Comment Luv too…it is a great feature.

AmyBlam July 19, 2010 at 5:45 pm

I agree with the site visit with comment-I think it makes people happy inside. I never email back-someone told me I should email new subscribers but then I got all, well-what if they don’t want ME to contact them since lots of them subscribe but don’t comment. Thoughts?

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:55 pm

I believe each of my comments goes directly to emal AND the blog, which I really like.

I do email new subscribers. Maybe I need to start the site visit with comment, too.

Then again, I might never have time to actually blog. What’s a girl to do?

Surferwife July 19, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Ugh. Yes I can relate. And I feel bad reading this because I know I have been so bad lately trying to keep my head above water with commenting and visiting.

:( I hope nobody feels badly about me. That would make me cry my eyeballs out.

I think you and I make a great duo now. Just think WHEN YOU ARE HERE! EEEEEK!

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:56 pm

it’s hard. You miss even a day and you get so behind it’s totally overwhelming.

Cannot.wait.to.get.there. Spent the weekend looking at real estate in Carlsbad/Encinitas online. Determining if we’ll be able to score a 1200 foot shack, or a 1500 foot one. :)

Megan @ motherhoodunedited July 19, 2010 at 6:39 pm

Nap times are the best times! Summer has got to be rough on you because you have no school time. Man I love naps. lol

Jean Has Been Shopping July 19, 2010 at 9:51 pm

Yes, I’ve had a case of the UBLs. At some point, I have to cut my loses and not look back.
I don’t know why “they” don’t comment on our blogs. They suck. :-)

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 9:57 pm

But why are they “they.” Exactly?

ericka @ alabaster cow July 19, 2010 at 10:47 pm

oh that happens to the best of us! and i’ve felt like a real douche for not commenting back on my commenters’ blogs but ava’s at the age where she actually hits her head against the wall if she even thinks i’m not paying attention to her.

help me.

gigi927 July 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm

just strap a sponge to her head and get on with your day, silly. :)

Meredith July 20, 2010 at 1:21 am

I’ve had this happen too – when I was a really new blogger. Then as my own blog grew I realized how easy it is to get overwhelmed with the mundane and forget that it’s really about the connections with your readers. I’ve had to make sure that sort of thing is at the very tippy top of my bloggy to do list.

gigi927 July 20, 2010 at 4:27 pm

It is a work in progress to get to that “happy place.” thanks for comming by :)

alicia July 20, 2010 at 10:49 am

OK, I must get my act together now that I have internet. Wanted you to know that this was a very entertaining post. And it made me think how so many things in life are like this. I’ve had this happen with homes before too. You think something is the bomb and then you go back 5 or 10 years later to visits and realize that it isn’t all that. It’s all about growth and trying to not become consumed with jealousy or whatever you want to call it along the way.

gigi927 July 20, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Good point, Lish. This translates into lots of different facets of life. :)

liz July 20, 2010 at 4:11 pm

Wow, Gigi! Well, it’s cool to hear how you stared your new feature, and of course we all have been there! There is one blogger in particular that I have a case of UBL with. Never thought about it in that context, but it has definitely happened to me.

Hutch July 20, 2010 at 8:25 pm

I’ve definitely been there! Sometimes too, the comments back don’t sound like the person I’ve created in my mind, like they’re completely different from the person actually writing the blog and it throws me off.

gigi927 July 20, 2010 at 9:06 pm

That’s their “people” responding to comments. :)

Dalia July 20, 2010 at 8:58 pm

OMgosh, yes! I never really thought about it all that much until you pointed it out. Major crush on some with nothing back, LOL. Some I have just given up on and others well, call me a stalker! I just hope that I don’t make anyone feel like this unintentionally!

gigi927 July 20, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Exactly..I’d hate for the shoe to be on the other foot. i still stalk a few myself :) Thanks for coming by, Dalia! I always love when you visit!

Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole July 20, 2010 at 8:59 pm

My first visit to your blog and I love the UBL chatter. (How could I NOT comment?)

Nirvana Mamma July 21, 2010 at 12:39 am

I finally get back to your blog and I read this! Sorry, been overwhelmed. You sound JUST like me. I have a blog crush for sure, but she’s super nice and does comment back on my posts. And nice touch with the shirtless, surfer dude. Definitely scrolled down for THAT.

Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) July 21, 2010 at 2:54 am

yes, definitely. I’m a newbie in this big blogging world and I’m sure the objects of my affection have no idea that I’m waiting in the wings, holding my breath to “hear” from them :) Thanks for putting it in perspective.

Pop July 21, 2010 at 2:30 pm

The mom-blogging universe is a vast expanse. Oddly, I don’t find dad blogs as appealing.

But I don’t think you’re allowed to talk about UBL anymore since Scary Mommy’s touting you now ;-P

Tina @ Life Without Pink July 21, 2010 at 8:09 pm

YES I have had this happen to…sucks…but like you said I just moved on. I have a great group of bloggers that I now follow and who follow and comment back to me!

Sherri July 21, 2010 at 11:06 pm

OK, somehow I missed this post and now I’M LATE TO THE PARTY! This cracks me up, probably mostly because I am at that “new” phase when I am in awe of peeps who have 100’s of followers, cool giveaways, or just a cool design. For the most part I have had good experiences with developing little mini-relationships through MDC (mutually-desirable-commenting…yeah, I just made that up. You can use it). I don’t mean only nicey nice comments, but things that make me laugh or think!

I did have one I followed early on, commented several times, no responses back. Made me feel I wasn’t “cool” enough, because she was commenting many other places!

Thanks for being honest and real….I love hearing that others have had this experience too!

Justine July 22, 2010 at 10:40 am

I love the honesty in this post. It’s definitely something I’ve encountered, and being new-ish here in the bloggy world, I’ve not quite mastered the tricks on how to navigate around hurt feelings from UBL. I’m sure many of us have pined (or still do) for bloggy love at some point of our blogging “career”. And that we all have our Hannah Montana to our fledgling blogs in its pre-tweens. Any comment back would be akin to an autograph on our t-shirts, and we’re euphoric for days.

But I’m glad that someone like you, who has built quite a following, and whose blogging prowess is one to behold for the rest of us “little peeps”, can admit to UBL and even give back to your own community who supports you by giving them voice, and more importantly, lending them yours through your Saturday Surprise Stalker feature. That’s awesome.

Thank you for this. While your scarymommy post was formidable, this one definitely sold me on why i want to come back every day for more.

alexis July 22, 2010 at 5:50 pm

i love this post, it totally made me smile. i think you are funny and sincere, and i always love what you write. and yes, i have had several cases of UBL. so many, in fact, that i was wondering at what point i should start calling myself a lesbian.

Sara @ Tedious Life July 22, 2010 at 10:30 pm

I had a major case of UBL a few months ago that only lasted for about two weeks, thankfully! I recently looked back on some older posts and realized that I wrote posts that didn’t sound like me during that period. I totally changed my style and adopted a horrible sense of humor. I’m so glad that I got my ‘simple style’ and corny jokes back.

The Mommyologist July 23, 2010 at 6:17 am

I think we’ve all had a case of UBL at one point or another! There have been blogs that I’ve left several comments on and have never gotten an email reply, or return comment, or anything else for that matter. I think there is such a thing as UTL too. Unrequited Twitter Love.

Uyen July 23, 2010 at 4:21 pm

yes I have had a case of UBL! You know I’m still going through it right now since I’m new to the blogging world! But fortunately Kludgy Mom, I mean my UBL… is super nice and visits me all the time. hahaha! you know I love ya!

Mungee's Ma July 23, 2010 at 7:23 pm

I always try to comment back through Disqus on my blog. I thought it emailed my replies to people who appeared to be registered, but found out today that it doesn’t necessarily. I’m trying to get in the habit of replying on the blog and emailing back as well. I have my blog email forwarded to my personal email though, so I have to be careful about responding back through that. Don’t want to reveal my identity, muah ah ah ah ah! (<—– needs sleep)

Ash July 23, 2010 at 9:14 pm

Love this – not UBL, sadly, yes I’ve experienced it – but love that you’re so honest about it. It’s no fun, but in a bloggy world that is expanding like a black hole, it’s only a matter of time until UBL strikes all.

Well, maybe not Dooce.

Love you. Love me back? Too desperate? Sorry. Forget it.

Love me? 😉

Elle August 1, 2010 at 12:46 am

this is a late in coming comment. I hope you know I read your blog! Also, I suck at commenting every day, but I do try once a week to “catch up” even if that means only reading one post and commenting. But yes, I agree…there are many blogs I comment on that do not reply back. That sucks. They could at least visit once or twice and leave a comment that consists of more than “nice blog” or “I agree”. LOL. I can’t stand that. And all the popular mom blogs bug me because 1) I can’t relate and 2) they are in no way down to earth and 3) they will never visit your blog, not even once. But there really is no excuse for the smaller blogs…but yes we know ppl get busy. Still, you see someone commenting alot…throw them a freaking bone! Love ya Gigi.

Only You August 11, 2010 at 11:11 pm

Hi – I found you by way of Justine’s blog. Great blog and great post! How funny – I think we must have all gone through this. I remember feeling that for a bit, and I was pretty hurt. I thought, what is wrong with me? It really was like experiencing high school again – taking the chance to say hi to someone in the “ïn crowd”only to realize that no one would glance your way. It hurts. But in both cases, I persisted, a little, by commenting once in awhile, and slowly they became regular readers of mine. I realized that they were probably just busy and that it had taken time for them to catch on to a new commenter/reader. I otherwise just limit my blog reading since I don’t have much time, and the blogs I follow tend to be moms who are very similar to me, making the likelihood of us “clicking”and becoming blogging buddies higher. One regular reader of mine simply stopped coming once her blog took off. That hurt, and I in turn did kind of stop visiting her blog. Sounds immature but it’s just those high school memories coming back…

gigi927 August 12, 2010 at 10:07 pm

I think we all have to figure out our own rhythms and vibes when connecting, or not connecting, in the bloggy world. Thanks for visiting :)

smartee August 20, 2010 at 8:40 pm

Haaaa….this was great…yes I was there in a way too…I already had a great following ..but in a different arena of blogging…then I switched tracks…and Wham…suddenly I felt like I was at the bottom of the heap…Lolol…its all relative is sooooo right..!..now I have a new blog…address just 3 wks old..with a few followers…Im happy as a clam…and I Looove your new and vibrant blog..you go girl…now Im off to read the other postings…!..you also know me as Laffylady….LOL..!

adriel August 22, 2010 at 8:41 am

why do we do this to ourselves? i had one blog like this and after a while i stopped commenting. but, really, i still check it out all the time! but the fact that she never commented back made me feel self-conscious – like my blog must be boring or bad or… i don’t know! 😉 she even had fewer followers than me (which at the time was like 150 or something) so i just couldn’t figure out why no love. :( and to make matters worse, i saw her comments on lots of other blogs i followed. oh, the rejection! now i’ve made my public confession. *hanging my head* i’m going to go unsubscribe and spare myself the torture. 😛
btw, congrats on your theta mom feature. very nice!

mad woman behind the blog January 14, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Oh but my UBL IS ALL THAT!
Now I have some lurking to do.
Sigh, oh happy lover sigh.

misssrobin March 21, 2011 at 9:00 am

I was blogging for quite a while before I realized this was even part of the blogging scene. I left a comment when I had something to offer to the conversation. It never occurred to me to expect a comment back. In fact, getting a comment back when it doesn’t add to the conversation kind of bugs me. “Thanks for stopping by my blog” every time I comment gets old.

While I don’t give lots of return comments on my blog I do try to visit the blog at least once of everyone who comments. I’ll poke through a few posts to see if their writing is my style. If not I leave a few polite and sincere comments but I don’t follow. I make that clear in my about me page. I don’t have time to follow everyone. Blogging is not my job. I refuse to feel obligated. When I offer comment love it is 100% sincere because I didn’t feel pressured into it. I did it because I wanted to.

I understand that this may affect how many readers I have. I’m okay with that. If the writing I offer isn’t enough to bring someone back to my blog then we aren’t meant to be together.

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