Today, at precisely 11:32, my phone rang.
The caller ID said: School.
Given the multiple waves of illness we’ve had tear through our house of late, and given that my kids touched approximately 9,732 other children last night at the school talent show, I assumed one thing: Boy Wonder or Little CEO was throwing up.
I answered the phone and a voice said,
“Hi, Boy Wonder.”
I looked at the clock again. Boy Wonder’s lunch starts at 11:30.
“You forgot to send my lunch today.”
Well, shit. I made a lunch.
Or was that yesterday?
I consider telling him to just buy a lunch in the cafeteria. Because I’m in the middle of working.
I realize he hates doing that.
I consider that his lunch account may only have 50 cents in it, which doesn’t even buy him an ice cream.
I remember adding money to his lunch account, though.
Or was that last month?
“Okay, Boy Wonder. I’ll be right up with your lunch.”
I plan to dash out the door, lunch in hand and be back home in less than 10 minutes.
I run into my bedroom to grab my shoes when the mirror reminds me of the look I am rocking today.
It’s called Classic Hagalicious. You may rock it, too.
My standard Classic Hagalicious look on most days includes a ratty, faded, stretched out J Crew ribbed tank top in pink. On the bottom, I sport plaid booty short pajama bottoms that my husband, God love him, thinks look hot but that I realize expose most of my 3rd and 4th butt cheeks. I have not combed my hair since waking up at 6:15 this morning.
I may have brushed my teeth.
Or was that yesterday?
And, since this is a pajama look, I’m not wearing a bra.
Clearly, I cannot walk into the school looking like something out of the pages of Glamour’s Don’ts.
I have to get up there fast, though, because Boy Wonder only gets 25 minutes to eat.
I throw a zip up sweatshirt over my ratty tank top and grab the first pair of shorts on my pile.
Ah yes, these are the shorts that fit me when I was playing tennis 30 hours of a week instead of working.
Now, my legs look like two finely-aged Vienna Sausage links getting ready to burst out of their khaki casings.
I arrive at the school and pray to God I don’t see anyone I know. Which is hard, because word has gotten around that Gigi does this blogging thing and people either know me because I was the bitchy Talent Show Tyrant Coordinator last year, or they know me because they have read a few of my posts and really hate me.
I see one person I don’t recognize give me the once-over as I’m walking into school. I know what she is thinking:
“That dumbass is wearing a heavy sweatshirt and it’s 90 degrees out.”
Yes, I am a dumbass and yes, it’s 90 degrees out.
I drop off the lunch kit with Boy Wonder. I say, “I”m sorry, Boy Wonder.”
He says, “Did you just make this?”
What does he think I am? A disorganized mess?
Yes, I am a disorganized mess, but I did, in fact, make the lunch this morning.
“No, I made it this morning, I just forgot to put it in your backpack.”
I left the school and made a promise to myself that from now on, I’m showering first thing in the morning.
For today’s Kludgy Facebook 500, I have someone who is a fellow Austinite and happy hour-er at our Austin Bloggers Girls Night Out. She has an awesome blog about TONS of cheap and free things to do in Austin. So it’s not surprising that Heidi’s blog is called Free Fun In Austin. She is the BEST and actually has thousands of Facebook followers already! But if you are in Austin, or know people that live here? Pass on her Facebook page to them.