Your kids are sick. There’s nothing worse, except all of the rules that kick in when this happens. Here are the ten rules you need to know when your kids are sick.
1. You will be out of whatever medicine you need to treat your child. Kid has a fever? You’ll be fresh out of Tylenol and Motrin, but find 3.5 bottles of Immodium for those diarrhea emergencies. Kid has a cough? There is no Robitussin in the house but there is a bottle of Hyland’s teething tablets that expired 4 years ago and a syringe full of something unrecognizable and sticky.
2. Kids do not get sick at the same time. Nay, that would be much too simple. It is only after you have sanitized, Lysoled and sprayed other toxic chemicals throughout your entire house from Kid #1′s illness that Kid #2 will go and sully it all up again.
3. Husband will contract illness from children; becomes invalid. Do not expect your man to soldier through a stuffy nose and little cold. If ill, he will order immediate, frequent and pathetic amounts of bedrest, which is only interrupted by him stumbling out of the bedroom so he can lay on the couch and let the entire family enjoy his constant moaning and gnashing of teeth.
4. You will cough up copays in the amount equal to a small third world country’s national debt…to learn “it’s viral.” Do not waste your time running to the doctor on day one of a kid’s sickness. You will be told it’s viral after a $30 copay and an hour waiting for the doctor while your kid shoves all of the tongue depressors into his diaper.
Do not go to the doctor on day 2. You will be told it’s viral after a $30 copay and an hour waiting for the doctor while your kid grabs the otoscope cord and uses it as a bungee.
Do not go to the doctor on Day 3. You will be told it’s viral after a $30 copay and an hour waiting for the doctor while your kid spins maniacally around on the rolling doctor’s stool. Go to the doctor on Day 4 and grit your teeth and tell them that if they don’t give you a freaking antibiotic, you’ll shove a cotton swab up somebody’s ass.
5. Your kid will not get sick until the pediatrician, and all available urgent care facilities within a 30 mile radius, have closed.
6. The open 24-hour pharmacy is never near your house.
7. If you find an open pharmacy, there will be a 90 minute wait at the pharmacy to get meds. Because everyone’s kids are getting sick after doctor’s hours have ended, or because there tends to be a rush on Ritalin, Pyridium for UTIs and the nicotine patch after hours. I’m not sure which.
8. Pharmacist will not dispense enough liquid antibiotic. When your pediatrician prescribes, say, 25 ml of an antibiotic, to be given in one 10 ml dose the first day and 5 ml for the next 3 days, the mad pharmacist goes into his secret laboratory and only puts in about 23 ml.
He then calculates the exact amount (normally another 2 ml) that coagulates and is physically incapable of being sucked up by a syringe from the bottle, no matter which way the bottle is tilted, twisted or turned. And then he laughs an evil laugh as he takes up 90 minutes of your precious time to put less medication than you need in the bottle. (see #8)
9. You will have fed your kid only the nastiest foods before they throw up. Kids don’t ever throw up things like toast, applesauce or chicken soup. They wait until they’ve got some really disgusting stuff down in the belly, like Taco Bell, oatmeal, Fritos or the contents of 12 Pixy Stix.
10. Your kid will not get sick until a night where you went out on a rare date night, stayed up too late and overindulged. Remember, no fun night goes unpunished. Your kids want you to know that the days of “just one more glass of wine” are over.
Bonus #11. After your husband comes home from pharmacy with $27 in fresh Tylenol and Motrin, you discover 4 new, sealed bottles of same tucked behind a can of athlete’s foot spray and a box of tampons.
Do you have any other rules to live by when kids get sick? Bring it.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 38 comments }
THese are all so true! I just found 3 bottles of brand new ibuprofen after sending out in middle of night couple of weekends ago for some. Of course, I will NEVER admit that. And the fact that I thought it was AWESOME when Gabs didn’t catch what Bella, until she caught it a week later and passed it back!WOOHOO! Bella missed 7 days of school within a 3 week period. Fabulous receiving THE NOTE from school:(Hope all stay well in your house. I STILL have sickies!
Truthful Mommy´s last [type] ..Damn You Bree van De Kamp Mom pledge Reminder from the archives
ha! I think you nailed them! Here are my additions:
1. My kids get sick as soon as Hubs is out of the driveway on his way out of town for a few days.
2. Only being the mom of a 4 year old with a 104.5 fever will make you buy the fever reducing suppositories b/c your child will NOT take any meds. And you will pray like never before that you don’t actually have to use them.
Shell´s last [type] ..Pour Your Heart Out Anniversary Tomorrow!
Yep, this list sounds about right.
I would like to add Spaghetti-O’s to the nasty food list.
And never, EVER rejoice that #2 didn’t catch what #1 had. As soon as you do, #2 is sick as a dog as if on cue.
Evonne´s last [type] ..Right out of the garden
I have an addendum …
Rule #11a
If you spend time seeking out those bottles that you know you have stocked away somewhere, they will inexplicably disappear. Your receipt will do you no good whatsoever. Save yourself the time and just go buy new. Then, when you find your stockpile? Ducktape them to your invalid husband’s forehead.
Nichole´s last [type] ..For berries…
I love all these! They are all 100% true!
When I was in the 5th grade I was the first of all my siblings to get the chicken pox. Two weeks later the next kid got it. Two weeks after that…yeah you guessed it the next kid got it. Well, my mom had 10 weeks of that because she had 5 kids…it was awful! She said that school started in August & she didn’t make it back out of the house until December. *shudders at the thought*
Great post!
Milk must be added to the nasty food list, and you forgot that the kids always, always, always throw up on the momma. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been puked on. My husband can be holding them and he or she will get up and come over to me to puke. Every.Single.Time.
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Road Trip
OMG this just happened to me! My son came down with a 103 fever and guess what? We were out of meds…of course!
Yup, most of these just happened to us! Something always comes up for me to call the dr on a Friday…at 5.
And if you brag about how your kids never get sick? You’ll get the never ending sickness that never leaves your house. I recently wrote a post where I mentioned that my kids never get sick save a random short fever here and there. The next day? Hubs brings home the flu, rendering him incapable of doing anything, then one twin gets it. When she gets well, the other twin and the baby get it. I was kind of hoping I would get it so he would have to stay home and take care of me. And I did. For half a freaking day. THAT’S IT!
This was hilarious by the way. Because it’s so true.
Hahah!!! These are SO true! Especially the one about the husbands. Why are men such babies?! Women go about their business, spit out babies and move on. Men? They get one measly little head cold and you’d think they were completely helpless.
Courtney K.´s last [type] ..Free to be…inspired Part Four
Holy cow, you got em. Proof! You are a mom in real life!
My daughter had a fever yesterday and guess what we were out of… Husband had to go to store but I have not found the secret stash referenced in number 11 yet.
Jessica´s last [type] ..TGIF – I survived
I almost wish this wasn’t accurate!
Addendum 10a. If it is Christmas, New Year, Easter, Your birthday or an Anniversary and you’ve planned a weekend getaway, your kid WILL get sick and the hotel will not refund your money. Should you be taking your child with you, your child WILL get sick, and you won’t be able to find a pharmacy or doctor surgery. The following day when your kid miraculously recovers, and you feel like death from staying up cleaning vomit in an expensive hotel room, you will drive past no less than four late night doctor’s offices, and three pharmacies.
I’m not bitter.
Oh so true..and frustrating…and sad.
I hope your kids are feeling better!
Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom)´s last [type] ..Fevers in ChildrenWhen to Treat
This is just so so true and I just lived this last month. Thankfully, now we are all healthy.
Whew.
How I wish that at least one of these weren’t true!
So true! And I second Evonne and Shell. Spaghetti and meat sauce, and vomit whenever hub went out of town. I used to travel regularly…never happened when I left. He traveled once or twice a year max, happened every time!
And last summer, my never-sick kid got sick at grandma and papa’s. Grands to 8 kids, 7 under age 10, and they had 4 bottles of kids’ motrin…all so old they were no longer liquid! I swear!
My husband has never stayed home sick one day since we’ve been married. Not. One. Day. I’M the one who becomes a baby when I’m sick—which isn’t often enough or bad enough to warrant my husband staying home to care for my inevitably sick-at-the-same-time child. Argh.
Rachel @ The Lazy Christian´s last [type] ..Grumpy with God Revisited
Oh this has been my life exactly for weeks on end now. Thanks for helping me laugh at the thought of it all. Oh and if you dare put on clean clothes they are destined to be thrown up on. Forget a towel or a bucket on a car ride to the doctors? The child who has yet to throw up will.
Jessica´s last [type] ..Hooked
Oh Gigi, this is hysterical….I mean, if it weren’t so true! I have just been through a bit of this needing one thing, having too much of another. And I thank God that hubs didn’t get sick because I just don’t have time for another child.
Sherri´s last [type] ..Own Your Beauty – Post at BlogHer Today!
What is it with the hoarding of the last few mg’s of amoxicillin? Don’t those pharmacists REALIZE that at least a dose or two sticks to the sides of the bottle and the syringe?
(And the counter. and your fingers. and the sink…)
Still. None of it sticks in my child. We have the Gardner Gag Reflex over here.
Suppositories, here we come. (not really. but I wish I’d thought of that when they were younger. DANG it.)
All too true.
I especially like the discovery of the extra reserves of meds after the husband’s trip to the pharmacy. I just cleaned out my medicine cabinet the other day and found no less than four unopened bottles of kiddie ibuprofen.
Sue the Desperate Housemommy´s last [type] ..Mork and Mindy Save the Day
LOVE IT! I especially loved #3 of shuffling from bed to couch to make the whole family feel his pain. SO TRUE!
Sarah Thacker´s last [type] ..I’ve Got Spirit- Yes I Do- I’ve Got Spirit- How About You
What is it with not being able to find any medicine — and then it suddenly appears after you ran to the store. All true and funny observations.
You are spot on with this post! Love #9. My little one had an ear infection around the holidays and ate red and green tortilla chips before she threw up in the car! Lovely!
Paula@Simply Sandwich´s last [type] ..I Can Sorta Relate
Your kids will cry because one kid “gets” to have the liquid meds and the other doesn’t.
As soon as the kids are better, YOU will get sick, but you won’t be allowed to even take so much as a nap.
I love this but hate that every single one of these is true… Lucas and I have been giving the same cold to back and forth to each other for a month! And this year it is the nastiest ever.
Tonya´s last [type] ..My Week In Numbers
Stopping by from SITS. These are so true. My most recent experience with #9 was clementines and strawberry yogurt at the grocery store. Ick.
So painfully true. Reminds me of the Great Stomach Virus of 2000. When all 6 members of my family were taken down by 48 Hour Death…at Christmas. Oh, so very ugly. And just when we thought 6 yr old was okay, on Christmas night, I made hot dogs + mac and cheese for dinner for him and the 10 yr old (yeah, that was a depressing Christmas). Didn’t he throw it all back up all over his bed that night? Poor baby. And poor me for being the only adult physically capable of cleaning it up!
Actually, let me amend that – I think it was a joint effort between me and my mom. Ugh. Worst Christmas ever.
This post is both very funny and sadly true. Mom is always the one to stay up all night holding croupy sounding kids and then drag herself around for the next few days. And I never get sick unless it is guaranteed that I have to be somewhere important or no husband or other family member is available to watch the children.
Hah! I may be laughing but I can SO relate.
OK, so maybe I shouldn’t be laughing then.
Justine´s last [type] ..A belated birthday letter to my 225-year-old
Yep – you got them! Nice list. You always have such creative posts. – Stumble this from theBlogFrog
Emily faliLV´s last [type] ..Bee Friendly Friday Follow Week 18
Fantastic list, and so true it is hilarious. Except for #3 for me, my hubby actually doesn’t whine when he is sick, he just keeps going.
I can NOT even describe how true I am finding this right now! My youngest got sick all over my husband yesterday evening (thank goodness it wasn’t on me or he would have had a LOT more to clean up!!) and I was up the majority of the night listening for every little sound his fever-ridden body made. Reading your post really made me smile and made me feel a little better about the whole situation. Thanks for the great laugh!!
BTW: he seems to be feeling better as he and his big sister wrestle all over the floor!
Oh #4 was so true: “Husband becomes invalid.” This was a great idea for a post – it’s so true, I always do not have whatever it is I need for whatever illness has cropped up. I am the same way with BandAids, bactine…and hair brushes, which always seem to disappear in our house, and which I need every day. (-:
Happy SITS day. I really like your site and am now going to troll through all of the useful blogging and parenting info.
LOL! I came over from SITS and was cruising around when I saw this post. Had to check it out since my kids are just getting over being sick. So true. All of it. When we all had the stomach bug at Christmas I was sick all night and then took care of both kids and my husband, who laid downstairs in his own filth for several days, moaning…
I think I might have to subscribe to this site!
But on the flip side (I can be a silver lining kind of girl when I want to be!), sick kids are CUDDLY. My kids will never slow down enough to snuggle, until they’re sick. Then we get to veg out on the couch all day watching Sesame Street nestled together. I know it’s terrible, but I love it.
Katie´s last [type] ..Blog Challenge makeup – Day 15 on Day 22
This list is great. I am still child-free at the moment, but I am reminiscent of the days after my dad passed away and I was mom’s second-hand! #9 is especially relevant – my mother-in-law is fascinated by my nerves of steel around all types of vomit!!
Also, there are quite a few of these that are true of my furry children (the two dogs), except with them, it isn’t a co-pay, it is more like a second mortgage!!
Nicole Rivera´s last [type] ..Gluten Free Chex Cereals
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