This is not a recipe post. So my I Don’t Get Within 15 Feet Of The Kitchen readers, stay with me. This post will continue my Rage Against the Magazine and my current obsession with Creepy 1970s Game Show Hosts,
Photo Credit: Bon Appetit Magazine
Bon Appetit Magazine’s January issue has declared that whoopie pies are the new cupcakes.
So it must be true.
Yet, I was skeptical. I googled it and apparently, there is huge debate in the foodie community right now over what will be the new cupcake: whoopie pies or french macaroons.
Foodies like to take on weighty issues, don’t they?
Anyway, I am here to declare that I hate the name whoopie pie.
Do you know why I hate it? Because it reminds me of Bob Eubanks.
photo credit: hollywood walk of fame
Bob Eubanks was another creepy game show host. For those of you who can’t shelter your children in your deepening facial lines yet, Bob Eubanks hosted a variety of game shows. His work encompassed such classics as Card Sharks and All Star Secrets. But his seminal work can be found on The Newlywed Game.
And I’m not talking about The NEW Newlywed Game, people. Because that was just a lame sequel. You gotta stick with the best, the original, The Newlywed Game.
My mom would always lay down at around noon every day to watch “her stories.” That was mommytalk in the 70s for “I know you think I’m watching soap operas, but leave me alone because I’m sleeping and leaving you to your own devices.”
God, those were the good old days, when parents could totally NOT supervise their kids.
Now granted, I was a really good kid. Ridiculously good. I never faked being sick because I really loved school. I was sort of weird that way. So if I was home, it was because I had 9-inch snot daggers hanging out of my nose, or because I ate too much Fritos and chocolate cake the night before and ended up puking up the Pepto-Bismol my mom gave me for a tummy ache.
While she <airquote>”watched her stories”<end airquote> I would have this little teeny tiny TV brought into my room so I could rest and watch things like The Match Game, which I talked about yesterday. And I also watched The Newlywed Game.
Even back then, Bob Eubanks gave me the creeps. But what creeped me out most about him? Was his use of the catch-phrase “making whoopie.”
Ew. I cringe just picturing him in his powder blue leisure suit, uttering those words. And um, I cannot believe my mom was sleeping while I watched shizz like this:
So, needless to say, when I think of whoopie pies becoming the new cupcake, I immediately harken back to Bob Eubanks and women wanting some action from behind. And that is just not that appetizing to me when I’m looking for a sweet after-dinner treat.
Perhaps we need to come up with some alternative names for the Whoopie Pie – names that have the same air of sensuality, but less Bob Eubanks.
Alternative Names for The Whoopie Pie
Tube Snake Boogie Tart
Hanky Panky Hot Cross Bun
Copulation Creampuff
Gettin’ Busy Ganache
Hide The Bologna Pie
Horizontal Polka Palmier
Shaggin’ Sorbetto
Clam Dip Cookie
Dip The Wick Dolcetti
Glaze The Donut Ganache
Naughty Napoleon
Mounted Macaroon
Park The Beef Bus In Tuna Town Petit Four
Two Person Push Up Torte
Disco Stick Divinity
Boinkin’ Baklava
Good enough to eat, right?
Thanks, Mr. Eubanks.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 53 comments }
Good God I may never eat another Whoopie Pie ever again.
Thank you very much.
Each one of these alternatives needs to be it’s own dessert. Please work on that immediately.
Also those were the good old days when you could eat Fritos and chocolate cake without anyone calling CPS.
Yuliya´s last [type] ..Diet Bite me!
yes, CPS was nowhere to be found. Thank God.
Love, love, love The Newlywed Game and that blooper truly is the best in TV history.
I vote macaroons. Hands down. Never had one of those from behind, have you?!?
No, can’t say that I have.
That clip always makes me laugh. I wonder if those two are still married?
And as for a “new cupcake,” I think the old ones are just fine. I did see recently where neon orange is the new hot pink. Whatever that means.
Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last [type] ..Me and my buddy
HAHA! My grandmother used to “watch stories”…I could never figure out if they were “stories” why I wasn’t allowed to watch too! I liked stories!
Jenn´s last [type] ..How I Roll
How did that poor woman ever live that down? I wonder if her kids know about her 15 minutes. Yow.
My mom had As The World Turns and The Guiding Light as her stories. There were seven of us. She was too tired to try and make us watch something else. We all watched it with her. It’s where I learned everything I know.
Copulation Creampuff makes me look at the Whoopie Pie in a whole different way.
joann mannix´s last [type] ..Christmas 2010 Memorialized In Blurry Pictures
That’s it. I’m sticking with traditional cupcakes, or even pre-packaged Hostess crap, in order to never, ever invoke an image of Eubanks while eating.
Kim´s last [type] ..The Next Big Thing
I would have liked to see Eubanks vs. Barker go cage fighter on each other.
And now I have you to thank for this in my head…’another bride. Another groom. Another funny honeymoon…another reason. Another season…” Oy.
I’m so not giving up cupcakes for macaroons or bakery budonkadonk
I loved the Newlywed Game!
I didn’t find Bob Eubanks creepy. Just very often he seemed truly blind-sided by some of the answer that popped out.
And the only “soap” we watched? Dark Shadows. Swoon.
Ooh..dark shadows! I had forgotten about that one!
clearly we had very similar childhoods. And the word whoopie always, always reminds me of Newlywed Game.
Now go outside and play but be home when the street lights come on.
THAT was the best part about being a kid…getting to stay out, alone, til dark.
Just left you ‘blog love’ on my blog, go and pick it up
Now I have to go and copulate …
By Word of Mouth Musings´s last [type] ..My cup overflowed today
I’m rather impressed at all the innovative whoopie pie names you’ve come up with, especially the Hide the Bologna Pie.
Totally remember the Newlywed show, yes the old old one…sigh…and yes, TOTALLY remember his references to “making whoopie!” I had thankfully erased that from my memory, but now it’s back in fricken neon lights!
Oh, and I had to laugh. My mother left me to my own devices, and as a result, I sort of parent the same way…please don’t call social services on me.
Sandra´s last [type] ..Who wants to play Scrabble with us!!!
Mind you, I fully approve of my mother’s parenting. Look at me, would ya?
Oh my gosh. That clip! WOW.
I have never eaten a whoopie pie. Don’t think I ever will.
If we have to replace the cupcake, we could do it with the Moon Pie. Very yummy….of course, putting the Moon Pie in light of this post makes me rethink the name. I wonder if Bob Eubanks (in all his creepiness) would agree?
Tracie´s last [type] ..One Word- Courage
You might see some serious butt cheekage with a moon pie.
Gigi, I love you on so many levels. But you know I love that you are from my generation!
And this is the FIRST THING I think of when someone says whoopie!! This exact clip!! It’s just too funny, and especially given the time in which it aired.
No whoopie should ever take the place of a cupcake. But if it did? I like your ideas better.
Sherri´s last [type] ..Guest Post – In These Small Moments
As I said on twitter, we dinosaurs have to stick together!
I will admit to school girl giggles over whispered “whoopie” s going around our circles. Imagine what happened when I first came across Whoopie Goldberg. Yeah, more giggles, followed by thoughts of why did her mother name her after sex? which brought on a whole new set of giggles of course. Enter the Whoopie Pie a couple of years ago, and it was like being a school girl all over again.
And I’ll take a Mounted Macaroon to go, please.
Damn. I totally could have incorporated Whoopi Goldberg into this post. What a brilliant idea. Sigh…
Mounted macaroon coming right up.
I have always thought they looked like Naked Moon Pies.
JDaniel4′s Mom´s last [type] ..Muffin Tin Monday- New Years Eve Meal
I actually remember a lot of these shows that you’re referencing – and they’re always better than the “new” versions. When we used to go down to the deer lease, I would love to hunt, but during the day when the guys would work I was useless…so I watched these shows!
And, I immediately think of this when I hear the term “whoopie”, too. I also held my head in my hands for a good 3 minutes after watching that video while just saying, “No..no..no.”
A couple of weeks ago I was (shhh…) watching the new version with Sherry Shepherd. The question was for the women, “About how many times per week do you make love?” Or whatever term she uses, but I don’t think it’s whoppie. One lady responded with, “125!”
It wasn’t even funny; it was a really awkward moment for my mother and I as we turned and looked at each other and said, “What the hell is she talking about?”
Ah! The Newlywed Show never fails to have an awkward moment!
That is the blessing and the curse of the Newlywed game!
All I can say is:
Luke and Laura
The Ice Princess
Elizabeth Taylor!
And gosh, I even remember the whoopie pie. Give me Swiss Rolls any day…
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last [type] ..Green Belt Bloggers – They Boldly Embrace Life BEYOND Their Blogs
Ah, you’re a Little Debbie fan. That’s a whole other blog post!!!
My husband eats whoopie pies for breakfast. No joke. He runs 8 miles, comes home and eats a whoopie pie.
Did you know how they got their name? They are actually amish desserts, and when the men in the field would find one in their lunch pail, they would yell, “Whoopie!” No sexual overtones at all from the people who live in Blue Balls and Intercourse Pennsylvania.
Well if one runs 8 miles, one is entitled to a whoopie pie! if one likes those things!!!
I actually thing Bob E is the best looking of all the old show hosts. He’s not some weird orange color (Bob B), and he’s less drunk than Gene. The whoopie thing IS troubling, but like an earlier commenter, I agree that he probably was just flummoxed by the moron-ity that showed up to play.
In all seriousness, I feel sad for my children sometimes that when they stay home sick from school they don’t have the experience of moving the small tv into their room, the ginger ale on the tray, and the hours and hours of game shows.
Hours of Spongebob or Phineas and Ferb on the couch just don’t have the same feel to them….
alyson: common sense, dancing´s last [type] ..If I bash it with a baseball bat- will it stop chirping
I agree! Our kids are so deprived of…depravity!!!!
You’ve headed more and more down TV lane. I’m telling ya, this is the year of Seinfeld!
Jerry even started that short lived Marriage Fight TV show where they brought on guests to decide who won.
liz´s last [type] ..Many Facets of a Cave Man
HYSTERICAL, Geeg!
And now?
I can never eat my Costco bakery again.
Heehee….wet-TING my pants over naughty napoleon.
XO you’re the best.
And, yeah, me too…how the heck we were allowed to watch that crap? I just don’t know….
Remember that? “What’s your favorite place to make whoopie?” “In my wife’s butt. ”
Puh–leez!
I think I may have actually SEEN the blooper when it first aired. Sad.
See, it makes me think of whoopie cushions, which is just as unappetizing.
Now, how can I orchestrate getting my own stories to watch?
KLZ´s last [type] ..An Antler Evolution
you of all people should have family who is well versed in the “stories.”
Oh, you are taking me BACK with these posts. Our afternoons were completely devoted to soaps, from the time the news ended til Oprah or Sally Jessy (depending on the mood). Like Joann said in her comment, it’s where I learned everything I know.
Well, that and your new dessert names. I hadn’t heard of a few of those euphemisms before. You’ve educated me today.
I think my favorite is Hanky Panky Hot Cross Bun – it’s sorta melodic.
I am here to educate and inform
Park The Beef Bus In Tuna Town Petit Four????
Not only am I never eating a whoopie pie again, I may be off food entirely.
My waistline thanks you.
Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points´s last [type] ..Hey- You in the Fuzzy Red Bermudas!
Boinkin’ Baklava is the winner.
I mean, obviously.
Hahahahahaha!!!!! You’ve just slingshotted (urp!) me back into my childhood, too. I ran over here after reading your comments at Kris’ house WRT The Coneheads & now I think I’m in love. There’s just no equivalent to the lunacy that late ’60s/early ’70s TV afforded the viewing audience. *sigh* I’m proud to say that I was able to provide my now-grown Son with the whole Ginger Ale (actually Sprite, with the bubbles stirred out) & tiny TV experience when he was elementary school aged. Except by then the TV was Reading Rainbow and Pinky & the Brain. Narf! Game shows had fallen by the wayside and People’s Court, et al were just so wrong. Oh, and I remain a 3rd-generation ABC afternoon fan, although I frequently think they’ve lost it, as usual.
Also, the first time that I saw Richard Pryor & George Carlin (and oh so many other Greats) was on Merv Griffin’s late afternoon show in the late ’60s. Talent was real back then, spectacularly so, sometimes. Lately I see auto-tuned music or vulgarity=hilarity humor, sad substitutes IMO.
I don’t know WTH a whoopie pie is so I will have to Google it. Reading your replacements nearly made me spray water onto my iPad. BIG LOLZ
I plan on being your new “Thing That Wouldn’t Leave” so maybe you should stock up on snacks, hmm? *grin*
And you have forever ruined “whoopie pie” for me, Gigi.
Also? Whoopie pies will NEVER become a better treat than a cupcake. Impossible!
Natalie@MommyofaMonster´s last [type] ..The Business
I LIKE Naughty Napoleon…
I remember watching this show and Match Game too. And I am sure Whoopie Pie will beat out the macaroon because they made TONS of them on Top Chef Just Desserts and now on Top Chef All Stars.
That is hilarious! I do remember that show…or at least the re-runs. That clip was hysterical. She never did get it, did she? Just the thought of the two of them going at it totally ruins my appetite for anything edible. I like your list of alternates! So creative! I’m going to vote for…..hmmmmm….Tube Snake Boogie Tart. Okay, I now need to go vomit!
Kelley´s last [type] ..The Blue Jeans Pain Scale
That was hilarious!!!!! I remember watching re-runs of that show and every time I hear the word “whoopie” I think of the show too!
But speaking of the “new cupcake” I was reading in a recent Food Network magazine that cake balls are now the new cupcake. And I sat to myself thinking, hmmm what new cake trend can I make? And then I heard a light bulb go off…cake MUFFINS! Because ya know cupcakes are nothing like muffins. LOL
Alexandria´s last [type] ..A hat
Never heard of Whoopie Pies (and am now so grateful) but I did watch Newlywed Game, Match Game and also Love, American Style (another completely inappropriate show for a kid in the 70′s). My favorite line in this completely hilarious blog, was this:
” For those of you who can’t shelter your children in your deepening facial lines yet” -
LOVE. Total love.
I’m 42 and the kids are pretty well hidden…
Oh, my friend, I needed that laugh. Those names….LMAO!!!!
Bwahahaha! Love your alternate names. Thanks for the laugh.
P.S. – My mom watched her stories, too. To this day, my brother says the Guiding Light song makes him feel like taking a nap.
Missy @ Wonder, Friend´s last [type] ..Miss Manners- Part I
Hahahahahahaha. Oh my goodness, I love this.
i will confess, I was not around for the first round. However, I grew up with lots and lots of game show network. Quite frankly? I love them. I love them all. Match Game was a particular favorite..
On another note- the creativity to come up with those names? Priceless. Or is it??
Ashley @ Just Another Mom Of 2´s last [type] ..When You Least Expect It
I think you should create and market each and every one of those. I made Pumpkin Whoopie Pies over Thanksgiving and was embarrassed to tell people the name! And believe me, I was given a *hard* time just for daring to call them whoopie pies!
Oh and thanks for NOT posting the recipe! Those look delicious! Will there be a post with the recipe? A link perhaps via twitter?
Wow, I thought I was the only one who had issues with the name whoopie pie. BUt ummm Clam Dip Cookie???? No thank you!!!
Let’s re-calibrate with the original, and much much better, version, “Whoopee” as in the song Makin’ Whoopee by Ella and Armstrong!
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