One evening about three years ago, I stumbled on a discovery about Boy Wonder.
Backstory: each day, he would come home from kindergarten, and I would gently pepper him with questions about his day. Being the boy that he is, he had other things on his mind. He gave me very little back, and it felt like he was sliding into a secret world at school that I would never fully understand.
On this particular evening, we were laying on his bed after a bedtime story.
He shared with me that one kid was making him sad at school, and how he liked a little girl named Anne. Many other details followed, and we had a long conversation about how he was feeling about things.
In the days, weeks, months and years that have followed, I have come to realize that this time – the time before he lays his head on his pillow and goes to sleep – is our sacred hour.
As he grows, the emotional complexities of an adult mind – putting walls up, manipulating, internalizing feelings – all slowly get dabbed onto Boy Wonder, like dots on an impressionistic painting. During the sacred hour, though, I am briefly allowed in to a quiet place where he is his truest self. This is the safe time of his day.
Perhaps it is the darkness, or the lulling cadence of a bedtime story, or just the hurried pace of school slowly slipping into yesterday that makes this time the sacred hour. I do not know, but I am grateful that I have it.
Sometimes, I struggle with waiting for the sacred hour. Sometimes, I want him to share with me on my schedule and not his own. Sometimes, there are days when I am not invited in at all. If I am distracted or stressed, the evening passes and Boy Wonder’s day gets tucked away into his heart without me knowing if he has been wronged, or overjoyed or scared in the hours he was apart from me.
The sacred hour is the most treasured part of my day as a parent. It is the tenderest of moments at an age where children pull away tenderness more and more every day.
But it is not just precious time, it is a belwether of our relationship.I believe that as long as the sacred hour exists between us, he is as safe and receptive to my positive influence as he can be. I know the moment the sacred hour goes away completely, something is wrong.
And so each night, before rushing out of his room to check my email or watch TV, I linger just a moment, waiting and listening to see if tonight is the night he has something to share. I am grateful that he trusts me, and pray that he always does.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 25 comments }
Yup. That’s the hour.
When they get a little bit older, it’s when you’re driving. Or they’re driving. Car conversations can be good.
my boy is the same. I can’t get anything out of him, but he loves to talk when it’s time for bedtime.
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Beautiful, Gigi.
That a boy trusts his mom enough to admit a crush, even if he doesn’t really know what a crush is, speaks wonders for how much he trusts you at that time
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We also have that same sacred hour. It began with just reading before bed, but expanded into a chance to just “be”. Matthew shares so much with me in those 15 minutes, and sometimes there isn’t any talking just a few minutes of just being in each other’s company. They are so important to keeping us close that I dread the day that he no longer wants him mom sitting on his bed at the end of the day.
Jacki´s last [type] ..Celebrating Sinterklaas
Amen. I can’t imagine not having that, and can only pray that as my son grows, we find a different place and time to connect.
I was going to say the same thing as Susan – now that he’s older, it’s often in the car, especially when it’s just the two of us. But the most important thing is that you realized that they DO want to share, on THEIR time. We just have to be aware enough to realize it and then take the time to listen. Way to go, Mom!!
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It’s so interesting to hear yours and Susan’s comments about driving in the car. I will have to tuck that away. I have noticed just in the last month that when I’m in the car alone with him, he has gotten more chatty. He’s almost 9, so maybe I’m getting a preview of what’s to come.
As busy as you are, Geeg, you always manage to get it right.
They want our time.
that’s it. that simple. they want our time. nothing more.
I REALLY love this Gigi. You write about this sacred hour so beautifully. I cherish those moments before slumber too. My son, just like yours, seems to open up the most and trusts us to hear what is going on in his world. I, like you, hope he always does.
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Thanks, Melissa. I imagine the time is sacred for a lot of kids from the comments I’m getting. It’s so important to recognize that it exists.
Finding the “bellwether” of your relationship?
That’s priceless, Gigi.
And it’s the sign of a mother who is present and thoughtful and devoted to making the most of her time with her children.
His sacred hour may change; but the fact that you are mindful of the connection means he’ll take you with him; he’ll keep sharing his time.
The minutes and hours will shift, but the love will remain the same.
Good job, mama.
And lucky Boy Wonder.
Really.
it’s such a good learning experience for me to just sit and wait and listen. Things I’m not typically good at
Thank you for this — it is beautiful, coming after a night when one daughter and I did not have our sacred hour at all. Lovely to be reminded about how it’s really about what they need.
thanks…I do miss it when I don’t get it.
That is my daughter’s sacred time as well. After we talk, I tuck her in, kiss her, turn off the lights and shut the door, I always pause to offer up my thanks for that time and pray for more to come. It really is so special.
I am going to linger longer tonight.
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Hey there! Found you on SITS! Love your site design.
This is so precious, and something I’m going to tuck away in my heart should the day arrive when I need it.
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Very sweet, Gigi. I wish they were little longer. Sort of.
This is the time for my daughter and I as well.
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Hi,
We all know very well how life has advanced now adays . I think it’s our duty how we will treat with our child.
sam @ goa carnival´s last [type] ..Goa Carnival 2012
I can so very relate to this post!! I love when my son comes to talk to me about a girl he likes and to ask advice – I feel so honored!
I’ve heard the same thing from other moms with teens! Those car conversations, as well as hearing the conversation of your kids with their friends during carpools, are key opportunities from what I hear. This is all such a great reminder to watch out for all these windows of opportunity at each stage and be fully present in them!
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My son still calls for me at bedtime. I am grateful for our “cud-cuds” because he is almost 13 years old, I hold onto these moments. Even if he pulls me out of an activity. Even if I am writing, I stop. Because I know he won’t always call me. Probably. And you are right. That time is sacred.
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