I got laid off from the best job I’ve ever had last Wednesday.
Over the last few days, I’ve been alternating between anger, panic, mourning and being puzzled.
It wasn’t just a fabulous job because I truly love what I do. It was a fabulous job because it was half of our household income. And we just bought a house.
I’m one of those folks who struggles with times of ambiguity. It’s hard for me to not think about every worst-case scenario, to wonder what might happen, to dread having to entertain the idea of moving my children AGAIN if I don’t find good employment by the end of the year. To fill my days with what-ifs.
It’s a blessing that I’ve recently discovered the brilliance that is Jason Mraz’s music. It is uplifting, inspiring and full of positivity.
So when my mind starts running away from the Right Now and worries about The Future, I’ve been playing his song, Living in the Moment. Over and over and over again.
Because this lyric says it all:
“I will not waste my days making up all kinds of ways to worry about all the things that will not happen to me.”
But we do this, don’t we? I do. And I need a constant reminder that it’s not healthy. It’s not productive. It sets traps – traps that ensnare our legs and tangling us up in fear.
And when we fear, we can’t really let the signals come – the ones that help us naturally fall into the next piece of our own story.
“I can’t walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I’d been searching for”
Today, I have health. I have a home. I have two beautiful children. I have friends and family and goodness all around me.
“I’m letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong”
Things will work out for me.
I’m breathing deep, focusing on today.
“Wherever I’m going
I’m already home”