One of the things I enjoy most about my Around the Bonfire series is the discussions that are sparked.
Several weeks ago, Suzanne wrote I Wish I Had Married My High School Sweetheart. It evoked a lot of reactions from other women. The post resonated with one reader in particular, Katie from Your Girls and Boys – so much so that she asked if she could share her own perspective on this same topic. I loved the idea, and today, she’s here to do just that.
A while back, when I read Suzanne’s guest post, “I Wish I Had Married My High School Sweetheart,” I immediately started thinking about my perspective on this subject because I did marry my high school sweetheart. At least I think that’s what most people would say. My husband and I didn’t start dating until he’d started his freshman year of college, but it was my senior year of high school, so I think that counts. I’ve told the story of how we met and started dating on my blog before. And it’s a story I love. And we love sharing that story with our kids.
To me, the best part of marrying my high school sweetheart was stated perfectly by Suzanne:
“I wish I had saved all my first love moments for someone who deserved them and proved to be a good person with a kind soul who wanted to offer me as much as I was offering him. I wish my husband was my First Love.”
I love that I can say that all my first love moments occurred with the man I’m married to today. Because we started dating when we were so young, we’ve grown up together. And we still love each other, more than we did long ago when we were experiencing those first feelings of infatuation. Today we are a happily married couple, parents of three wonderful (most of the time) children. I wouldn’t change a thing about how we’ve lived our lives. But? The question we sometimes ask ourselves is: would we want the same for our children? Would we allow it (if we could actually stop it)?
And that’s a difficult question. If I could guarantee my children would have the exact same experience we’ve had: meeting a wonderful person, that one true love, at a young age, and being fortunate enough to have a positive experience, growing and changing with that person. Then, sure, I’d say they should absolutely go for it.
But I don’t think that’s the most likely scenario. We often look back and think about points we took risks for our relationship that could have negatively impacted our lives. We wouldn’t want our children to do the same. Looking back I can admit that part of the reason I chose the college I attended (and loved) was due to its proximity to his college. He followed that up by transferring to my college the following year so we could be together all the time. He graduated from college a year and a half before I did, so he had to take a job he didn’t love in the same city as my college so that we could stay together.
What I’m saying is that I feel that young love caused us to make decisions about our lives based on our relationship. I know that others do the same every day, and obviously we still do now that we’re an old married couple. However, I believe that teenagers can and should be a little selfish at that point in their lives. We were very fortunate that the colleges we chose/transferred to were great schools that didn’t limit our future opportunities. My husband’s job right out of college helped provide for our family for several years. These decisions didn’t hurt us in the long run, but we know that they could have. I want our kids to be focused on their futures and what they want out of life, to be young and selfish while they can, rather than worrying about a significant other at such a young age.
All that being said, I know we can’t always control who we love. If my kids ended up in a relationship just like mine, full of love and so many shared memories, I’d be happy for them.
I’m Katie, a 34-year-old working mom of three – two girls, ages 11 and 8, and one sweet baby boy, who’s almost two so I should probably stop calling him a baby. I’m an accountant by day (and sometimes night), and I love to waste my free time on what some (my husband) might call bad TV shows and celebrity gossip. I started my blog, Your Girls and Boys, a little over a year ago to share the everyday stories of life with my family. And I’ve been happily married to that guy I met way back in high school for 13 years.
Do you want to write a response post to one of the posts from Around the Bonfire? Email me at kludgymom@gmail.com and let’s talk.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s probably a good thing I didn’t marry my high school sweetheart, because I needed time to grow up. Often, though, I wish I was fortunate enough to be with someone who loved me first, now, and for always.
Lynn Kellan´s last [type] ..If stinkbugs were puppies…
It is a pretty great feeling to be with that person you’ve loved forever and know he feels the same – but I definitely understand what you’re saying. We’re fortunate we still like each other as we’ve grown and changed together!
Katie E´s last [type] ..Where I Am Today: KludgyMom
Thank you so much for having me here today, Gigi! I really enjoyed writing this response, and I love the idea of reading more Around the Bonfire responses.
Katie E´s last [type] ..Where I Am Today: KludgyMom
I married my high school sweetheart too- I was a senior, he was a sophomore when we started dating. He was also my first boyfriend.
We’re so blessed tht our lives have continued down the same path, but it has been hard- people grow and change a lot in that time and we’ve definitely had our battles.
Megan´s last [type] ..Disney’s Halloween treat
I know just what you mean!
Katie E´s last [type] ..Where I Am Today: KludgyMom
I love and agree with everything that Katie said! I also married my high school sweetheart. I was 15 and he was 18. We dated for 7 years and have now been married for 21 years and I couldn’t be happier. I was blessed to meet and marry my best friend and we have grown stronger and closer over the years.
We have 3 children, 19, 16 and 9. My daughter was dating the same boy for 3 years in high school and I did not want her to continue her relationship with the same boy. As much as I love my life, I wanted her to experience life before settling down with one boy. I also did not want her to pick her college based on where he was going. They ended up breaking up and she is dating an amazing guy who is in the air force and she is very happy.
I find it strange that I am so against my kids meeting and marrying their high school sweethearts when I am so happy. But, like Katie, if they were totally in love and it seemed right, I would support my kids no matter what.
Yes, it sounds like you know just what I mean. It’s hard to put into words because it’s not like my life hasn’t worked out well, so why wouldn’t I want the same for my kids? I’m glad to hear someone else understands!
Katie E´s last [type] ..Where I Am Today: KludgyMom
I recently read someone say that with choice comes the responsibility of making the right one. I think that a young person who has a choice of a strong relationship at that age and education and carrier options
Olga´s last [type] ..Good Night Moon, Hello YouTube
I recently read someone say that with choice comes the responsibility of making the right one. I think that a young person who has a choice of a strong relationship at that age and education and carrier options at the same time has a tough choice to make. And some young people will choose love and for some of them it will, indeed, be the right choice.
Olga´s last [type] ..Good Night Moon, Hello YouTube
This is so lovely to read. I’m totally glad that I didn’t marry my high school sweetheart, but it’s so nice to read about others who did with such success.
But he was wonderful — we would have been an awful match, but who thinks about all that at the time? — and he’s been on my mind a bit now as I watch my daughters grow and realize that they’re not that far from that amazing, totally enveloping first love that can just take you over.
He affected me for years, and it’s interesting to think about where he is and what he’s doing (have no idea, can’t find him on FB, but it’s better that way). The most interesting thing is to figure out how to glean wisdom from that time to better help guide my kids.
I love that you chose to respond to another post!
And I love your perspective on your own story as reflection and as a mother.
Oh, how tricky that all becomes!
(Lovely post, you two!)
Galit Breen´s last [type] ..The Big Gay Race
I came across this site bc I am heading to Bloggy Boot Camp/ Chicago in November and this the first post I read. I love it bc I too married my high school sweetheart and know that if I hadn’t I would always wonder about him! It is sooo nice to know that all of our firsts were together!
I didn’t have a high school sweetheart, so it’s probably for the best I didn’t marry him/one. LOL. I was super quiet, dorky, and I had no clue about boys really until I was a senior in high school. Even then, no serious boyfriend until freshman year of college. I had a lot of growing up and learning to do. And what’s even crazier is that I got married at 25…and still feel sometimes like that was waaaaay too young. I should’ve waited and really learned to love MYSELF first, get to know myself and what I wanted. I don’t know.
Thank you for sharing this, and making me think about a lot of things!
erin margolin´s last [type] ..Rooted in Writing, Committed to Life