Halloween is nigh, y’all.
At the time of this writing, my daughter isn’t even participating in Halloween. Due to an incredibly messy room that I asked her to clean precisely 2,432 times over a period of three days, I took the most important thing off her floor and hid it: her Cleopatra Halloween costume.
You see, things like dirty rocks, scraps of paper, twisted pipe cleaners, library books, clean pajamas, $2 bills torn in half, and her most precious teddy bear are clearly not things that are important to her, since she didn’t pick any of them up, either.
She was horrified that I would take her costume away. I was pretty dramatic about it, too. I seized it from her floor, looked her in the eye and actually told her I threw it away. That was not nice of me, although I nearly did toss it to teach her a lesson.
She bawled. I hid it in a cabinet, and then tried to figure out how to a) break the news to my husband that I had impulsively taken away his only daughter’s 7th Halloween, b) give her a chance to redeem herself, and c) get her damn room cleaned up, because even with the threat of Cleo hanging over her head, she’d probably get distracted and read a book for 2 hours and never do it anyway.
Upon a few moments of reflection over my Catholic school nun-like parenting moment, I decided that perhaps I needed to throw the ball into her court a bit more. Give her a chance to redeem herself, but to own it and come up with how. Because frankly, I didn’t have any good ideas. Plus, the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion part 3 was about to come on, and I really wanted to see if the two men were going to blows or if Theresa was going to check back into reality.
I told her she needed to come up with a proposal on how she was going to earn the costume back before Halloween.
That was ten days ago, and apparently, she’s still in the creative development stage of that proposal because I’ve got nothin’.
I gently reminded her last Thursday that I was still awaiting a proposal.
She then blurted out that she would do laundry for the entire house and also clean the entire house but under NO circumstances would she clean up dog poop because THAT is just GROSS. Then she shuddered all dramatic-like at the thought of being a responsible pet owner. Did I mention she’s been asking for a puppy or cat?
My kid takes 45 minutes to put her shoes on. Cleaning the entire house would take her until she got her period. I didn’t have time for that. Plus, it wouldn’t be clean enough. Of course, I haven’t cleaned the house in three weeks because I’ve been busy jobhunting. Maybe I shouldn’t complain.
I told her she could empty the dishwasher all of next week and clean the bathroom she shares with her brother. She agreed.
Odds are that Little CEO will not complete the task. She has good intentions, but the idea to write a poem will overtake her and you won’t see her again for 2 hours.
So the question is: what happens come Wednesday when the chores aren’t done?
Would you ever deny your kid the chance to trick-or-treat on Halloween as punishment?
I’m thinking I still have the dog poo to hold over her head.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m a firm believer in not going back on my word and yes, I have impulsively taken away some very inconvenient things. However, I’m also very creative at finding a way to work it back in… “You may go ToTing because I will not ruin this for the family, but sorry, you don’t get to keep any of your candy” or some such business!
Single Mom in the South´s last [type] ..A Taste of Fall: Pumpkin Spice Truffles
Love the idea above- let her go but if she wants any of the candy, she’ll have to earn it by doing what she promised.
I don’t like to take big things away from my kids. It’s why I don’t do Elf on the Shelf, either. While I get the fun of it(though not the work LOL), when it comes to Christmas, we’re big on God gave us the greatest gift when we did NOT deserve it, so the idea of teaching our kids they’ll lose out on a present if they are bad defeats the lesson for me. Though, that might be an unrelated tangent, as I will take away other things at other times for bad behavior.
Shell´s last [type] ..Yurbuds Review and Giveaway
I like the above advice, too…not sure I’d be able to deny her candy during ToT when everyone else is shoveling it in…seems a bit like shaming….tricky! I’ve never taken anything big away either…they’ve never done anything to warrant it and generally I don’t like the idea. But….:)
Oh this so sounds like something I would do . . . and then regret. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to stick to my guns either. No one died from missing Halloween. But then again, I doubt you are going to change her internal need to write a poem or read a book instead of cleaning (as I don’t when I throw tantrum #3549 when I see my son’s room). I am always torn when it comes to strict punishments — especially ones that affect the entire family dynamic. My kids are good — good grades, good manners, good kids. So is a messy room worth it?! Or am I a pushover?!?
I took away all electronics yesterday and now we are all home today with LICE!!! Eww, but also ugh for me! It would be a lot easier day if they could watch a movie in between nit pickings and loads of laundry. Husband is already taking odds on my caving. Right now, though, they are playing games nicely. Only time will tell.
Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop.´s last [type] ..Life lessons from Pinterest.
Sounds like we struggle with the same things…:)
We had lice a few months ago…ugh!!!!!
I know what you mean about the kids being good….but I also feel it teaches them something about being able to live on their own someday and take care of themselves…but they are great kids…ah…. Parenting confounds me!
Don’t go back on your word! You have given her plenty of chances. You even gave her the opportunity to decide what would be fair to earn it back. That’s great parenting!
If she does not pull though to earn her part of the deal, giving in will make her life (and yours) much more difficult in the end.
Skipping a Halloween is not the end of the world but it is a big enough deal that should be able to learn from it. Let us know how it turns out. Good luck
Tough call. Both my husband and I are generally weak parents when it comes to punishment. I’ll take TV privileges away for a week and then end up letting them watch TV all day just to keep them out of my hair. But… I DO believe that taking away big things does work. I’ve done it. My 9 year old wanted a sleepover with her best friend and they had been planning it for weeks. The day OF the sleepover, the 9 year old was being a terror to live with. I gave her plenty of warnings to curb her behavior or I’d cancel the sleepover. She didn’t. I did. I called up the friend’s mother and explained that my daughter wasn’t listening and was being punished and the sleepover was off. She told me she completely understood and that I was a really good mother for sticking to my guns. Believe me… having that hanging over her head was enough to change her behavior for a VERY long time.
Carolyn West´s last [type] ..Cell Phones & Your Kids – AT&T Mobile Safety
I have to agree with everyone when they say, “Don’t go back on your word!” It’s so hard to follow through sometimes and I struggle with these types of consequences (not punishments).
However, I’ve seen firsthand, how a serious consequence shows your child you’re not messing around. Be the “mean” mom and you probably won’t have this issue next time!
Being “mean” in their eyes now will teach them a lifetime about responsibilities and consequences.
Charmin – The Momiverse´s last [type] ..Jump-start date night for a healthy marriage
I totally agree with Michelle. I wouldn’t give in either. This is an important lesson for her to learn and if you give in you will teach her nothing. She needs to know that you will be firm and stand by your decisions. You have given her plenty of time and opportunity to make this work so the ball is in her court.
I believe I had my 7th Halloween taken away as well. Because I did something I was told not to do. My mom was headed out to shop for my Halloween costumes and I was supposed to stay home. When I watched her from the window, I got the urge to run after her. As she was crossing the street.
My mom marched my behind upstairs and did not purchase any costume for me. I stayed home sad. But she kept her word and I didn’t disobey her after that.
Sili´s last [type] ..The Chancleta Chronicles: How I Handle Pests
I lost ToTing my 9th year when I was an unwitting accomplice to a candy swiping incident at the corner 7-11 a few weeks before Halloween.
Despite my protestations of innocence, pleas and bargaining attempts, my parents stuck to their guns — even if I hadn’t actually stolen the candy, I shouldn’t have just stood there watching my classmate stealing.
They stuck to their punishment plan — I had to hand out candy to all my friends that year — and it was a lesson I obviously have never forgotten.
It may seem harsh, and it may sentence you to a less than fun Halloween, but I say you have to stick to your original punishment 100%.
If you revise the punishment or allow her work out some kind of plea bargain, are you teaching that punishments are negotiable?
Lollie ~ The Fortuitous Housewife´s last [type] ..Topsy Turvy Brain…Thanks, ADD
Oh this is a tough one! On the one hand, I try to stick to my guns and make my yes mean yes. It means less arguing further down the road.
But…
I was her. That kid who lost hours and days in a book or writing an epic novel where everyone dies tragically and with great fanfare. My head was always in the clouds and rarely concerned with the mundane tasks my mother set before me.
In other words, I’m no help.
Stick to your guns… If you took Halloween away because she isn’t doing what she is supposed to then do not give in!
There is a lot of great advice here!
I’ve also told my kids that if they don’t clean it I will and I’ll bring a huge garbage bag with me. You know what… I’ve done it too and now the mere threat of it works.
Jackie´s last [type] ..Monday Menu ~ Chicken Soup
Two lessons learned here…
Think twice before you react. As the kids get older, this will be invaluable. Things that you would never expect to come out of your mouth, will fly everywhere once they hit 15 or 16. The same things that fly out when you are drinking.Once it is out there, you can’t go back.
Next year, wait until after she cleans her room before you buy her outfit.
Follow through sucks. I can’t advise. It’s hard. I’ve failed a lot.
My son takes 45 minutes to eat a bowl of raisin bran. Claims not to like soggy cereal. And yet, there he sits singing a little song. He’s 8. Chooses the raisin bran over grape-nuts.
Maybe you can give her the opportunity to earn it by picking up all the poo in the back yard. Clean yard=Cleo
Or alternatively, she could go trick or treating in her regular clothes.
Maggie S.´s last [type] ..It’s That Time of Year Again
This is so funny (I’m laughing, or crying, with you not at you) because my daughter is the same. She can sit among disaster and I can throw every threat at her in the book and she will vow to clean but also be sure to let me know of the one thing she will NOT do to assert her attitude. Then I will shut the door and she will turn back to her computer and continue on.
I will spare you any advice because my daughter is 10 years older so clearly none of my strategies have worked.
Jessica´s last [type] ..I am not your fearless leader
Please please please stick to your guns here or she learns she wins.
Read my article from a few days ago: “Daddy, I Want A Vodka Tonic Now.”
Because tat is what you get when you reneg of things like this. I’m not kidding.
It won’t be easy.
It will suck.
But you won’t have to do this over and over again.
Gigi, what a tough situation!
A couple of times I took away my son’s stuff to make a point. And it did work, but he got very upset which obviously made me feel bad. I later researched it and found out that it is better to take away privileges, rather than things the child believes belong to him. Indeed, it works much better–the child does not get emotionally hurt, but the lesson is learned.
So I think given that you probably want your daughter to know that you are firm when it comes to things that are important to you, I would ride this one out. But maybe next time use the privileges method instead.
I hope this helps!
Olga´s last [type] ..Everybody Sweats
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