Before all of you Pinterest freaks get on my case, let me make one thing clear before I get into the subject matter of this post.
I do not like Gwyneth Paltrow.
I do like Pinterest.
But…they both make me feel like an ass.
Why?
Well, to start, I actually don’t know anyone that really likes Gwyneth Paltrow. I’ve read a few posts about her that make me chuckle, like Morgan’s and this one at It Builds Character.
But when she says stuff like this on her stupid Goop site, I realize that she is far less smart than her fancy-schmancy education might otherwise indicate. From Gwyneth’s lips regarding the launch of her first app (puke):
I have always dreamed of finding a city guide that would be just right for me, like a trusted friend whose opinion you knew you could count on.
Really, Gwyneth? You sit around and dream about city guides? That must be nice. Because I work and mother my children, and those two things don’t leave a hell of a lot of time for laying on hammocks and musing about the city guides of my dreams. City guides would imply that I get to travel to fabulous cities. Without children. And drink wine and eat amazing food. But I don’t. So screw you.
And by the way, I don’t want to do your freaking Goop Cleanse. That is an oxymoron, by the way, Gwyneth. The words GOOP and CLEANSE should never be used in the same sentence, except if you’re referring to this Goop, which you are not:
And also? Your website font sucks.
ANYWAY. I don’t need to explain any further why Gwyneth and her condescending bullshit make me feel like an ass and a shadow of a woman.
But I do need to explain why Pinterest makes me feel like an ass and a shadow of a woman.
Because Pinterest is full of things I cannot cook, make, craft, replicate, write or otherwise do.
I am in an visually abusive relationship with Pinterest.
I go there, and Pinterest delivers daily visual blows to my homemaker ego.
And I keep going back for more.
Let me give some examples.
Pinterest Tells Me I Will Never Be Giada DeLaurentiis, The Pioneer Woman, or Nigella Lawson.
I am a pretty decent cook but there’s just no way that my concoctions ever come out looking as beautiful as the ones on Pinterest do. It’s like getting your hair done at the salon and trying to make it look that way when you get home. Examples:
- http://pinterest.com/pin/17944098485063349/
If I tried to make these cookies they’d come out looking like something from a bloody crime scene.
http://foodgawker.com/page/2/
Does your stew ever look this good? Mine usually looks like Alpo swimming in water.
Photo Credit Whole Living: http://pinterest.com/pin/86553624058268828/
And what, pray tell, is a freaking Amarinth Cluster?
I might as well just serve a Banquet Fried Chicken TV dinner (with apple cobbler and corn)
Pinterest Tells Me I Will Never Be As Well-Dressed as Kyle Richards or Victoria Beckham.
I read fashion magazines incessantly. But I have neither the skill nor the budget to put a look together. So when I look at the fashion pins on Pinterest, it seriously makes me feel like a colossal schlump.
http://pinterest.com/pin/227854062366999445/
Maybe if I ever left the house. In something other than sweatpants or jeans. But I’d need a reason to do that, and…I don’t.
http://pinterest.com/pin/241857442458356144/
This just screams: Gigi! You’ve always looked like an ass in bubble skirt and this would just confirm that!!!!!!
I could go on in the style department, but suffice it to say I’ve resigned myself to looking like a frump.
Moving on from Style, let’s talk about Home Decor.
Pinterest Tells Me That I Will Never Have Proper Design Aesthetic, And Even If I Do, I Will Never Afford To Put It Into Place In My Home
Being on Pinterest in the comfort of my home and searching Home Decor pins is like having Jonathan Adler sitting on my shoulder mocking my horrendously poor taste:
Seriously. Will I EVER have a bathroom that looks like this?
http://pinterest.com/pin/224124518925564471/
Not as long as my entire family insists on using toothpaste as a decorative countertop finish.
And…
http://pinterest.com/pin/241857442458359996/
And speaking of toilets, the dream of ever having a room that looks like the one above is swirling down the bowl.
I won’t even go into DIY crafts or kiddie projects. It’s just too great a blow to my ego to know that I won’t even start them, let alone complete them successfully. If I want a ball of twine, I won’t be weaving it myself and then fashioning into draperies.
Unrelated to Pinterest making me feel like an asshole underachiever, why do people put inspirational quotes on their boards?
http://pinterest.com/pin/241857442458356107/
Let’s just say for a moment that I’m at the gym and suffering from a lack of motivation. Or perhaps I’m not reaching a goal for my blog right now that I’d like to achieve. As I reflect on my moment of frustration, am I really going to say to myself,
“I know! I need some inspiration and motivation right now! I just need to go to my Pinterest Inspirational Quote Board and everything will be better.”
I’m not going to be Pinterest-ing at the gym anytime soon.
I’m not going to be at the gym anytime soon period. Which could explain more about why I feel like an ass. No, instead, I will continue to return to Pinterest for my visual beating-down, my daily reminders that my house looks like a bachelor apartment, I can’t style a plate of food to save my life, and I belong on the pages of Glamour Don’ts.
Maybe I need to go find a quote on Pinterest about self-image.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 51 comments }
Everything you just said about Pinterest… Spot on. And yet, I can spend an hour a day or more just scanning through and pinning posts. Ridiculous.
Kaycie Christine´s last [type] ..The Appointment Post
SUCH a good post!! I’ve been loving Pinterest for months now and I agree with you! I love it on there & while I know I’ll never do half the stuff I pin on there, it does get my creative juices flowing.
Gywneth, on the other hand, makes me punchy. I’m so incredibly sick of her and her ridiculous pronouncements. And her insistence that she has to sing. Shut up, Gwyneth. No one cares. You sing with mediocrity at best and I’m sick of your bony ass being forced down my throat. Just be over there in England being all whatever and just SIT THERE.
Love it, Gigi!!
You are going about Pinterest totally the wrong way …
save cocktails,
flirty dresses for girls nights,
save places you want to visit -with girlfriends- like me
save wineries, and beaches and fab places to host your social media gatherings when you own the blogosphere
and Gwyneth who? pfft …
By Word of Mouth Musings´s last [type] ..Be Nice or I’ll Blog About You …
Eh don’t really have an opinion on Gwyneth…but Pinterest, it’s bad (in a horribly good way)….I tried explaining what it is to a friend once, and honestly I couldn’t really describe it. I like your description of a “visually abusive relationship”, pretty much sums it up! LOL
Sarah´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday- Wind in my Hair
First, thanks for the Gwyneth post shout-out. Beyond that, I may not have any Pinterest boards created yet, but I’m buying those sassy red boots just because it’s winter and I say so.
I have a life long jealously of anyone who has built-in bookshelves of any kind. Apparently I will need to build a board that just focuses on that.
ChiMomWriter´s last [type] ..Nursing, Milestones and Hindsight
You know what I love/ hate? New words like ‘Pintervention’ and ‘Pinutes’. Like, “Just 10 more Pinutes, honey! I’ll be right there!” And this, “I think you need a Pintervention.”
Yes, I’m addicted. Yes, I still Pin food I probably don’t have the skills to cook, clothes I don’t have money to buy and kitchens I’ll never cook in. But ah well, it’s my fantasy world
Gwyneth who??
Alison@Mama Wants This´s last [type] ..Purple Leaves, Red Cherries: A Review
Thank you. I don’t think I shall ever start using Pinterest now. I mean it. Thank you.
Holly´s last [type] ..Work at Home Vs. Stay at Home is so 1992 by Bonnie Rothman Morris
Lol! This is hilarious. I am right there with you on the fashion thing. Though I have to admit- the kids crafts I do do, though usually a quick not so involved approach.
But yea, pinterest as much as I love it (and I love it a lot) it is just another thing that makes you feel like you have to keep up with the Jone’s- even though I don’t know who these supposed Jone’s are.
Emmy´s last [type] ..Good News Friday
For what it’s worth- I pinned your goat cheese pasta recipe..and it was repinned by someone else too. So see? You ARE pin worthy!
Farrah´s last [type] ..Here I Am Again…Meal Planning Sunday
(raises right hand meekly) I like Gwyneth Paltrow! Bits of Gwyneth Paltrow, anyway.
After thinking of Gwyneth Palrow’s bits I’m afraid I failed to pinterest faded somewhat in significance.
Well, it is 6.37 am!
Symdaddy´s last [type] ..Recipe Grump
THAT was GD perfect.
Oh, yeah, GD perfect.
Sorry! But it is really early!
(raises right hand meekly) I like Gwyneth Paltrow! Bits of Gwyneth Paltrow, anyway.
After thinking of Gwyneth Palrow’s bits I’m afraid pinterest faded somewhat in significance.
Well, it is 6.37 am!
Symdaddy´s last [type] ..Recipe Grump
Gwyneth can suck it and Pinterest rocks, I don’t care what anyone says.
Awesome post, Gigi!
Tonya´s last [type] ..About Last Night
You just described my abusive relationships with Pottery Barn and William Sonoma!
AND yes FONT matters! Readable fonts FTW! And while we are on the subject of type face, don’t try and be fancy and make the color of your font LIGHT GRAY. Srly? Do you now want us to read the words at all? Can I sue you when I lose my eyesight?
You know when I said “you” in my 2nd paragraph above I meant the general you not you you. Just want to make sure…
btw what you said is why I am addicted to instagram now. I have been taking pics of the crap around my house (because, honestly, I don’t go anywhere really so inside my house it is). With all those fancy filters, everything looks GREAT! Yeah! Screw Pottery Barn. My shit is all “Early Bird” chic.
I don’t even know where to start! Hilarious!
“I am in a visually abusive relationship with Pinterest.” <——That!
Laura Lohr | My Beautiful Life´s last [type] ..Mamavation Monday #11
OK, I’ll stand up and admit it. I like Gwyneth Paltrow. There I said it and you can all hate on me now. I don’t mind. I’m used to the abuse. It’s like cupping, something she is fond of. Heh.
Pinterest is like meth. I tell myself it serves no point but the high of looking at beautiful things and laundry rooms that I can never attain. Photos of food mixed with shoes! Oh my! It is like falling down a rabbit hole and going to the Mad Hatters tea party each and every time.
Vicky´s last [type] ..One Lazy SOB
I agree with you to an extent – Pinterest is full of things I can’t do, people I wish I could meet, things I can’t afford and places I haven’t visited.
It’s also a reminder of all the “things” I don’t have… I’m not a materialistic person by any means. But it’s nice to have nice things.
It’s wonderful to dream I guess
amotherworld´s last [type] ..Who Won the Golden Globes 2012?
Oh it’s so true, isn’t it? So many pretty -unattainable- things!
Galit Breen´s last [type] ..Memories Captured January Linky!
Pinterest totally leads me to coveting other people’s stuff. I think the Bible warns me to stay away from it but, it is such fun to see what others are doing and have.
JDaniel4s Mom´s last [type] ..Muffin Tin Monday- More Oatmeal Toppings and Recipes
This is so funny Gigi, I don’t have a crafty bone in my body but Pinterest helps me fake it. I have made some really bad recipes too but of course it was the recipes fault, not mine. I think you just need an inspiration quote strategically placed in between every pin.
Jessica´s last [type] ..One Day
Yep, that about covers it, and yet… I’m like some kind of masochist.
It honestly started as storyboarding for my fiction…
Honestly…
I’m sure there’s a quote about honesty on there I can use to back up my point…
Just let me click over….
Cameron´s last [type] ..Six Unlikely Words
This post was so hilarious, I read it out loud to my husband. He LOL’d. Boys don’t like Gwyneth or Pinterest either. Vive le bachelor pad and sweatpants!
Lea Ann´s last [type] ..Ulta: $3.50 off $10 printable coupon.
I love you so much right now. I hate Pinterest. It’s like Martha Stewart online. And I hated her, too. More than Gwyn. But one day, I will have that house with the cubbies. One day.
And then I will die.
Renee Schuls-Jacobson´s last [type] ..Create Your Own Super Hero Contest
I do not even understand Pinterest!
Aubry Panek´s last [type] ..A Raucous at Walmart
Ha!
My pinterest boards are very basic- pretty much food I think I might actually be able to make.
No style boards, no decorating, no crafts. B/c I suck at all that.
Shell´s last [type] ..Memories Captured: Family
Oh shit Gigi you know I am the person who whips that twine right out of the drawer and starts crafting right? I can’t help it, making things makes me happy.
On the baking stuff though, I am in your camp. Nothing I make will look like what I see. I will try some though, because Violet wants a rainbow birthday cake and I found one on Pinterest.
Loved this post, even if I am the crafty sort who does the stuff I see there
Brittany {Mommy Words}´s last [type] ..When You Give a Boy a Vacuum
I just keep looking…and drooling…at all of these awesome things on Pinterest. And then I look around my house and I just KNOW it will never happen in these parts.nbut they sure do pin some purty things there…
Sherri´s last [type] ..Being Grateful and Warm
You’re right… so, so right.
That bubble skirt… yea, that doesn’t look good on anyone other than the mannequin. That’s why they don’t have a real person modeling it.
Ha, this is great.
1. I agree Gwyneth P is condescending, her PR person should be telling her.
2. Pinterest also makes me wish I was craftier, had more style, etc. I’m slowly doing some of the pins I’ve pinned, but they never quite turn out like the pictures.
I had to look up Goop – agreed, font is bad
Carolyn´s last [type] ..Sports As A Second Language
First question…why were you on Gwenyth’s website?
And…I agree with all of this…it’s why I love you!
Natalie´s last [type] ..Mommy Moment – Tayarra Style
I don’t think I use Pinterest correctly. I browse through and pin things that look pretty to me. While waiting to pick up my pizza. Is that not right?
Once again I feel like the lone lady on the island:
I’ve never even been on Pinterest. I know when I’m not worthy. Don’t need to be reminded.
Loved this post, though, Gigi. You make me feel like a natural woman.
(Alone on an island, but natural.)
julie gardner´s last [type] ..Today call me inspired
Good stuff. I’m a Pinterest newbie, so am staying away from the stuff that intimidates me – like fashion, beautifully decorated homes and DIY stuff.
The signs? I’m a junkie. I actually put them on there to pull from to add a little somethin’ to blog posts. But I keep on forgetting when the time comes . . .
See? Still a newbie.
Missy | Literal Mom´s last [type] ..Mom? I’m Scared . . .
I can’t even get an invitation to join Pinterest.
Maybe it is because I have a tendency to make “good things” go bad.
Loved your post and agree that Gwynnie is highly overrated.
Unplugged Martha´s last [type] ..Martha’s Time of the Month
First, down with Gwynnie. Don’t even get me started here.
Second, with respect to Pinterest, I realized it’s the next generation of the multiple domestic failures I felt after reading Real Simple magazine. And yet I’m pinning away — decorating a house in my mind for which I have no budget.
But the worst part of Pinterest? The organization boards. Like a knife to the heart.
I’m not really sure that Gwyneth is actually human. She might be proof of aliens. City guides, my butt. I like crochet books, but dude, I will not turn down a smutty novel. And Pinterest has me under it’s thumb. I am it’s little groupie. If crack is addictive, Pinterest has to be a million times worse. Yes, I will never have a house like that, but by golly, I did make some badass Christmas presents with the ideas I scored from there (Scrabble tile necklaces, for example), and I have actually dressed myself like I knew what I was doing a couple of times! **cries** It was a proud moment. If *I* can do it, YOU can totally do it, Gigi.
AlishaJaybird´s last [type] ..Don’t Chuck With Me
I have a love hate relationship with Pinterest. It is a total time suck. I tell myself I will make these crafts, but the ones I’ve tried came out like crap. I’ve tried a few recipes but failed to follow exactly or even if I did, the foo was not picture perfect. And I am affirmed daily by Pinterest that I lack style in both my wardrobe and home decor. And yet I go back several times a day!
Most of my boards are fairly empty! Where’s the “real” stuff? I was feeling pretty Pinterest-inadequate but I feel much better now with your support. Hmmm. Now I wonder what’s on Gwyneth’s PInterest boards.
Kelli Nelson (@SweetLifeMommy)´s last [type] ..About
I hate Gwyneth. Always have. Part of it is likely envy but mostly, I can’t stand her smug pretension. As for Pinterest…I have an account but am trying very hard to avoid logging in because I don’t need another obsession, but I’m intrigued by it.
KeAnne´s last [type] ..SOC Sunday: Winter
Wow. Why don’t you whine some more.
I’ve only been on Pinterest 2 weeks and I’m addicted. It’s an escape from reality and lots of fun. It reminds me of the game we used to play with the Sears Wish Book where you get to pick one item you’d like off each page. Anyone else play as a child? Hours and hours of fun.
This post really made me laugh because I feel the same exact way
Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday: My Toddler, the Renaissance Man (LINKY)
Ok so I am totally addicted to Pinterest…..but my blog should be full of all my Pinterest fails. While it did inspire me to redo my pantry, it didn’t look anywhere near as pristine as all the beautiful pins. And I have decided that my house will always have the “lived in” look as long as I have children and large dogs. So much for decor. Fabulous post.
Elaine @ Being Mrs Roberts´s last [type] ..Guest Blogger: $14 Modern Ruffled Table Runner
This is absolutely HILARIOUS. You hit the nail on the head! I always sit there and pin the hell out of these idealistic images – hoping that someday in my wildest fantasies, that I will have the infinite funds to be able to hand-pick every decorative element in my non-existent country home and be able to somehow learn how to use power tools and other Handy Manny items to create some masterpiece out of old old useless items cluttering my home.
I am glad I am not the only one who feels like I am abusing myself and escaping to some fairytale land whenever I get lost in the Pinterest abyss.
On the other hand, since it does bruise my ego so much… I do find myself proactively taking baby steps to be more like Sally homemaker and proudly show it off like a kindergarten student showing off their finger painting. I slowly feel like there’s more hope in my future of being not so domestically-challenged despite having absolutely no time with my busy job and busy child.
Thanks again for the reaffirmation!
Funny! Thank you. I just killed way too much time on pinterest after not having been on it for over a month. The GooP (Ah, maybe that’s it – her initials) blog lost my interest really quickly after I checked it out a couple of years ago (not to jump on the bash bandwagon, but she’s a bit too much of a golden child to appeal to me). Glad I found your blog.
Playing some catch up with my blog reading…saw this after spending the day off and on Pinterest. It is most certainly addictive, yet after I started I realized that it seemed to just be an “envy” of all things I don’t have or can’t have or will never have…so I made a choice and decided to pin what already has been, or what might be…realistically. I’m doing my best to make it a reflection of who I am, and what I may achieve. I hope my boards reflect an honest me, not an “only if” me…
This post is ridiculous! Haha I use things from pinterest constantly! And gweneth?? What the heck! Who cares! You say you’re all so busy with life, family and such.. Why do you care so much?!
it’s tongue in cheek humor.
Pinterest makes me want to do crafts I don’t even like. Like giant cardboard alphabet letters with mod podge stuff on it. Because everybody has them in their house, right? It’s a Pottery Barn rip-off, so it must be good. If you make it look “French” or “Vintage” – or better yet, Vintage French – you could even SELL it on ETSY!!
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