How To Have A Happy Marriage with Your Blog

by Gigi Ross on April 10, 2012

If you’re anything like me, how you feel about your blog on any given day can change as much as the weather. The whole reason that blogging tips, blogging conferences and blogging books exist is to help us figure out that dynamic. We want to always love it, be working to improve it, and have it be the best it can possibly be.

It’s really kind of like a marriage – a difficult relationship to manage and navigate over time, but one that can be so rewarding.

So why not apply the same basic principles of a successful marriage to blogging?

blog tips

Expect peaks and valleys.

Every marriage has its ups and downs. Even the strongest of unions will experience trying struggles. Your blog is no different. Expect to have months of literary greatness, awesome traffic and brands giving you amazing pitches. Also expect to have times where you just don’t feel that great about your content, you lose motivation or you feel like no one is reading your stuff. It’s a natural part of blogging, and if you can ride out those peaks and valleys, you’ll have a lot less bloggy angst.

Take time apart.

Partners in a strong marriage tend to encourage one another to pursue individual hobbies, interests and passions. You need that same level of healthy distance from your blog. Take time apart from it, and social media. I find that I struggle the most with writing when I don’t unplug enough. As soon as I turn it all off for a bit and re-engage with the other parts of my life (family!), I am able to return to writing refreshed and full of ideas.

Always have respect.

You (hopefully) have respect for your significant other and hold him/her in high regard. But so many of us are quick to discount and disrespect our blogs: “My blog totally sucks right now.” “I had no idea what to write about so I just put up a crappy post.” If you keep saying that, chances are that your readers will start believing you…and they’ll go away. Respect your work product. It is a reflection of you. Even if it’s not perfect, you are still putting in an effort. The more you respect your own work, the better your work will become.

Blogging is not a 50/50 partnership.

My dad’s best marital advice was that marriage is never 50/50. It’s always 80/10, or 10/90, or 40/60. At one time, your husband might be pulling 90% because you’re just not able. A year later, maybe you’re doing most of the marital heavy lifting. Blogging is the same way. Sometimes you have to put in 90% and your blog? Well, it might not give you much back right away (whether in readers, or community, or whatever your goals are). At other times, your blog will just start giving you wonderful things back when it seems like you’re barely trying.

Admire, don’t compare.

Do you ever watch another committed couple and start to compare your own relationship to it? We usually do this comparing in a negative way: “they’re so much happier than we are” or “Look at how well THEY get along.” We do this without really having the whole story, and it’s dangerous to a marriage. Same with your blog. Don’t get caught in the trap of comparing yourself to another blogger. You don’t know how hard she worked, what lucky opportunity came her way, or if she’s even happy with her own blog. Admire a blogger who inspires you to be better, but don’t compare.

We evolve, and that is good.

Marriages evolve over time. Partners learn each other’s hot buttons, they acquire new and different interests, kids or other major life changes come into play. It’s a completely dynamic state of being. And so is your blog! Chances are that no matter what niche you write in, the last 30 days of blog posts is a really good snapshot or reflection of what your life’s all about right now. Is it the same as it was 9 months ago? Probably not, and that’s okay. As long as you continue to write with a fairly consistent voice, feel free to let your blog be that reflection of who you are right now. Change is good.

It takes care and feeding.

Successful marriages typically don’t just happen, with little effort from either partner. Bloggers that are consistently successful over time work hard at what they do, too. So if you really do think your blog sucks right now, examine how much nurturing you’re really giving it. It might just need a bit of extra attention, if you can spare it.

Any other principles of successful relationships that you think apply to blogging?


Cynthia M April 10, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Excellent post, and excellent timing. I’m in a valley with my blog right now, but hopefully there’s a peak just around the corner. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Thanks, Cynthia! I’m in a valley right now, too, which is what prompted me to write the post. Maybe between us all, we can look ahead to that next peak :)

Missy @ Wonder, Friend April 10, 2012 at 7:42 pm

You know I relate! In fact, I have a very similar post on my blog ( I’ve been through the relationship ups and downs. A few times. And I almost walked away for good last year.

I’ve found my happy place and my relationship is solid; I couldn’t agree more, though, that there is work involved in finding – and keeping – that happy place!

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 8:37 pm

It is an ongoing struggle. I’m glad you’re feeling like you’re in a good place!

Jamie April 10, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Perfectly said!

Brenna @ Almost All The Truth April 10, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Excellent post as always! I am going through some growing pains with my blog – working on a redesign has opened up a lot of questions I have about my blog’s purpose and what I want. All good questions, but sometimes overwhelming and sigh-worthy.

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Sometimes making one small change is like opening up Pandora’s blog. Being somebody that reads your blog every day, I think your purpose is crystal clear. Whether that’s what you want the purpose to be, I don’t know, but I love the niche you have carved out for yourself! :)

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Oops, that was meant to say Pandora’s BOX, not blog!!!

Brenna @ Almost All The Truth April 10, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Gigi, you just made my day. :)

Christina April 10, 2012 at 8:03 pm

My only advice is know when to walk away. Ugh, did I just write that? Yes, yes I did. That is where I am right now.

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Let’s chat. :)

Leigh Ann April 10, 2012 at 8:03 pm

My mom gave me the same relationship advice. The only sound advice she ever gave me.

Elaine A. April 10, 2012 at 8:09 pm

What a perfect comparison. And my actual husband might agree with you, that I am “married” to my blog… 😉

Brittany Stewart April 10, 2012 at 8:17 pm

LOVE this post! I never thought of it in those terms, but it makes so much sense.
Thanks for this.

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Glad you liked it :) It was one of those driving-in-the-car inspiration moments!

angela April 10, 2012 at 8:33 pm

It makes me happy when you blog about blogging. I always leave feeling a little boost of inspiration.

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Thanks, Angela. Oddly enough, blogging about blogging is one of the things I am struggling with – in terms of defining the next phase of my blog and what I want it to be. I appreciate your kind words…it might be the lens I needed to look through tonight :)

All Fooked up April 10, 2012 at 8:45 pm

This was a great post girl except!!!!!!

I now realize that my worst nightmare has come true.

I’m married to myself and both of us are All Fooked UP!

Oh shit!

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Oh my God, Lynn. You are priceless!!! :)

notjustAnotherJennifer April 10, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Perfect! Exactly what I needed to hear right now. You are awesome!

Tonya April 10, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Thank you for writing this. Your timing is perfect, Gigi. I am so in a valley right now with my blog. The only thing that excites me about it these days is my weekly series. I just don’t have the time to devout to it like I used to. I have a ton of things I’d like to write about but they are just ideas at this point. SO, I’ve been sharing a lot of photos and trivial crap when what I really need to do it WRITE. Sigh….

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I sense that a lot of people are going through this right now (including me)… Which is why I was motivated to write about it. I have another similar topic coming soon. It almost feels like a sickness has infected a bunch of bloggers at the same time. It’s a very strange sensation…but I feel it out there.

I hope you can get to a good place…and that I can, too! :) xo

Sherri April 10, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Bingo, Gigi…

Holly Lefevre April 10, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I saw the first comments- there is o valley here…I am in a gorge right now with blogging. I love my blog…and I hate my blog. It has made my butt bigger (imagine my body if I worked out instead of typed) and my kids think my computer is my favorite things…Things are changing around soon! (I hope)

kludgymom April 10, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I have been in the gorge.

I am sorry you are there, holly!

What are you doing to crawl out?

It sucks that blogging can be such a blessing as well as a curse sometimes!

Goa trip April 10, 2012 at 11:22 pm

This is the perfect relation with blog and i am totally agreed with you on your this point which you mentioned like that in your blog post “”There are many ups and down in marriage life”” so we shouldn’t run from these kind of condition and we should stand in front of the problems for solve them then you can see how you will do this easily.

tracy@sellabitmum April 11, 2012 at 4:59 am

I think there is an overwhelming valley in much of the blogosphere right now. It’s weird. Also – ME TOO! HOLY crap I need like a blog counselor or something. LOVE this and it’s a much needed read for me right now.

erin margolin April 11, 2012 at 5:09 am

I really need to work on the admiring not comparing thing. And the respect thing. But otherwise, I think you did a wonderful job of summing it all up and I really liked this post idea! Just tweeted it.


Galit Breen April 11, 2012 at 5:14 am

Oh this is such good advice, and I adore the analogy – it really is perfect!

Alison@Mama Wants This April 11, 2012 at 5:21 am

It does feel like there is something going on in the blogosphere, where everyone seems to be going through some kind of strange down wave. Like, where are the readers? Where are the comments? Why is Twitter so quiet? What’s going on with Facebook people? What’s happening??

I love your analogy – it is so true. It takes commitment, work, a healthy dose of distance at the right times, and at times, you just need to roll with the punches, take it in stride.

I wish I could talk to my blog, like I can talk to my husband. Any ideas? :)

Heidi April 11, 2012 at 5:31 am

I think there could be good money in becoming a blog marriage therapist.

Alexandra April 11, 2012 at 6:27 am


I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about this others, too.

Evolving seems to be the biggest one. Sometimes our style changes, our interests change, we become better at something, we grow in a way we didn’t see for ourselves, and sometimes that means meaning in different circles from our original one.

That can be hard, for everyone.

Lots of guilt, but yet…we move toward our goals.

It’s a hard one.

It’s hard to sustain the relationships we began with.

Sometimes, everyone understands and grows together, and sometimes feelings are hurt: on both ends.

I’m not talking to anyone specific here, just about life in real life and virtual life: we grow, we change, we move in and out of people we know.

That can be sad sometimes.

Susan in the Boonies April 11, 2012 at 6:31 am

I wish my blog would bring me flowers more often.
And candy.
And take me out on date nights.

Ryan (The Woven Moments) April 11, 2012 at 6:53 am

This is so freaking fabulous I can’t even stand it.

I, too, sense the blogging gorge in the webosphere. And I’m in the valley with y’all as well.

I’m just enjoying the upside of a blogging downtime – it’s a relief to not care about my numbers for a few weeks. And giving myself time off from writing has done WONDERS for me as a person.

When something burns, I write it down. When nothing’s burning, the computer stays clam-shelled. That’s my new normal. :)

kludgymom April 11, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Thanks for stopping by. I love what people are sharing here today. I think it’s great that you have defined a new normal for yourself. I have done that recently too and it feels amazing.

Lisa April 11, 2012 at 7:05 am

I love this post! There is something going on in the atmosphere I just did a post last week about not giving up.

People really need to know that they can’t give up. Love on your blog and it will eventually pay you back.

Your blog is like a newborn, you birth it, nurture it and suffer through sleepless nights – for the payoff in a few months. Eventually, you see the growth and development of your hard work!

Thanks for the inspiring post.

Mrs. Jen B April 11, 2012 at 8:45 am

Yeeeeah I’m there right now. Isn’t it funny how much of a rollercoaster ride it can be? There are times when I just.don’t.wanna. When I’d rather play hours of games on my phone and watch a movie after work than open the laptop once again. That’s pretty much been my life for the past couple of weeks. I’m slowly crawling out…but slowly.

Excellent post and tips, as always! Definitely needed to readjust my point of view.

Carolyn West April 11, 2012 at 8:50 am

Favorite post of the week. Perfect way of explaining the blogger/blog relationship – it really is like a marriage.

Martine | Work at Home Mom Writer April 11, 2012 at 9:06 am

Thanks for this, Gigi.

I think my blog (fondly known as “Bloggie”) is jealous of me spending so much time writing for others, not for “us.” Like, lately, there have been a lot of sponsored posts for me lately, and I feel like Bloggie is resenting a lot of it.

I’m reminded to spend time really writing again, about motivation and what inspires me…. Then probably Bloggie will like me again. She’s given so much to me, so it’s the least I can do for her.

natalie April 11, 2012 at 9:53 am

I needed to read this – and you said it so eloquently – thank you :)

MommaKiss April 11, 2012 at 9:56 am

I feel too that your relationship with your blog can be cyclical. Like in marriage. Cycles. Ups and downs.

I think that when some start out, that ‘sense of belonging’ and writing and meeting so many other super bloggers – creates that GINORMOUS community that you love to be a part of, but then don’t have as much time to keep it up. Like in marriage. I mean – is everyone having still living their honeymoon, or do those feelings come and go (like mine anyway).

Love this, gigi. As always.

Suzanne @ The Wine{a}be April 11, 2012 at 10:29 am

Awesome post Gigi…you hit the nail on the head! Glad to hear that other {more successful} bloggers have ups and downs too!

Trish April 11, 2012 at 10:44 am

Great post and so, so true. I find that I start to question my writing abilities and if I’m really a writer or just a writer. Do you ever do that?

kludgymom April 11, 2012 at 11:20 am

you mean a writer v. “just a blogger?”

I have. I personally don’t consider myself a “writer” like I think of a writer. I’m okay with being “just” a blogger. I guess some might say I’m not respecting my own work, but I think there are levels of talent and I’m not somebody that is an amazing wordsmith or who can put words together in the way some of my favorite bloggers do. I do what I do and I’m in an okay place with that. There are plenty of people who I don’t consider true “writers” that are really successful bloggers…so the upside is that there is opportunity for everyone. My point is that being a blogger is okay too…:) and how we define our individual success shouldn’t depend on how we’re classified :)

Trish April 11, 2012 at 12:13 pm

No, not “just” a blogger, as if that is somehow diminishing what we bloggers do. But that blogging isn’t writing and I can’t call myself a writer. I think this is a personal issue. Ha! But, sometimes I get insecure about that and wonder if it’s ok to say I’m a writer or if I should clarify that I write a blog.

kludgymom April 11, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I think you should just call yourself whatever you are comfortable with. Say it with confidence and nobody will question you. :).

I think a lot of bloggers hesitate to call themselves writers (myself included). But I think blogging has its own skill set, some of which overlaps with pure writing, and some which does not. So that’s why for me, I’m okay calling myself “a blogger” as opposed to a writer.

Clear as mud, right?

Amiyrah April 11, 2012 at 2:16 pm

This post reached me just in the right time. Just yesterday I was feeling that there was no reason to keep blogging. I don’t have the same readership I had, I don’t feel supported like those who fit perfectly in their niche, and I was on the brink of “breaking up” with my blog. You post today has put me back into the right mindset. Thank you for sharing this with us.

kludgymom April 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm

You’re welcome Amiyrah. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve had a lot of those days lately. I think it comes with the territory. Let me know if you need anything. xo

Lady Jennie April 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

What struck me most was the not 50-50 comment. I hadn’t thought about that and it’s good to keep in mind so as not to get discouraged!

kludgymom April 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm

it’s so true…for marriage and for blogging :)

Cluttered Brain April 14, 2012 at 9:12 am

Excellent points!
Even though right now I don’t post as often (busy ness) I will not leave blogging.) I love it too much.
At least there is FB and twitter when I don’t have that much time….

Carol Ramsey April 15, 2012 at 5:36 am

Thanks for this! It is practical and sensible, but it is also kind. I can be hard on myself when it comes my blog (ok, maybe other things too), but it is better to be kind. Maybe it means about the same activities anyway, still working hard and learning more, but in a spirit of kindness to myself. Thanks for the reminder.

Sue Kittler April 16, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I’d like to stress out the point that you should not compare your blog to other ones. You’ll end up feeling insecure because you’ll think that you are lacking some talent or skill when you read something better. Be an inspiration to your readers.

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