In today’s Around the Bonfire post, Natalie from My Crazy Busy Life talks about what we do when our families don’t live up to our expectations.
I love this theme Gigi has created of girlfriends sharing stories and seeking advice around a campfire. I was honored when she asked if I could write something.
And the topic that kept coming to mind was “family” and how as much as you want them to fulfill a Norman Rockwell Hallmark idea we have, it isn’t always the reality.
Blood is thicker than water. It’s a phrase I’ve heard countless times.
And I agree with it. I do. Really.
I want to believe that family comes first. That these people who I open Christmas gifts with and whose faces fill picture albums on my bookshelf would be there for me no matter what.
But what if your family doesn’t agree? What if they don’t agree that family comes first? If they don’t see the importance of coming home for holidays, weddings or birthdays?
Or worse? What if YOU don’t agree with their choices? How many chances do we give people simply because we share DNA?
What then?
How high should the pedestal be that we place our relatives on?
Maybe the answer is simple. We should love them as they are and accept whatever they’re willing to give.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Gigi- I completely agree. And it really is that simple…”we should love them as they are and accept whatever it is they’re willing to give.”
And for the times one might struggle to remember this addage ask this question… ” if my life were to end tomorrow- did I say the right things?”
And if the answer is no- than go fix it.
Oh man. Half my family moved away and it seems go hard to get them to visit. My grandma is too old for the trip yet still makes it at Thanksgiving so she can see 2 of her sons. Then I get frustrated because they don’t have ‘room’ for me if I want to come.
Megan´s last [type] ..Scary Knotts and Camp Spooky
This is it.. exactly. I have cousins who have moved away and can’t “afford” to come home for Christmas, but yet are taking trips to Hawaii and Mardi Gras. Some couldn’t make it for our grandmother’s 75th birthday party or even funerals. I don’t understand people’s priorities sometimes.
I will never understand some people’s priorities. I have cousins who have moved across the country and can’t afford to come home for the holidays, but are taking trips to Hawaii and Mardi Gras. They couldn’t be here for our grandmother’s 75th birthday party.
I can’t wrap my head
Natalie´s last [type] ..Tasty Treat
I don’t think the perfect family exists. You nailed it for some relatives: you must accept what they’re willing to give. It gets even trickier when they want to “give” too much. Balancing everyone’s needs is often an impossible task. Do what you can. Love.
Kerry Ann @Vinobaby’s Voice´s last [type] ..My Berlin Kitchen: Review and Recipe
It is such a fine line, isn’t it?
Natalie´s last [type] ..Tasty Treat
That’s a good question, how many chances do we give? I think it depends on the person. Meaning, I’m going to give more chances to my son than to a cousin or maybe even a sibling. In the end, I believe God gave us the family we have for a purpose, and it’s our job to love them, even when we don’t necessarily like them.
Christina Berry´s last [type] ..Choosing Joy Tuesday: Dream Big
Right? I have to keep reminding myself just b/c some people can’t love us how we expect, doesn’t mean they don’t love us with all they have.
Natalie´s last [type] ..Tasty Treat
I think sometimes DNA has very little to do with this. You are close to those whom you love and cherish. If they happen to be related to you, that’s wonderful! But sometimes they aren’t.
What I think is crucially important, is to have feelings of love and devotion towards people, to be truly close with someone or with a group. But whether they happen to be related to you depends on so many variables that it can’t possibly be a given.
Olga´s last [type] ..Break Out of the Pizza Box
I’ve found that I can often count on my friends and the family I’ve created with them much more than the ones I share DNA with. What hurts is that it isn’t my first choice. I would much prefer to be close with my family, but they’ve either made their friends their priority or made bad choices.
Natalie´s last [type] ..Tasty Treat
Natalie, I often ask myself those same questions and I guess in a way I agree with your answer because in the end I take however much they are willing to give.
Susi´s last [type] ..Cupcake Bosses {Wordless Wednesday}
I often get chastised for segregating myself from certain members of my family, but my response is always, “Why should I tolerate their behavior when I wouldn’t if it were a total stranger?” Yes, I love them but that shouldn’t mean I want to have my kids around poor choices
Natalie´s last [type] ..Tasty Treat
Unfortunately, speaking from experience, your last statement is easier said than done. When a family member engages in vile, beyond hurtful, destructive (to him or herself and others) behavior, exposes their children to that behavior, and refuses to seek help for their obvious emotional issues out of sheer cowardice, it’s not quite as easy as simply loving them for who they are and accepting what they’re willing to give.
Kristin @ What She Said´s last [type] ..Teachable Moments for Brands and Bloggers
Well said. I think we have no choice but to accept them for what they are able to give if we want to keep from being bitter. Which would completely defeat the purpose.
Lady Jennie´s last [type] ..Heritage
This article is saying lots of things in short and if you will understand these words then you can live your life with more enjoyfull because i am also agreed with you family is much important thing than others.
Sam@India carnival´s last [type] ..Goa Holiday Packages
I think about this a lot with my family. I call myself the “white sheep” of the family, the one who’s relatively normal. My in laws are the family the we love to be with, but they live halfway across the country.
Leigh Ann´s last [type] ..My cat is a bully and kind of a jerk