Today, my Summer of Love series takes a different turn – to the topic of blogging.
My friend Nichole from In These Small Moments writes a lovely, dreamy blog that chronicles just that – the small moments of childhood. But in the process of starting her blog, she’s found plenty of positive moments in womanhood, too. And that’s what Nichole shares with us today in her post. I’m happy to host Nichole, and hope you visit her blog as well. You won’t regret reading her beautiful writing, I promise!
I gave up my career when my daughter, Katie, was born. A career that I had so desperately wanted…one that took me years to earn.
And I gave it up happily.
I was ready to devote myself to Katie and then, two years later to her brother, Matthew, as well.
But in the process, I also lost a bit of myself. My babies came to truly consume me.
I had given up my job, with its measurable success, and replaced it with motherhood, a job with no performance reviews, no way to know how I was doing, really.
So, I obsessed and I became Smother Mother.
I measured my self-worth on how well I performed as their mother.
Surely, if I made all of their baby food from organic ingredients, then I was a good mom, right?
If I put ground flaxseed in everything they ate, then I certainly qualified as a great mom, right?
I was convinced that if I project managed their childhood, I could look back on these years and know that I had excelled at my job.
Each milestone they reached became my own accomplishment. Their successes, my own.
And as much as we all, as parents, do that, I came to realize that I needed something more…something that would allow me to engage my brain in different ways while remaining home with them, where I so desperately wanted to stay.
So, I began blogging.
Setting up my blog gave me something else to think about, a new way to use my brain in a non-mommy way.
I read everything I could find about blogging. I bought books, made notes, planned carefully. I had an additional sense of purpose.
Choosing my niche, platform, and theme gave me a way to express myself in ways that I hadn’t in so long.
Then, once I had done my homework, I dove in.
And it was heavenly.
Blogging during naptime recharged me. I found myself more fulfilled and was able to offer my children a bit of space in which to breathe.
I had something to think about aside from milestones and growth charts, flaxseed and DHA.
Slowly, I felt a part of the old me come back to life.
I created something that could be measured, something that I so desperately needed. Blog statistics, while fickle and somewhat arbitrary, helped me to measure success in one part of my life.
And now, 15 months later, I’m still at it.
The amazing comments left by my readers help me to feel as though I’m more than just a mother…that I have something else to offer.
The friendships I have made through blogging have made me feel far less alone. I adore the give and take and the sense of community in the blogging world.
It excites me that I still see areas in which I can improve and seeing my blog evolve and change energizes me.
Though I write about Katie and Matthew and what it means to be their mother, blogging has offered me a way to also be Nichole again and in the process, I’ve become, if not a better mother, at least a slightly less obsessive and far healthier one.
And I think my children will thank me for that one day.