I hope you had a very Happy Easter, if you celebrate!
As I sit here watching my kids eat The Easter Breakfast of Champions: Cadbury Mini-Eggs, Sweet Tart Jelly Beans and egg-shaped Whoppers, I realized something.
While we all aim to raise good global citizens, challenge our children to become the best they can be and hopefully teach them a thing or two about being independent, we spend a lot of our time as parents lowering our once-high standards.
Stay with me.
Sleep Standards
Before kids: our standard for a good night’s sleep was 8 to 9 hours of solid, uninterrupted slumber.
After kids: our standard for a good night’s sleep is one in which only one child wakes instead of two, where 5 hours sounds blissful and where I don’t voraciously attack my husband with a pillow because of snoring.
Meal Standards
Before kids: our standard for an excellent meal was a 6-course chef’s tasting at a hip urban restaurant – with wine pairing.
After kids: our standard for an excellent meal for our children is one green bean (consumed after heavy berating and threats of no video games), some crackers and 8 pieces of salami. For us, an excellent meal is one in which both of us has gotten to eat 3 to 4 bites of hot food (usually discarded shrapnel from our kids’ plates) before having to pour another glass of juice or settle an argument over who gets the last Oreo Double-Stuf.
Vacation Standards
Before Kids: a proper vacation involved purchasing a new wardrobe, boarding a cocktail-laden flight to somewhere warm and relaxing, and spending 6 to 7 days (or, in the case of our honeymoon, 3 weeks) of high-end food, gambling, sightseeing, hours of tennis lessons and adult conversation.
After Kids: a successful vacation involves traipsing around a hot, crowded amusement park populated with the People of Wal-Mart and getting photo opps with every licensed character imaginable. Bonus points if no children are lost, if you sneak in one beer at dinner, and if you don’t have to call your kids ungrateful spoiled brats the entire time.
Alone Time Standards
Before Kids: alone time was a time of rejuvenation, reflection and an opportunity to pursue one’s personal goals to achieve a more fulfilled self.
After Kids: alone time is a period in which you wonder what to do with your alone time, which results in copious list-making of all the things you didn’t do during your non-alone time.
Arts & Culture Standards
Before Kids: culture meant center seats to Wicked, listening to live jazz or whiling away hours at a museum.
After Kids: culture means listening to “Fruit Salad, Yummy Yummy” for the eleventieth time today, debates over whether the marker stains on the wall could pass for abstract art, and an eerily intimate knowledge of all things Bieber.
And so, in our efforts to make our children some of the best and brightest of their generation – to raise their standards of what humans can be – we lower our own.
And it’s all good.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 46 comments }
Hilarious! I can relate! I love your “one green bean” example. It’s funny how quickly life morphs into that. I also have been forced to learn about Justin Bieber–against my will!
Grumpy Grateful Mom´s last [type] ..Wardrobe Wars- Then and Now
Having just returned from the lower-standard vacation, I can safely say that I would totally abandon my kids with the grandparents next time. Screw ‘em. That was the most unrelaxing vacation I ever took. And the sleep thing? Completely true. Actually…all of it is true.
Dude you had a LIFE before you had kids…
And as far as this “alone time..results in copious list-making of all the things you didn’t do during your non-alone time.” I demand to know where the video camera you must have placed in my house is!
I am actually in the midst of list making in preparation for this coming weekend without kids. The amount of stuff on the list is more than I could realistically do in a month without kids but I am allowed to have my delusions, right?
I also have no idea when was the last time I finished a meal while it was still hot
Stephanie´s last [type] ..I just don’t get…
Oh, so very true. I counted the pieces of tomato in salsa as vegetables for my kids this weekend.
Our anniversary was last night, and we managed to squeeze in a glass of wine and half a movie after we had dinner with the kids & out of town relatives, plus put together and hid Easter goodies. Things have changed
As long as it’s Anthony the blue Wiggle singing “Fruit Salad”..it’s all good really.
tracy´s last [type] ..So that is what eight looks like
As a new momma to an 8 month old little boy… you are very right. Not sure about you, but I choose to ignore my mother’s advice, that after kids your life changes forever. There is no going back, so live it while you have it…. boy are momma’s always right or what?? Now if only I could impart this knowledge to my friends that are so determined to have children…. *sigh*
Ha ha! So true and the earlier we realize it, the better off we’ll be.
Tracey´s last [type] ..Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins for Earth Day
I think you got it spot on! Especially the meals
I am happy to say I don’t know what the salad thing is. However, I can quote The Chuggington Theme song easily.
What about the standard of privacy? Before kids: long hot showers alone. No fear of anyone disturbing you during a quick bathroom break. After kids: Attempting any act in a bathroom, whether shower, bath, makeup application, or using the toilet, is guaranteed to turn it into Grand Central Station.
Thanks for the Easter laugh, Gigi.
Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos´s last [type] ..Old School
Too true!! And, like Angela and her salsa, I always count store-bought spaghetti sauce as multiple vegetables (tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, onions… and whatever else I can imagine might be in there!)
Having children = lowered standards but increased hugs and love! I think it’s a good trade-off.
Ditto on the sleep thing. Does anyone remember what a lie-in feels like? Or even what it is anymore?
Great list!
Alison@Mama Wants This´s last [type] ..Im at World Moms Blog!
Oh this is right on! I can’t imagine having the luxury of sleeping in, eating a full meal {while its hot} and have down time…..I probably won’t see this again for a LONG time!
Oh so true. Thanks for the morning giggle!
Amber´s last [type] ..Three Things I Look Forward To Telling Her First Boyfriend
It does become “take what you can get” doesn’t it?
So very funny.
Well that was my breakfast too…and then I ended up saying hello to it again in the afternoon. Yup, my stomach isn’t cut out for eating like I used to…bleh.
Yes, kids sure do change things up a bit don’t they??
Kimberly´s last [type] ..Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday
Great list! Oh, how did the Wiggles become culture for us. I’ve had enough Big Red Car to last me a lifetime.
Elena´s last [type] ..Happy Easter!
The snoring is about to drive me batshitnutty! Seriously. And the 3 yo snores, too – I can’t handle it.
AGREED! Actually, if I get 4 hours of sleep every day, I consider myself well rested, and I don’t have babies and toddlers any more! I stay up so I can have me time beyond work and family…
Condition of Wallet
Before kids: contained reasonable amounts of actual cash, and credit cards with high limits that were paid of monthly.
After kids: contains cobwebs and one flattened Junior Mint and a crumpled “buy 1000 get one free” card for Yogurt Time.
Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points´s last [type] ..I’d Be a Wicked Good Nature Show Host
People keep on saying that “it’ll get better,” but a “good night” of sleep right now is when I fall asleep in my armchair with a baby in tow . . . I wake up grumpy & creaky, but I at least got some sleep.
They said “you’ll never be ready” for kids – but, damn.
John´s last [type] ..Throwback Thursday- Riding in an Elevator with James Earl Jones
I can promise that when they become teenagers, there is another stage. Not quite “before” – because you really wouldn’t know what to do with yourself, but not quite “after” either. It’s like little glimpses of “before” tucked into yet another new normal.
Ally´s last [type] ..My Blankie
What is it with kids and salami? Mine ADORES salami and sometimes it is the only thing I can get her to eat? Thank goodness it freezes beautifully and Costco has that jumbo pack of a pretty decent variety.
Alone time is a scary, scary place – but one I hope to get to know better as time goes on.
Great post, Gigi!
This could also be titled Why I’m not ready to have kids yet!
Hutch´s last [type] ..The Difference Between Ice Cream and Brownies
Yes, how the standards change! LOL. Can’t say we were “high class” before, but now I’m just happy when we have “date night” and get to run into Walmart or Target without kids!
You are so right about the alone time Gigi! Why I am spending that precious time planning what to do when I am not alone? Good grief!
Paula@Simply Sandwich´s last [type] ..I Did It…I Did It…I Did It!
Isn’t that the truth. I really don’t think I’d know how to function anymore if I got 8 hours of sleep. My body just isn’t used to it anymore. Though I have to say, I would still love to give it a try.
C @ Kid Things´s last [type] ..Easter – Birthday
I feel you on the green beans, alone time and sleep time. My kids don’t wake up because they don’t go to bed until 9:30 and tired but I definitely spend a lot of time telling my husband to roll over because of the snoring. lol
Nicole´s last [type] ..Husband Takes Longer
As always, Gigi, awesome words! Everything is so true! Thanks for the laughs!
Oh Gigi-
I HEAR you sister! I just returned from a week’s vacation with the crew- and I don’t feel well-rested, relaxed, or rejuvenated. That’s how I used to feel BEFORE…… now my AFTER just looks like 17 loads of laundry- suitcases stacked everywhere, and sand in my shoes.
Sigh….
You know I just finished a 12 day road trip with three kids who think sleeping in hotels is a joke right? And we called it a vacation just to feel better about it.
Brittany {Mommy Words}´s last [type] ..The Easy Glee
“The People of Walmart” I love it. I really can’t think of a better description than this!! The truth is that vacationing with kids sucks. I just got back from Europe and really, I should have saved all my money and waited until summer when I could go with my husband and actually get my money’s worth.
I love this post!
Ameena´s last [type] ..stumped
Just, yes. And amen. The standards have been lowered around here.
Missy @ Wonder, Friend´s last [type] ..The Search
oh man, so true every word! Also, my hair color went from 200$ highlights in a salon to 5.99$ Miss Clairol box from the grocery store. C’est la vie!
Jerilyn´s last [type] ..Show 57 Birthday
Ugg, I would be o.k. with even four hours of sleep if my husband didn’t snore! I want to beat him with the pillow repeatedly!
Sooo true!
So sad but true. You really should write a book: So you think you want to have kids.”
But the joy of parenthood, nothing can be written to prepare us for that! (Yes, I write this after a particularly good, yet rare night of sleep, sans snoring.)
Rock A Bye Your Bear is pretty much on a loop in my house and it drives me crazy. But seeing my daughter do the motions to the song is adorable and keeps me from going insane when I hear it over and over.
I look forward to when my husband takes our little girl out so I can get some alone time but I end up spending it missing my daughter.
Elle´s last [type] ..When you care enough to scare your kid and want to pay for a lifetime of therapy- take them to see the Easter Bunny
Oh this makes me cry… so true. So sad.
Justine´s last [type] ..Our eggs-cellent adventure
On our last night of spring break (our school district tortured me by giving my kids Monday off, too) we grilled steak, chicken and fresh vegetables.
Oh yeah and some leftover sausage. Three links, I think.
That’s all my kids wanted to eat. The fought over sausage. Yep. They’d eat salami for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Twice.
So true. Next up, how we relax our expectations between the first child and the 6th.
!st child: You will graduate with honors, then a top tier school, go to Europe, make a name for yourself and get accepted into the top MBA program in the country.
6th: You will complete all of your assignments, on time, turn them in, on time. You will graduate with out being arrested or getting pregnant. You will go to a college and graduate without getting pregnant or being arrested.
Suffice it to say, my idea of successful parenting has changed in the last 20 years!
So funny, Gigi. 3 week honeymoon? WHERE?? Maybe don’t tell me. I may cry.
My favorite is when my husband and I get out of bed on the weekend, all refreshed and smiling, because we got to sleep in… until 7am. I LOVE when that happens.
Carol Ramsey´s last [type] ..Carol- Is That You Are You There
This is so true, Gigi!
And I especially agree with the alone time thing. When I get it, I spend way too much of it trying to decide what in the heck I want to do!
Sherri´s last [type] ..April 22- 2004
It’s probably the high tendency of being too busy with things at home or too tired going home from work where we almost rum out of time to see the needs of our kids and reflect if were still doing what was really intended for us to do. It’s our primary duty to raise our kids and make the best that they can be but sometimes things seems go beyond our expectations until it reaches the point where we can no longer handle the situation.
Myrna´s last [type] ..onion juice for hair regrowth
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