As both of my children drift ever-so-slowly away from organized team sports, I have a bittersweet feeling about it all.
Most of the time, I am incredibly happy that our weekends are taken up by beach days, exploring or having no agenda at all. We don’t bounce back and forth like ping-pong balls from one activity to another. We don’t have to worry about snack duty. Overcompetitive parents. Demanding coaches. I don’t spend time complaining about practices scheduled with no regard to siblings, getting up at the crack of 6 on a Saturday morning, or how That Other Mom yells at her kid too much.
And yet, there are pangs of regret and worry.
Will they figure out how to use their bodies athletically? Do they miss out on something socially by not being part of a team?
I’ve struggled for many years over my children not really being that into organized sports. I’ve wanted them to do it. I want them to have the experience, to learn, to grow, to understand what it means to be on a team, to contribute and not always think of yourself first, to have those incredible moments of success and defeat, to feel camaraderie in having “done battle” together.
But is that really what I want them to have? Or are those things what I want to have?
I played a little bit of team sports as a child. Softball in the third and fourth grade. Basketball in junior high. I was never all that good. Where I really excelled was on the tennis court, a sport I discovered at the late age of 13.
Even as I played on my high school varsity team, both as a singles and a doubles player, I always considered it an individual sport – and still do.
In hindsight, that I gravitated to a sport like tennis is no surprise to me. I prefer being wholly responsible for my own successes and failures, and always have. Team projects at school made me grimace with frustration. I enjoy being a freelancer because I work best alone.
And yet, I get torqued up sometimes, seeing my friends’ pictures on Facebook of soccer teams or after-football game parties and little girls being cheerleaders together. After years of thinking that it was because I feel like my kids are missing out on something, I’m starting to think that I’m the one that feels the void – not them.
Because even if you’re inclined to be an individual sport – or an individual “life” – sort of person, there’s an element of loneliness to it.
I need to be honest with myself about those deep-in-my-gut desires I have for them to play team sports. Because they’re really not desires for them at all. I need to stop putting all of my stuff on my kids’ little shoulders and rest them squarely back on my own.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
This is one I’m going to think about a lot. My kids are different, and I think one of them is going to thrive in a team environment and one of them won’t. And maybe I’m wrong about it, and I want both of them to try it. But I will think about this when deciding when to let it go and let them each figure out where they’re comfortable.
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Life is so funny.
I was never into sports, and now my middle boy is just like me.
My oldest loves to swim,and my youngest loves soccer.
And my middle guy is just like me.
They grow up to be their own, don’t they?
You speak a truth I think many share, but have never articulated, and certainly not so eloquently.
I too was an individualist athlete (swimming & skating), and it is rapidly becoming apparent my two boys (5 & 7) are much the same. They ask to sign up for soccer or flag football, then stand off to the side of the action, not interested in getting into the fray.
And I too remember feeling supremely lonely at times back in HS — close enough to look in, but never a part of the inner circle. I think that’s way I am saddened when I see them standing off to the side of the field — in typical Mama Bear fashion I wish I could shield them from ever feeling that way.
Thanks for helping me better understand my own mixed feelings about team sports & my boys lack of interest in them.
Lollie ~ The Fortuitous Housewife´s last [type] ..A Downy Thank You
When every parents and children will feel frank with each other then children will feel very secure because this is nice way to show best way to your children.
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I personally don’t get competitiveness or teams or sports in general at all. My oldest is exactly the same. And I was so happy when in about 4th grade he just stopped doing the perfunctory soccer and t-ball. Now he gets trophies for math, but not because he is trying to beat other kids, and not because he’s on a team. He just does it because he can and it’s easy. The trophy just is a natural conclusion of his process.
My youngest however is all sports all the time. And he gets really mad when he doesn’t win at ANYTHING. Trophies are really important to him. Statistics and strategies for beating other kids are important to him. He makes no sense to me whatsoever. I find it hard to cheer him on when I find competitiveness ridiculous in the first place. But I do it. *sigh*
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I can totally relate, Gigi. I would like my daughter to pursue dance, not only because she’s been told by instructors that she has a natural talent but also because I wanted to be a dancer but was too shy to give it a real try as a child. There’s such a delicate balance between encouraging children to have hobbies or try new things and over-scheduling them to the point of being overwhelmed. I want my kids to take French lessons and dance and baseball and karate and basketball. For now, we do swim lessons every Saturday. That’s it. I hope they’re not missing out on discovering a secret talent but they need a childhood & free-time too!
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I couldn’t have said it better myself! I played tennis in high school, even then I preferred not to play doubles lol. I’m just not into team sports and I don’t think my kids will be either simply because of our ‘entrepreneurial lifestyle’. We’re homeschooling, and I am hoping they will be smarter than my husband and I and start their own business earlier. I will give them a chance to try team stuff, but it’s not a priority. Blazing their own path is a priority, discovering what they were made for – not just following a pack.
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