Today, at precisely 11:32, my phone rang.
The caller ID said: School.
Given the multiple waves of illness we’ve had tear through our house of late, and given that my kids touched approximately 9,732 other children last night at the school talent show, I assumed one thing: Boy Wonder or Little CEO was throwing up.
I answered the phone and a voice said,
“Hi, Mommy.”
“Hi, Boy Wonder.”
I looked at the clock again. Boy Wonder’s lunch starts at 11:30.
“You forgot to send my lunch today.”
Well, shit. I made a lunch.
Or was that yesterday?
I consider telling him to just buy a lunch in the cafeteria. Because I’m in the middle of working.
I realize he hates doing that.
I consider that his lunch account may only have 50 cents in it, which doesn’t even buy him an ice cream.
I remember adding money to his lunch account, though.
Or was that last month?
“Okay, Boy Wonder. I’ll be right up with your lunch.”
I plan to dash out the door, lunch in hand and be back home in less than 10 minutes.
I run into my bedroom to grab my shoes when the mirror reminds me of the look I am rocking today.
It’s called Classic Hagalicious. You may rock it, too.
My standard Classic Hagalicious look on most days includes a ratty, faded, stretched out J Crew ribbed tank top in pink. On the bottom, I sport plaid booty short pajama bottoms that my husband, God love him, thinks look hot but that I realize expose most of my 3rd and 4th butt cheeks. I have not combed my hair since waking up at 6:15 this morning.
I may have brushed my teeth.
Or was that yesterday?
And, since this is a pajama look, I’m not wearing a bra.
Clearly, I cannot walk into the school looking like something out of the pages of Glamour’s Don’ts.
I have to get up there fast, though, because Boy Wonder only gets 25 minutes to eat.
I throw a zip up sweatshirt over my ratty tank top and grab the first pair of shorts on my pile.
Ah yes, these are the shorts that fit me when I was playing tennis 30 hours of a week instead of working.
Now, my legs look like two finely-aged Vienna Sausage links getting ready to burst out of their khaki casings.
I arrive at the school and pray to God I don’t see anyone I know. Which is hard, because word has gotten around that Gigi does this blogging thing and people either know me because I was the bitchy Talent Show Tyrant Coordinator last year, or they know me because they have read a few of my posts and really hate me.
I see one person I don’t recognize give me the once-over as I’m walking into school. I know what she is thinking:
“That dumbass is wearing a heavy sweatshirt and it’s 90 degrees out.”
Yes, I am a dumbass and yes, it’s 90 degrees out.
I drop off the lunch kit with Boy Wonder. I say, “I”m sorry, Boy Wonder.”
He says, “Did you just make this?”
What does he think I am? A disorganized mess?
Yes, I am a disorganized mess, but I did, in fact, make the lunch this morning.
“No, I made it this morning, I just forgot to put it in your backpack.”
I left the school and made a promise to myself that from now on, I’m showering first thing in the morning.
For today’s Kludgy Facebook 500, I have someone who is a fellow Austinite and happy hour-er at our Austin Bloggers Girls Night Out. She has an awesome blog about TONS of cheap and free things to do in Austin. So it’s not surprising that Heidi’s blog is called Free Fun In Austin. She is the BEST and actually has thousands of Facebook followers already! But if you are in Austin, or know people that live here? Pass on her Facebook page to them.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 57 comments }
Hysterical. So glad I followed.
WOw – now I have yet ANOTHER blog to get lost in.
I forgot to shave today. I had a meeting with the head of the particular federal agency I work for this morning, and I forgot to shave.
Oh well, I’m glad I get judged solely on the quality of my work..right?
ShredderFeeder´s last [type] ..Catching up…
My husband forgot to shave on our WEDDING DAY. I still married him though. Mainly because I didn’t notice until after.
Oh boy. That’s a disaster…but, sounds to be like you pulled it off with total class. And so what if the “locals” don’t like you? I think your fabulous!
Courtney K.´s last [type] ..Diary of a New Mom
I guess this is one good thing about working outside of the home and not being able to run up to the school during the day. Although, I do forget to put lunch money in the account all the time. It is supposed to send an email alert, but I never get it. I find it very frustrating.
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Coming home
Pure awesomeness. I predict I’ll be you exactly in a few short years when my girls start school….b/c you know it’s a good day when you get a shower before 9 pm & it’s a near miracle when you’ve managed to *blow dry* your hair.
Jackie´s last [type] ..project 365 photo- 03192011
I love that. This is exactly why I favor showering in the morning….on the off chance that I will be forced to leave my house. I just can’t pull off the plaid p.j. bottom look…
Winter has a lot of advantages, I haven’t done my hair since November, insteasd I have a selection of toques. My long winter coat hides all kinds of bra-less messes.
Sadly it’s coming to an end and I have to clean myself up.
Too funny. I can so relate.
Michelle Saunderson´s last [type] ..Hersheys Track & Field Games & Giveaway
Can’t believe you didn’t take a picture of your hot self with that new iPhone! Oh, maybe I can. I am SO happy to read that you, too, have a 3rd and 4th butt cheek. I thought it was just me.
And I’m pretty sure you still rocked your look, and that other mom was envious.
Sherri´s last [type] ..Guest Post- I am Not My Hair
Love this! And I’m amazed you didn’t see anyone you knew. Some days I don’t shower until right before I pick the kids up from school. Truly. Even the mail carrier thinks I’m a mess.
So funny! The other day I found myself staring at my 2 year old trying to convince myself that I gave him breakfast. I did, but scary that it took me ten minutes to remember!
Ugh, the dreaded pajama look. Seems like my husband’s friends are always slopping by when I look like that. I have actually been sleeping in a bra, lately, because at least I’ve got that going for me if I am a bit slacker the next morning.
The Sweetest´s last [type] ..I Guess I’m No Diva After All
OH MAN, LOVE THIS. Oops, Caplock, but I truly love it. This is hilarious. Now if only you had included a picture.
Great post!
Andrea´s last [type] ..Walking away
Trust me when I say I’m laughing with you in this scenario.. I’ve been there myself. And recently? I’ve used this same look as leverage with the older boys. If they don’t behave, I’m likely to show up at their school looking like I stepped off Maury, complete with rollers in my hair & house shoes on my feet. Of course, I’ll want to eat lunch with them. And naturally, I’ll have to have a hug goodbye.
That little threat had them acting like angels for almost a month.
Natalie´s last [type] ..Why I Love Feet Pictures
Thanks Gigi. I really needed a good laugh today and this did it for me. Also made me glad I homeschool and that my girls can make their own lunches. Good luck with that showering first thing in the morning plan. I fail on it nearly everyday
Rhonda@Laugh Quotes´s last [type] ..Not That Fat!
Snort.
I’m kind of disappointed you put on the sweatshirt. Your boobs could’ve distracted them from your hair.
Also, you’re a skinny bitch, so don’t even start with sausage legs and extra butt cheeks!
Putting a bra on in the morning counts as getting dressed, no? It totally does. But I’ve done the sweatshirt thing too. I actually look forward to our school going days so I’ll have more of a reason to get dressed in the morning. We don’t get out much.
“Classic Hagalicious” I know that look well. I call it Mama chic. I’m glad I’m not the only one who throws on winter wear in sweltering hot weather to hide bralessness. Usually I do it when I have an unexpected knock on the door or hear the garbage truck coming and realize I forgot to take the trash out . . . all week.
Rachael´s last [type] ..I Swear I Dont Beat My Children
In order to show good example to my three year old I wore pajamas the other night very early in the evening. My dog was sleeping on the front porch and walked off to greet two dogs that walked by with, off course, male owner. I had to go out and do the walk of shame. And yes, it was still kind of bright out. My saving grace I hope is that I have a really big dog and he was walking girly looking snacks for mine. And yes, it is becoming a pattern:me, pajamas and the dog.
I too have been gripped by the fear of having to answer the door in my hagalicious best. You are not alone my friend, not alone at all.
Dana
Where in the world is it 90 degrees outside right now? We just got hit with a foot of snow today.
90!!! We can’t seem to break 30 lately! The trees, grass, and everything in between is still covered in ice!
The only upside to it is that I can run out braless in my heavy jacket and nobody will ever know!
Hilarious! I’ve been there, too.
Only, I probably would have told him to buy. B/c I “just” put money in my son’s account. Really, I remember it…except that I got a note home yesterday that we owe $45something on it. Oops. Guess I didn’t “just” do that.
I keep making that promise to myself too…but the lure of blogs, twitter and e-mail still get the better of my attention.
Mellisa´s last [type] ..Easy Doughnuts
As long as your 3rd/4th buttcheeks held up by vienna sausages turn your hubs on, it’s all good.
And I can understand putting on a hoodie in the winter but the chances of the 2 nipple salute happening in 90° weather are slim-to-none. Shoulda just rocked the no-bra. Just remember not to run.
Pop´s last [type] ..Merciful Monday- 32311
Heck, I can’t be certain that I actually put deodorant on for any given day. I mean, I’m pretty sure I put it on this morning because, if I think back, I remember putting it on. But was that today? Yesterday? Last week? 2009? Eek.
I hate repetitive tasks.
John´s last [type] ..Im Stylish- Dammit
HA!
LOVE this post!
And people ask us why we had to turn to the internet for friends.
I LOVED THIS, geeg.
That’s my thought throught the day: “or…was it yesterday? I thought I did…”
Ha! Hey, where’s my lunch?
Marinka´s last [type] ..Nicki is a True American
We must have been separated at birth. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve “run out really quick” while still sporting the tank I wore to bed the night before. And sometimes I avoid greeting the UPS guy at the door cause I don’t think he’ll appreciate my favorite JCrew jammy pants the way I do – especially since they’re so old you can pretty much see through them. Crap, I forgot to add money to the kids’ lunch accounts today. Not even kidding on that one! : )
Gigi! This sounds like me this morning. I have been running around looking for my son’s home reader all morning. I just found it! Also, I tweeted about needing to be more organized this morning. It’s my life!!
Hilarious!
Shauntelle´s last [type] ..Stuck in progress…
Hilarious, especially the part where you describe what “they” may be thinking about last years coordinator activities you hosted and beyond.
I say, go bra-less and enjoy the freedom from caring so much what others think. Really. ;-P
Rockin’ the lock now, and love the post.
Yesterday when I drove my teenage son to school, I actually had the “what if I have a wreck and then I have to go to the police station in my PJs w/no bra or panties” self-conversation. *sigh* I decided they would just have to deal with me the way I am.
As I’m reading this, I’m waiting for a call from the school telling me the teen boy needs to be picked up. He looked awful this morning but insisted he needed to go to school. No fever or throwing up, but no way is he making it through the day. And now I’m considering what I look like. And thinking I need to dash to the shower. Because the only thing worse than being judged by a bunch of other mothers or the school secretary, is being judged by a bunch of snotty teenagers.
Ally´s last [type] ..Everyone Deserves A Treat
Wow – you’re a brave, brave woman. But I guess as moms, we do what we gotta do to keep our babies fed.
And reading about you walking out of your house in shorts makes me want to cry as I sit here strewing in my layers, thanks to the lovely wintry weather here. Don’t you miss Chicago?
Justine´s last [type] ..She’s here! No- not that she The other she of the house
Gee, and here I thought the blog post was about me! (FYI, there are few ‘benefits’ to new boobs due to breast cancer, but one of them is that I now longer have to wear one. Sorry Victoria’s Secret). Back to the subject – I appreciate your concern. There are precious few ‘frumpy’ moms in my hood, and the last thing I want to do is call attention to the fact that I am one when I am making my mad dash to drop them off before the tardy bell every morn. But let me say this – even on your worst, most haggy/shaggy/baggy days, you would never ever be considered frumpy. Really.
Seriously? I made my kids’ lunches and left them on the counter yesterday, too. Just when I thought we couldn’t have any more similarities…
My kids, however, will NOT let me come to school to bring them lunches. In middle school, that’s far too embarrassing. They preferred to starve and eat lunch at 3:30.
Mom of the year, here. (but at least I made them lunch, right?)
FINE! I’ll share my secret to success with you. For pajamas, wear leggings and a t-shirt. Or just sleep in your clothes, if they’re comfy. Then if the UPS guy knocks on your door, you look dressed. And if you have to leave the house, the loose hoodie or second layer of big-T looks fashionable.
There’s another bonus to winter for the “did-I-shower-yet-today-or-was-that-yesterday” set… ugg-ly boots. In 3 seconds or less, you can pull them on over your neon-striped slipper socks and nooooobody knows. I’ve almost pulled off stylish with that look!
I’m so glad my daughter’s in the school she’s in for a thousand reasons, but I cringe every time I have to dash out the door to pick her up at the end of the day and I haven’t yet had time to shower. Being un-done is just not done there! (Except by me.)
Yup. 5:50 p.m. Still in ‘jams.
This made me laugh. I’ve been there before, unshowered and out in the world in my house clothes. Thankfully, I have so few friends I doubt anyone ever sees me!
Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last [type] ..Mrs R gets an ID badge wink
honestly, i can’t get past that you’re wearing shorts, its ninety degrees, and a sweatshirt would make you appear over-dressed for the elements.
freezing, snow, endless winter here in the northeast, so disorganized or not it sounds like a great day in texas!
anna´s last [type] ..Win a Fabulous Doll from Go! Go! Sports Girls!
So hilarious. I love “classic hagalicious” – bwahahahaha!
Elena´s last [type] ..Mommy Knows Best Time Out Reading
Ha! It happens to the best of us. And now I need to know where you live. 90 degrees?? It snowed here yesterday!
Ilana´s last [type] ..Interviews- Debates- and a Quickie Recap
Yeah. I rock the Classic Hagalicious look a lot of days. But, fortunately, I live in a place where it’s rainy and 60 degrees most of the time. God bless baggy sweats.
Hang in there, momma. We all have those days, and it sounds like you recovered nicely. Braless and all.
This JUST happened to me yesterday. We were running behind on our morning routine, so I had to drive E to school for afternoon K instead of him taking the bus. I couldn’t believe I went out like i did – ratty sweats, ZERO makeup (and my skin is really needed at least some freakin’ foundation). My only saving grace was at least a saucy hat to hide my hot mess of bed head.
And of course I ran into a neighbor. ugh
SaucyB’s last blog…Dress Me Up in Your Love
http://bitly.com/f2WD3U
So true – I never see someone I know at the grocery store unless I look like a WRECK.
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last [type] ..I’m addicted to exclamation points!!!
LMBO! BTDT!
When The Boy was in Kindergarten, I was Pulled-Together Mom. I never set foot in the school without being showered, dressed and in full makeup. Last year I worked from home…it got ugly. This year I’m back to teaching, so they come with me and by default, I’m always showered, but I work there, so everyone knows my biddness anyway
Hagalicious. Yup, that kind of decsribes my look today.
Also, totally don’t blame Boy Wonder for not wanting to eat school lunch. That stuff is nasty.
OMG I’ve been there! I actually have a post in my pending folder ready to go about this very thing….I always run into people I see of course when I look like I just rolled out of bed!
I’m in awe that you can even go bra-less. My girls reside by my waist or armpits while at rest. If I go bra-less someone gets hurt!
Connie´s last [type] ..Good Times- Good Times
Ah, this was amazing. And it tells me I’m not alone. The mail carrier, UPS guy, maintenance guy, and apt mgr all think I’m a mess. I thought it was just me, but naw, I’m just a mom.
It’s a relief!
Delena Silverfox´s last [type] ..For Earth Hour
“Classic Hagalicious” <— Bwahahahaha!
I was rockin' it today and had to go into the Sprint store. Ugh.
Kimberly´s last [type] ..Friday Friday Friday
Love the visual!! What mom can’t relate? – “Or was that yesterday?”
I’ve tried showering in the morning, getting dressed as soon as I get out of bed, etc….it never works. Sigh.
Love that you made up the word hagalicious. Pretty much describes me to a T on most days
Natalie´s last [type] ..Monster Likes 11
When I worked for HP, hagalicious was my own personal couterier.
Now, that I have a job where I go someplace a couple times a week, I do get dressed.
BUT, recently we were running late to school-I was wearing a pink and white fleece polka dot robe with red and green plaid pj pants. (No bra or shirt) I grabbed the shoes closest to the front door, platform glitter pumps, and ran to the car.
Due to traffic, we were late and I had to get out and sign bratchild in. Awesome.
I have been working on a post called Carpool Couture-if the had a People of the Schools, I’d be on it for sure.
Do you get your Classic Hagalicious wear straight off the runway or off the rack?
I love it! Don’t all moms rock that look? It’s also my summer vacation look. Thanks for always making reality humorous.
Comments on this entry are closed.