I decided today, I’d take on a truly weighty issue.
The issue of manpris.
I’ve become a huge proponent.
Because when you are 5’9, and your husband is 6’5, you have a 99.72634% statistical probability that your child will grow up to be Lurch.
For those of you not alive in the 1960s or 70s, let me share with you a picture of Lurch. He’s the, you know, tall one.
And when your kid is destined to be as tall as Lurch, he grows fast. Boy Wonder is growing so tall so quickly, that any long pants I purchase for him seem to mysteriously transform into floods overnight.
They’re not the “oh, look, those pants are getting a little short on him” floods.
They’re not the “oh, look, his pants aren’t touching the tops of shoes” floods.
They’re the “SHIT, I’ve just sent my kid to school looking like an absolute doorknob” floods.
But it’s March, and to hell if I’m going to buy him new long pants when it’s about to be summer here in southern California. And the problem is, there are no pants to buy him even if I wanted to. He’s such a lanky kid that lengthwise, he needs a 10 or a 12. But his waist is barely a slim 8. My choices would be:
a) Buy him more 8s and ensure him looking like a doorknob Monday through Friday. No good.
b) Buy him size 10s and still risk him looking like a doorknob because he’ll roll the waistband of his pants over until they are thick enough to fit around his waist…..thereby rendering the longer size 10s – you guessed it – floods.
c) Buy him size 12s and have him look like a doorknob because I’d have to also buy him Mork and Mindy rainbow suspenders to keep his pants up.
(No, he will not wear a belt and yes, I have heard of adjustable waist pants. And no, they don’t adjust enough in the bigger size to fit properly).
So I have no alternative. I must become a proponent of manpris. If I can change the world’s attitude about manpris, my life gets a WHOLE lot easier.
I posted about my dilemma with my kid’s short pants on Facebook. One girlfriend told me they’re very trendy in Europe. And another girlfriend told me they’re all the rage in the Santa Monica elementary schools.
So, there’s that.
Let’s review some high profile celebs who are comfortable enough with their own manhood to wear manpris.
Lebron James does. Try telling Lebron he looks like a wussy in his manpris. Why should Boy Wonder be any different? Note: I may need to get Boy Wonder’s arms tatted up a bit. Just for the badass effect.
Nick Jonas does. I’m pretty certain he gets the babes, so this bodes very well indeed for Boy Wonder. Note to self: apparently buttoning button up shirts all the way to the neck is no longer nerdish. It’s stylish.
And then there’s Rafael Nadal. Look how cute and sporty he looks in his at the French Open. Slap a matchy-matchy headband on boy Wonder and he’d be Rafi’s doppelganger. Except for the flowing hair. And tennis skills. Okay, but they do have the same skin tone.
So this is my new crusade: to stop the rampant hatred of the manpri in this fine country of ours. Join me.
Because I really don’t want my kid on a future episode of Intervention, talking about how I ruined his childhood with too-short pants.