I wouldn’t be KludgyMom without putting my own odd twist on the “I just went to a blog conference SUCKERS! Muahaha! And here’s what I learned! And here’s all the swag I got!” post.
So, I decided to post in two parts. Today is the really meaty stuff that you are all dying for. Tomorrow, a bit lighter fare.
But first, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank my blog sponsor, The Frilly Coconut Design Shoppe, for helping get me to NOLA. She is the mastermind behind my lovely header, design, color scheme and more. She is why I look like much less of a hack than I truly am. She is seriously better than beignets. In my biggest Cajun accent, Thank you, Jess!
1. I can, in fact, sustain my body on nothing but beignets, water, cocktails and mini tarts for at least three days.
2. The best way to get around the awkward moment of NOT knowing the blog of the person you’ve just met is by saying, “I think I’ve seen you on Twitter!”
3. No one, and I repeat no one, except for me and uber-nerds know the correct pronunciation of KLUDGY. Repeat after me: clue-gee. Note to self: consider rebranding. Further note to self: that’s gonna suck.
4. A key component to happy bloggers is having continual wi-fi. No wi-fi = grumpy bloggers.
5. A key component to happy elderly bloggers (elderly being: over age 40) is having time in the schedule carved out for dinner. Early dinner. No dinner = grumpy elderly bloggers who then have raging hangovers after drinking on an empty stomach.
6. The Ritz-Carlton is proud of their wines by the glass. $15 proud. Don’t they know I don’t even drink BOTTLES costing $15?
7. People who I knew from Twitter that I met for the first time? Insanely cool. People who I didn’t know from Twitter that I met for the first time? Insanely cool. Listening to some bloggers continually take swipes at PR firms in an arrogant way? Insanely uncool.
8. Don’t complain about a planned set of field trips getting in the way of more conference programming until you try it. Because at the point I’ve listened to 6 sessions on personal branding, seeing Nicolas Cage’s ostentatious mausoleum and mobile Mr. Okra Guy was a refreshing change.
9. it doesn’t matter what humid clime the conference is being hosted in, and how flat and disgusting one’s hair gets in said clime, one should be prepared at all times to be filmed for video spots. One should then rejoice when one’s horribly ad-libbed video clip does not make it into the conference highlight reel, shown in front of 450 people including peeps from Martha Stewart, Babble, YouTube and Oprah. One should rejoice that one is not a big enough or recognizable enough blogger to have even been considered for said highlight reel.
10. For the love of God, do not sit with your back to the stage during keynotes. You cannot turn your chair all the way around, because you’ll miss the dialogue at your table. You cannot face the table, because then you’ll miss the keynote. You will have to contort your body as if doing Jazzercise, your shirt will creep up and instead of hearing about the future of social media, you will wonder whether you’re rocking a plumber’s crack to the Bloggess or somebody famous who is sitting behind you and who is now taking photos of said crack and filtering them through Instagram and posting a Twitter message with it like: Dumbass conference newbie at #mom2summit.
11. Do not ask a bunch of bloggers to read their pieces aloud to other bloggers and expect them to limit themselves to 5 to 7 minutes. If I had planned correctly, I could have packed my luggage Saturday night, taken it to the Eiffel Society, stayed for the entire Eiffel Society Loads of Hope event, which started at 8 p.m., and then headed directly to the airport for my 7:40 a.m. Sunday flight. Because I’m pretty sure that’s how long the bloggers read for.
Okay, yeah, so, the meaty post is tomorrow. But in the meantime, I found Stacey Nerdin’s post at Tree, Root and Twig, and the comments that followed, to be an excellent overview of the hits and misses of Mom 2.0 Summit. Go check it out.