Buckle up for this one, bloggers.
How are you balancing your writing with your social-media-ing and promoting of your writing?
Does it ever feel hopelessly out of whack?
For me, the answer is yes. So when my friend Leslie from The Bearded Iris sent me this post and asked whether she’d get kicked off Blogger Island for it, I heartily answered NO WAY.
Blogging can be a major pain in the ass some days. At least for me, and for Leslie, too. Do you face these same challenges?
I can see a stack of 8 colorful books out of the corner of my eye as I write this.
They’re all new releases sent to me by bloggers I’ve come to know and love. Some of them came from publishing houses with formal press releases and clear expectations on how I should promote the author’s book. Others came directly from the writers themselves with signed bookplates and handwritten thank you notes.
It’s a good problem to have.
I love to read, I’m proud of my friends, and every time someone crosses over from “blogger” to “published author” it’s good for all of us.
But if I’m being completely honest, I can’t help but also feel pangs of overwhelming pressure and jealousy.
And then the doubt comes creeping in…
Will I ever write a book?
Do I even want to write a book?
What could I possibly say that hasn’t already been said a million times before?
OMG, what’s that smell? And how long has that load been in the washing machine?
I guess I ultimately did start blogging because I believed I had stories to tell and wanted to connect with the world in a way that didn’t involve my nipples.
That was the summer of 2008, way back when I naïvely thought blogging was just about writing.
But five years later, it feels like blogging is much more about quid pro quo than it is about telling my stories.
The art of writing quality blog posts seems to have taken a back seat to connecting via social media. And as if Facebook and Twitter weren’t enough, we must also now harness Google+, Pinterest, Instagram, LinkedIn, Atomic Reach, Reddit, and more. Every time I log on, I feel compelled to learn and master yet another social medium, lest my blog perish.
Because what difference does it make how great your writing is if nobody sees it?
Maybe it’s always been like this and I’m just slower than most to wake up and smell the Facebook feed, but more and more, “successful” blogging feels like it’s not really about what you know, but who you know.
My newest seemingly mandatory networking time-suck is hanging out in several private Facebook groups with blogging peers.
Are you doing this?
Oy. It’s such a mixed blessing.
On the one hand, private Facebook groups are a great place to build friendships, share best practices, commiserate, and get support.
But on the other hand, the cavalcade of information and constant buzz about blogging memes, tools, and events can be absolutely paralyzing.
And make no mistake, if you don’t form these relationships and support your peers, you WILL be ostracized faster than Tierra and her bitchy eyebrow on that cot in St. Croix.
So you comment, share, link up, vote, review other people’s books, and spend so much time being social, that there is very little time left to do the writing you set out to do.
I don’t know about you, but the more time I spend doing all this social networking and hearing about everyone else’s success, the greater my fear of missing out becomes. Oh yes, that’s a real thing, aka FOMO, not to be confused with MOFO. Although for me, the two kind of go hand in hand because the more anxious I feel about missing out, the more the expletives seem to fly.
Last week I wrote a snarky rant for my weekly column at In The Powder Room called “Xanax makes me a better blogger,” all about the current state of blogging and why I feel so anxious lately.
I was so nervous about publishing it that I tried to mask my true feelings with humor to soften the blow. But once I published it and the comments started to pour in, I knew I had struck a chord.
I just don’t write like I used to. And I can no longer seem to strike a good balance between being social and being creative or productive.
I fear I’ll never get ahead if I’m not social enough, but I devote so much time to social networking that I’m not creating anything worth asking my network to help me promote.
What an anxiety-producing Catch 22!
How did something that began as a fun and nipple-free hobby turn into such a giant pain in the ass? I guess even blogging is not immune to the effects of gravity.
Screw the Xanax. Make it a double dose of Valium with a side of Preparation H.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have eight books to read.
How do you manage your FOMO and strike a balance between being social and prioritizing the rest of your professional and personal goals?
Leslie Marinelli is a writer, wife, mother of three, toilet humor aficionada, and transplanted Pittsburgher trapped in the suburbs of Atlanta. She’s a weekly columnist and the Editor-in-Chief of In The Powder Room, as well as the creative force behind the no-holds-barred blog, The Bearded Iris: A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All. Leslie enjoys writing in the third person as much as she likes finding hair in her food and getting episiotomies. You can connect with her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter as @TheBeardedIris.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 101 comments… read them below or add one }
I thought it was just me!
I’ve been working so hard for other’s success that I seem to have put mine on the back burner too….
Perfect timing post Leslie.
Kelly´s last [type] ..Crockpot Boeuf Bourgignon by A Lady in France
Thanks Kelly! Oh, it’s so comforting to hear that it’s not just me too! My husband keeps telling me that I need to block off a set time each day to write for me. I know he’s right (he always is, dammit!) I just need to make it a habit. (Along with exercise, and vacuuming, and remembering to take vitamins, and….oh screw it…I’ll just pop onto FB for a second and see what my friends are doing…)
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Hi Leslie!
Here’s the thing: I’m kind of backwards to this whole thing. I’m a writer who now blogs. I set up my blog in 2010 – originally – because I thought I’d have a book finished in a year. It seemed like a great way to get people to know me (and my writing) and a great vehicle to possibly help me sell books (one day).
Then my computer crashed, and I lost my entire completed draft.
And no, I didn’t have a backup.
I was stupid.
And despondent.
(Talk about needing Xanax.)
So I have plodded along with the blogging, but I have felt a piece of my heart missing. Recently, I started writing something new on the side. But that has meant cutting down the blogging to once a week. I know for some people, that means money. Maybe a lot of money. But for me, it didn’t amount to that much.
I enjoy social media, but I’m not addicted the way some people seem to be. I’ve started to feel less awful about hitting “delete” when I can’t read someone’s post. And I’ve become VERY selective about the projects I am now taking on. I don’t want to get locked into reviewing everyone’s books. This is the time for me to finish mine. Then I can get back to the business of OTHER STUFF. But yes. I think about this stuff. And I have made my decisions. And once I did, I decompessed a lot.
I’m going to BlissDom tomorrow, and part of me is all: What are you doing? You aren’t interested in plugging products. You don’t have a cause. You just want to write a book. Why didn’t you go to a writing convention, dummy! But the other part of me looks at it like this: I can walk out of a session and sit somewhere and work on my book. Or just enjoy the company of other women. Listen to their stories. Watch strangers. Figure out how the curve of one woman’s elbow might apply to my life. I need to recharge, and I can’t wait to do it. Nice to meet you.
You are not alone.
Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson´s last [type] ..Anxious About #BlissDom? You’re Not Alone!
Nice to meet you too Renee! Totally agree with you about having to be very selective about the projects you take on. I definitely have learned that one the hard way! Have fun at Blissdom!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I am the same as you Renee. I started with a few things published and then went to blogging to help promote them.
Sorry about your computer crash (with no back up). That is like the end of the world for any writer.
And this blogging thing. Some days…
I just have to keep telling myself that I love to write, that I have things to say to the world, and that it is a process and I don’t have to do and say and connect with everyone in one single 24 hour period.
I used to teach fitness. That was my job. I find sitting at a computer for long periods of time simply hurts my head and my ass. I have to remind myself to get out and do and move sometimes. Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest and all those are brain-sucking machines.
Anyway, I didn’t expect blogging to be quite what it is. Leslie you have hit the nail on the head for sure.
Cheers to you all. I haven’t even had my breakfast yet and I’m typing this damn response. I gotta go eat something. My stomach is eating itself.
Amanda Fox´s last [type] ..Dr. Know-It-All’s Differential Diagnosis: How NOT To Get A Date
You’re so awesome Leslie! And so darn wise. Taking notes, as usual!
Anna´s last [type] ..Five Signs of Pregnancy
Thank you, Anna love. Notes? Like “How to use the word ‘nipples’ multiple times in any situation” or “Use Preparation H for social media related rectal pains”? Because if so, yeah, I’m your girl. Totally.
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I hear you Leslie! I can relate. Balance is the key and the way I manage it all: full time job, family, writing, blogging, attending events, and social media without missing a beat is by setting goals for my blog and my writing at the beginning of each year. When I feel overwhelmed or I don’t know what to write about, which is often, I review my goals and my vision that I created when I started. It centers me, reminds me why I am doing all of this, and motivates me to jeep doing it. I do feel like I am missing out at times because fun stuff keeps coming up that I want to do and if I don’t do it I worry that I missed out in an opportunity and if I do it I feel like I will never reach my goals. I ask myself what is the payoff? What will I get out of this personally and what can my blog gain from it? The main thing for me is to enjoy what I am doing at the moment. Life is to short to be worrying all the time. My family comes first and if it’s not for the family and I’m not enjoying what I am doing, then I move on to something else. Enjoyment comes in different packages. It’s not always fireworks or sunsets or rainbows. Sometimes it is self-satisfaction. Keep writing for you and keep doing what you love. If that includes helping others, great! Set limits and set goals but don’t let them set you.
I love your post! It made me think and recall why I love blogging. I love to write and I love meeting people. I never imagined how the two would come together and be such a big part of my life!
Yay! I love that this reminded you of what you love about blogging. The connecting and writing hand in hand really are awesome…if only I could balance it better. Nice to meet you!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Nice to meet you too!!
Melissa Reyes (Miz Meliz)´s last [type] ..Welcome Spring’s First Day
All I want to do is write. I know that’s like a societal sacrilege because MUST PROMOTE POSTS but you know what? I wish I felt like I were a good enough writer (dammit, I KNOW I am! It’s just deep, deep…deeeeeeeeep deep down inside of me, that belief) to keep people returning to my blog just to READ, without my telling them to. And truth be further told, I want to write for more than my blog. That’s my main goal: mainstream writing and perhaps write 276 novels before I die. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, DAMN? And then I say screw it, hit a dramatic wall slide and ask everyone to just let me lay here while I read Twitter and get angry at how “everyone else” seems to be “making it.”
This? This is so spot on and true and COME ON NOW I JUST WANT CHOCOLATE: “I fear I’ll never get ahead if I’m not social enough, but I devote so much time to social networking that I’m not creating anything worth asking my network to help me promote.” EXACTLY.
I haven’t been able to write anything worth promoting in months. My well is dry. It’s all been said, all been done, and short of something with shock value like showing you my mastery of successful child-to-chair-duct taping skills or baring my butt or uploading a video of me having sex with my female neighbor (and her cat), I’m out of ideas.
Arnebya´s last [type] ..What Do You Remember From Kindergarten?
Sorry, hit reply before I was done. I have no balance. I sit at the computer, then decide I’d rather have tequila and that’s that. Like your husband, mine is irritating with his always rightness. He too has suggested I block out time. I have the time at work (where, again, your blog is blocked due to “reputation”) but the self doubt is such a menacing twat that I just surf the web instead. And then I get mad that I’ve wasted a whole day reading about sinkholes. I think I need discipline (you think?) and a room to myself.
Arnebya´s last [type] ..What Do You Remember From Kindergarten?
Oh, to have a room of one’s own! And chocolate! And the understanding of why sinkholes happen and how to avoid them. I get the dry-well thing too. You are delightful, Arnebya. When are you going to write for In The Powder Room again?!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
It’s so impossibly hard not to be sucked into the social aspect of social media, and suddenly all different voices are clamoring in my head for attention. And I have spent hours promoting and cajoling and supporting, and my own (little, but still MINE) languish in the background. Maybe I just need better time management. Or more nipples. Whichever.
angela´s last [type] ..Meet the Kindergartners!
Three cheers for more nipples! And I really need to use the word “languish” more often. Damn, that is a great word! And cajole. And clamoring. Holy crap, girl. You are a WRITER. I like you.
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
This is so true! I am new to this and already can emphasize with your FOMO
Thanks for sharing!!
Sing it sister. I hear ya. Feel the same damn way. All the time. Perhaps the key is patience. I’m trying to remind myself: you can’t do everything in one day. And I know I need a schedule (your husband is smart although he doesn’t know how hard it is to be us). I’m most productive & peaceful when I shut all the noise off so I have to make time for that.
One Funny Motha´s last [type] ..Word to Your Motha: Febriferous
It really IS so hard to be us, isn’t it? Why don’t the husbands get that? Thank God we have each other. And there I go, connecting instead of writing. See? This is my problem. I should be writing right now. (But this is way more fun and not as intimidating as starting that novel…) XO
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I am just starting to drown in the social media waters and as I am flailing and splashing, I can hardly get any breath to write or find my creativity. I love love love this post. I have been discovering that being a blogger is 80% connecting and 20% writing. Perhaps make that 90/10. So relieved that I am not alone in this conundrum!
Chris Carter´s last [type] ..Positive Thinking…
Oh I LOVE your waters/flailing/splashing/drowning analogy, Chris! That is PERFECT! No, you are not alone. Thank you for that!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I’ve given up. Honestly – that’s my answer. I’ve just plain given up. Not on writing – I will never stop writing, not even when plagued with a bout of writer’s block like I have been this week.
But on the social aspect of it all, I’ve more or less given up. I read the blogs I WANT to read when I have the chance to read them. I share the posts I WANT to share, not because someone asks me to share them. I like FB pages and follow people on Twitter I truly find interesting, and I participate in social media platforms that I truly enjoy. And I participate in memes that appeal to me when I feel I have something worthy to contribute.
And truthfully, I expect nothing more in return. If you WANT to read my blog, fantastic! But if not, that’s cool. If you want to follow me on Twitter or like my FB page, great! If not, I understand completely. If you WANT to share my posts, it would truly thrill me to no end to know that something I wrote resonated with you. Seriously – that’s the greatest compliment I can receive as a writer. But if it doesn’t speak to you, don’t share it.
Basically, it comes down to this: I’d much rather have people reading and engaging in my writing because they truly enjoy it – not because they’re hoping for reciprocity.
Then again, I’ve always been a bit of a nonconformist.
Kristin @ What She Said´s last [type] ..Friday Tapas: The One With Rumplestiltskin Lust
You are a badass mofo and that is what drew me to you in the first place when you swooped into my life last January to rescue me from those hideous trolls who were assaulting my grocery store parenting. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Also, I like your boobs.
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I just want to write and Pin stuff. Really, that’s all I want to do.
This is so spot on, Leslie. The whole social media scene, the let’s promote each other thing – I get it, it needs to be done if you want to stay in the game (like it or not), and I make it my business (hello social media consultant). But truth be told, some days, I just wish someone would stand up and declare a Facebook-free day on Monday, a Twitter-free day on Tuesday, and so on. And let’s just write and braid each other’s hair.
Alison´s last [type] ..Crisis in Confidence
Dude, I would TOTALLY be all in for a Twitter-Free Tuesday or a FB-Free Friday Google+ Free Everyday. Get on that, would ya?! Oh wait, not another f*cking meme! Noooooooooooooooo!
Never mind.
Hair braiding! Hahahaha! I’m pretty sure you do the online equivalent of that with all the lovely comments you leave everywhere you go! XO
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Great post, and I totally relate.
It IS about who you know, and I’ve had real life friends (I thought they were, anyway) run off and leave me as they chase knowing someone “bigger” in the blogging world.
Left me questioning why they were ever my friends in the first place: like I was one of the steps on their ladder to find the TRULY important people.
Painful.
Susan in the Boonies´s last [type] ..The Blind Spot
Oh, that is painful, Susan. I’ve been at conferences where people have moved from my table to a “bigger blogger’s” table and it always shocks me that someone would be *that* calculating and ladder-climbing. Then again, sometimes I forget to put on deodorant. So it could have been that too. I also think online friendships are like IRL friendships in that there are seasons and if someone fades away, it is probably a good thing for both of you in the end. But it never feels good while it is happening. Hugs to you, Susan!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Great post. I say let’s all dial back the social media a bit. I had to make the decision to do this blogging thing in a way that I felt was honest. And to me, it’s all about the writing. After all, it’s why I started in the first place. Would I love it if more people read my blog? Of course. But not at the expense of the writing. So I comment on posts that I like, and share posts that I like. Not for reciprocity, because to me that would be dishonest.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Maybe He Was Waiting for the Throw Up Fairies
Thank you Lisa. Yeah, I won’t share something I don’t genuinely like either, out of respect for my own audience and fear that if I “like” crap, they will lose respect for my taste. So yes, honesty is very important. Sometimes it’s hard to be honest with your friends though. Could I leave a negative Amazon review on a friend’s book? No. I could not. Could I give it 5 stars if I didn’t genuinely love it? Nope…I can’t do that either because again, I don’t want my reputation to be damaged. So it’s tricky. Be honest and lonely, or be supportive and mediocre? Where does one draw the line on that? I don’t know…
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
This strikes a chord with me as well. When I started blogging, I worked a few hours a week, had one child, and no clue but a lot of time.
Then I discovered the Bloggy World and while I love and adore these bloggers I’ve come to know, my life has changed. I’m now working full time, a single mom of two, and trying to finish my first novel – a book that will languish on my hard drive if I don’t have the social media connections to build my platform. (Pass the xanax.)
On top of that, while I love the quid pro quo thing, my time is seriously finite. And the few gigs I get for paid writing opps have to come first because only by doing that will I one day be able to reduce my IRL work hours. But if I don’t promote and join groups and practice the quid pro quo, I won’t get more paid writing opps. Because again…it’s who you know and yep. Pass a couple shots of vodka while you’re at it.
Word. The paid gigs come first, for sure. And love what you said about your time being “seriously finite.” Yes! My IRL job IS Internet based (Editor in Chief at ITPR), so it’s all very complicated, but yeah, I’m pretty sure prescription drugs and booze would only help. Cheers!
leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I had to laugh at the part about the private FB groups, because I’m on a couple, and I can hardly keep up! I spend more time there than on my actual feed, and I spend more time in both places than on my actual blog! Why is there this fear of shutting down FB to do what I want to do — write?
You totally struck a chord. I get than anxious feeling every time someone I know gets published in an anthology, has a piece featured somewhere fabulous, or gets a damn blog redesign. If I didn’t spend so much time “promoting” (or jacking around), I’d probably have more quality work.
Leigh Ann´s last [type] ..I [do NOT] love the nightlife
Amen to the “jacking around”!! OMG, the amount of time I spend “engaging” on social media….it is no wonder I have no time for writing, or switching the laundry, or shaving my toes.
But dammit, there are going to be a LOT of people who owe me favors when I do write a book…someday…maybe…after I just check in on FB…oh look, SQUIRREL!
leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Had to Google FOMO. Didn’t know it was a thing. But I’ve had the fear of missing out my whole life I think, not just related to blogging. Actually, I feel differently when it comes to blogging. I’m very Zen about it. I figure there are a zillion blogs, a zillion Twitter users and so forth. There is NO WAY I can possibly connect with ALL of them. So I’ve decided that I will connect with those I’m MEANT to for some reason. Like the 6 degrees of separation theory, or something.
just JENNIFER´s last [type] ..The Robot Mommy is Calling
Thanks Jennifer. Ooooh, Zen….that’s a great approach. I’m not very Zen about anything but watching The Bachelor and eating my weight in Cheez-Its.
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I swear you’ve just written something that I’ve been thinking about for some time now. All this talk about branding and tools to give your blog more traffic. It can be overwhelming. Thanks for making me feel as if I’m not losing it completely!
Thanks Annie! It’s so comforting to know that other people are struggling with the same issues!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I think I get social media envy. I think, “man, I sure would like to have as many comments as her” or “man, I sure would like to have as many subscribers as her” or “man, I sure would like to have as many Facebook likes… Twitter follower… repins…” whatever the “thing” of the day is. I’m happy that other people get all the great and wonderful things. Truly. I just wish that the great and wonderful could be spread around a little more, or that I could figure out the magic formula to make it work for me. You know?
Jennifer´s last [type] ..What do you hate about flying?
YES – I DO know what you mean, because I don’t know that magic formula either and I have banged my head against the keyboard for a long time trying to figure out that secret sauce. I think it’s all relative, and frankly addictive. I so clearly remember feeling like such a success when I got to 300 Twitter followers, and now (a few years later), I look at my numbers and think “Why can’t I get more than 3000 followers?!” It’s crazy. If I look at it in context, I should be very happy with my 3000 porn bots…but I just want more, more, more! If I figure out the secret formula, I promise I’ll share!
XO
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Could not agree more!! I sometimes hate the whole social media side of it and am envious of those who blog just for themselves and don’t seem to care about how many comments they get.
I try not to care– and go back and forth about how good of a job I am doing, but then something happens and I find myself wanting to tweet more, facebook more, etc just to make sure my work is out there— but then I look at my kids and my life and remember what really matters and feel like I am wasting so much time and losing sight of the joy of writing for writing. It really is a catch 22
Emmy´s last [type] ..A Life Lesson Learned from Lego
TOTALLY! OMG, I couldn’t even fully get into the multiple pulls from home, competing with the desire to Tweet more, FB more, Pin more…. But yes! I have that exact same feeling when I look at my kids and think, will it even matter in 20 years that I wrote something that got 100 “likes” on FB? No, of course not. Will it matter that my husband seems to think I love my iPhone more than my children? Oh crap…something has to change. Thanks for the comment Emmy!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I felt like you were writing this just for me! Oh man, you hit the heart of this issue in so many ways…the books I will never write, and don’t even know if I want to, the pressure to keep up with social media to the point where I feel like I can’t even breathe. I love, love this post. Thanks for getting it and for writing this.
Meredith´s last [type] ..Moms of the Year: In It Together
Oh Meredith! What a wonderful compliment! I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before: “I felt like you were writing this just for me!” That? That right there? That’s why we do it. Because the hope of connecting with someone on that level makes all the blood sweat and tears worth it. Thank you so much! XO
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I suspect that one of those eight books might be one that I have an essay in….and since that essay has been published in that book I’ve had overwhelming anxiety and panic about all the very things you so eloquently wrote about. As a newbie to the blogging world (as in pink, wrinkled and slimy in relation to almost all of the others I read), the past four months or so have completely made me crazy (a relative term for me, but whatever). I’ve had countless nights where I’ve laid in bed until 2 or 3 a.m. with my brain just RACING with all my inadequate feelings. I have days where I just don’t think I can keep up with the pros (as in “more experienced bloggers”). And you nailed it. These feelings are not AT ALL associated with my WRITING – but instead are related to “keeping up”. Did I tweet enough? (never.) Did enough of my meager 400 Facebook followers see my post? (nope.) Why don’t I have more Facebook followers? What the hell is Google+? Am I supposed to have it? (apparently.) How is everyone making those ironic and clever memes? Did I share at least one person’s blog today? Did I want to? Crap – I forgot to Pin my latest post! I’m not LinkedIn! I’m not In The Powder Room! Aaarrrggghhh!!!
So thank you. 
(and now I can check “comment on blog post” off my list. hahaha)
I know I’m preaching to the choir, but I just wanted you to know that because of this post, today I actually feel like part of it.
Aaaand I couldn’t even enter my website in correctly. *sigh*
Michelle – You’re my favorite today.´s last [type] ..Dear me…again.
Thank you Michelle! Yes, one of my hopes in writing this was to lift the veil and show newer bloggers that even more seasoned bloggers feel all these same feelings of inadequacy and pressure. The difference is, most of them are much better than I am with PR. I can’t figure out Google+ either! And when I see that a blogger I’ve never even heard of has 600,000 FB likes when I’ve had to trickle my way for 5 years to all of 4,000, I swear to God I feel like my head is going to cave in like the moldy 4 month old jack-o-lantern on my back porch. (Which is all relative, because I remember getting to 400 likes and feeling SO proud and successful.) And yes, your book is on my stack, and I’m truly enjoying it! Congrats on being included in it and I hope it opens lots of doors for you, but that you also find the peace and perspective to enjoy the ride and not be too stressed out. Also, I happen to know someone at In The Powder Room, so if you ever want to write a guest post over there, hit me up. XO
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Leslie, I’ve touched on this so much lately with my husband and my family. Writing is what I love. Writing is what brings me peace, joy and comfort. It is my go-to “drug” of choice, but, so much of blogging is not writing. It requires savvy and technical knowledge and, it is a business. A business stemmed from creativity, but, in order to be truly successful you must make an investment deeper than your love of creating stories and bringing people into your world of words. This is something, one year in and very much still a “newbie”, I struggle with. Desperately struggle with. I want nothing more than to sit in an office somewhere, with a bubble pipe and beret, and write. BUT, I know that in order to be a successful writer, I need to build relationships, connections and a “platform” (can one jump off of social media platforms? I’m close). There is not a month that I don’t think about quitting, but, I can not and will not stop writing. In the interest of full disclosure, I find that my Facebook page, although great for gabbing and laughs, does not translate into readership. And readership is my primary goal. I want to write, read and be read. If that were possible outside of tap dancing for quarters on FB, I’d be all over it. Until then, I’ll be busking for quarters and comments on social media. Thank you for writing this. And, thank you for accepting this comment that is not unlike brain-vomit.
Bethany´s last [type] ..My Mother’s Helper – A story of maternal redemption.
I will forevermore be envisioning you with a bubble pipe and beret in a room of your own, being SO productive and creative that you no longer need to dance for quarters on FB! And wow, you’ve only been doing this for ONE YEAR?!
Just shoot me.
I mean, WOW! I’m SO HAPPY FOR ALL YOUR SUCCESS.
(Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!)
Totally kidding. I like you. A lot. Call me.
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Yes, yes, and yes. I have actually left some FB groups for this reason- because I simply could not keep up. I think that social media is the elephant in the blogging room- not just for all the small groups that we have assembled in, but because it is constantly changing- and staying connected in our groups helps us navigate the ever changing landscape..like golden handcuffs I suppose.
Elena´s last [type] ..Why Travel Trumps the Classroom
“…golden handcuffs”!!! OMG, I am totally starting a band with that name. You in?
And yes, it most certainly is the elephant in the blogging room. I left a group once because it was just too much EVERYTHING for my little brain, but then I begged to be let back in a few months later due to my rabid FOMO. And I do enjoy my time there, as long as I don’t waste all my writing time goofing around or getting bogged down by all the venting which has a tendency to suck me dry.
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Love this, Leslie. LOVE how you take this ridonkulously real dilemma, depict it so accurately, and manage to find the freaking funny side of it. And, by the by, I don’t manage it well. At all. I just drink too much wine.
Sue – The Spin Cycle´s last [type] ..Six Things They Didn’t Teach Me in School
Wow – thanks Sue! Frankly, I don’t know anyone who DOES manage all of it well. My friend DG sent me an e-card the other day that said something like “Don’t celebrate your success too much because we all know you’re failing miserably in another area of your life.” I may have spit my beverage all over my phone when I saw that. Because damn, so. freaking. true. Mmmmm, wine. What? Did you say something?
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I have a wicked awful case of Blogger Envy. What do you take for that anyway? Do I just chase a Kolonipin with vodka?
I actually left all the private fb groups even though I KNEW they would talk about me (at least some of them) and that I might be committing blogging suicide. I work full time, have two kids, and am going back for my second Masters degree in the fall. I started blogging in 2007 and that is still my jam. I will blog, damnit. I WILL blog.
Maybe people will read? Or they will call me names in facebook groups.
I’m not scared.
yes I am.
Pass the vodka.
Katie´s last [type] ..Don’t You…Forget About Me.
Oh Katie! Let’s start our own “Blogicide Survivor” FB group and promise to never call each other names.
Your “I WILL blog” gave me chills. Because HELL YES, isn’t that why we do this? Because we write in our heads and if we don’t get it out we will explode? I am a writer, not a PR professional or a marketing genius or even remotely “likeable” as a human being. I should just stick with what I know and not be so damned consumed with the social part.
Cheers!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
Ugh . . . YES. Elena said it well above–Golden Handcuffs. Feels like we’re trapped in this cycle. I don’t really know the way out. But like Renee said, too, I am very careful about what I will say yes to. I am asked to review books often. It’s becoming a problem.
I actually do not think I will be writing a book so there’s something liberating about that. I don’t have this fear of needing people to review mine. I know that’s harsh . . . but, well, we all have limits to our time. Your post here was PERFECTION. You said what all of us are thinking, and that’s hard!
Rather than feel envy when I hear about all the books coming out, I sometimes cringe inside when it seems like every other person I know is about to self-publish. I worry that the requests for reviews are coming next (they often do.) And then the onslaught of self-promotion on twitter streams, giveaways, etc. I just don’t want to feel obligated to read every book, Retweet all the time, etc. I can’t. It may not be fair to say, but I prefer to stick to the books vetted by agents and the main publishers. Maybe that makes me small-minded. But a vetting system is helpful. I suppose if anyone reads this comment I’ll get less requests for reviews for better or worse.
Anyway, this was my very long way of saying EXCELLENT POST!
Nina´s last [type] ..A Truth, a Tip, and a Find
Thank you so much Nina – especially for your honesty! Yes, the whole self-publishing thing is very interesting. On the one hand, it is exciting that so many people have access to mass produce their words, but on the other hand, it definitely lowers the bar, plain and simple. Thanks for the great comment!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I’m still a blogging newbie. I LOVE writing but I feel like I need a mentor to get me through everything else. Blogging big sis? Does that exist? Anyway, I shouldn’t care, but I do. Writing presumes someone to read, and I’m so jealous of those who have that following, but it’s finding the balance that’s tough.
Meredith @From Meredith to Mommy´s last [type] ..Another Reason to Hate Teeth
Hi Meredith! Yes, blogging big sisters really do exist! You just need to find a more seasoned blogger who really speaks to you and ask her if she would mentor you a bit. Some of them will, some won’t. Some have the time, some don’t. I’ve tried to help some newer bloggers in a variety of ways over the years by linking to them or posting guest posts or answering questions, but after a while it was really cutting into my paid writing time, so I had to cut back and/or charge for blog consultation services (which I don’t do anymore due to time constraints). But I bet you would rock a blogger’s world if you asked her to give you some big-sisterly advice. Good luck!
Leslie´s last [type] ..I’m using art to cope with my husband’s Man-Flu
I love blogging because even though I’ve only been doing it for a little over a year, I have new bloggers asking me for advice. My opening line? “It’s easy to write a blog, the problem is getting people to read your word gems.”
We were so foolish to think we would just throw our words out there and people would flock to read them.
There are definitely days that go by and I’m stressed that I didn’t find the time to actually write. And there are definitely days that I wonder why I spent so much time in the world of my laptop.
But I like to create my word babies and nothing saddens me more than to release them into the world to the sound of crickets. So I socialize, I comment on posts (ahem), and I constantly wonder, “Should I be wanting a book??”
Would you like to join my group “MOFOs for FOMO”?
Ellen
Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms´s last [type] ..Toddlers and Teens: 7 Surprising Ways They Are The Same
“WORD BABIES!” Oh yes. Yes they are! I’ve never heard that before, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see my words any other way.
You’ve only been doing this a year? Damn. See? That’s the power of being so good with the social side of it! But no thank you on the MOFOs for FOMO group…I don’t think I can handle any more social outlets!
Leslie´s last [type] ..An open letter to the rude stage mother I encountered yesterday
I love reading your stuff – screw social networking – a good read is a good read! People will find you because you are great, not because you added a comment on facebook or twitter. It’s too bad you are feeling squeezed and feeling like you don’t have time to write because, what you do write is wonderful! I would like more of that please – let everything else go.
[submitted with the understanding that I do not blog... aint got time for that!]
Paulette, I am printing your comment out and making it my mantra. THANK YOU. [and I love your disclaimer at the end too]
Leslie´s last [type] ..I’m using art to cope with my husband’s Man-Flu
Mmmmkay.. I’ll start with I agree with everything you said. Now I’ll add my 2 cents worth
There was a time when it was a BIG DEAL to have a book. Now, I think anyone who breathes has a book.. so much in fact that I don’t even consider it newsworthy anymore. So if I ever had a desire to do that, it’s gone. I’ve had my blog since 2004 and started it because there was no facebook and we lived states away from family. It was easier for me to keep the grands up to date that way. Flash forward to 2009, I opened my social media agency and was busier with that than blogging. Then in 2011, I decided to get busy with blogging because instead of family updates, I had stories to tell about raising tweens in a crowd of baby-mommies. I have always been ahead of the curve which means I’m never at the right place at the right time. Some days I get frustrated that there are a LOT of really bad writers out there (not you, girl!) getting a lot of press and other days, I don’t care.. I just want to do what I want to do.
I’ve never been asked to be part of a private group except Triberr.. I only have so much time in the day and most of that is spent helping my clients achiever rockstar status in the social media world.. Until I start getting that kind of coin from blogging, that’s where my focus shall stay. But if I don’t focus on it, it will never happen. Sigh.
Blogging for business is definitely a catch-22 and the only way you can really make it is to MAKE it a (close to) fulltime job. So how do we do it? I’ll part with one of my favorite quotes..
“Once you define your WHY, the HOW becomes easy.”
We’ll see
Kristen Daukas´s last [type] ..Steubenville Rapists Found Guilty, But are They Sorry?
I know what you mean! I am relatively new to this and very overwhelmed! I feel like I’m shouting into the wind on Twitter and I live in Facebook land! There’s not much time for writing. I love writing and I’m pretty freakin funny too. It’s a hard balance. Well said.
Leslie, just this morning I was thinking about the demise of my first blog, which was because I began dating facebook. I tried to break up with facebook, but fb is wily and incites jealousy and FOMO and YOLO and FML and other such acronyms, but I can’t quit it.
So now I have this new blog from which facebook gives and takes away traffic. I’m at it’s mercy sometimes, and it feels like I’m at the mercy of other bloggers, because if they like me, they’ll promote me, right?
Not always.
I’ve decided to approach it like this: if I like you/your blog post, I share it. If it sucks, I don’t. No pretense, no bullshit. Because that’s me.
Tricia at Southern Spark´s last [type] ..Two bakers and a blogger walk into a green room.
You just explained – in one post – why I have only published something on my blog a few times in the past several months.
I can’t do fake. I won’t promote posts that are poorly written, unoriginal, dashed-off for the sake of keeping up a certain posting schedule.
I know there are a LOT of hard-working, talented, deserving bloggers out there. But I grew exhausted by the influx of material. MORE MORE MORE. (Not necessarily BETTER BETTER BETTER.)
I can honestly say I have never released a post (at my place or anywhere else) that I didn’t work REALLY hard on. And yet I see stuff being spread across social media simply because it has a cute “pinnable” graphic.
To be fair, I don’t do Pinterest. To me, it seemed to represent every stereotype I hate about women.
Recipes! Fashion! Shoes! Coffee! Cupcakes! Crafts!
(I don’t necessarily despise these things, just the fact that it’s presumed I love them because I have a vagina. And by the way, of the things listed above, I really only like coffee.)
Maybe I’ve got Pinterest all wrong. Perhaps I’m selling a lot of quality blogging short. Maybe I’m just too lazy to get or stay on the social media carousel.
Either way. I’ll never be a big blogger.
But I’m damn proud of everything I write.
And at the end of the day, that’s more important to me than being popular.
Whoa…Julie…THIS? This comment is awesome. And not just because you managed to work your vagina into it, although, bonus points for that. I LOVE your take on Pinterest, in particular. I am a very slow and methodical writer, so I cannot just toss shit out there with a Pinable graphic and hope I go viral. It never works for me. But I still love to write, so that’s what I will try to do, and it sounds like I’ll have some terrific company.
Great comment, girl (as always). You could just copy & paste it into your own blog post and get a phone call from GMA. Do it. I’ll tweet about it and help you go viral!
Leslie´s last [type] ..I’m using art to cope with my husband’s Man-Flu
I’m glad to hear that an experienced (and awesome) blogger struggles with these things. I started blogging less than a year ago because I needed to force myself to write regularly for an audience. The more I learned about blogging, the more I realized how much of it is PR, and how time consuming that is. Also, I keep flashing back to high school, because it feels like the “cool” kids have already gravitated towards one another, and I have no idea how to be anything other than a complete dork on the sidelines. Ultimately, I’d like to write a novel – actually, I AM writing a novel, albeit slowly. What with having an unrelated full time day job and being a single mom, my time and energy are limited, and I haven’t been able to find the right balance to foster my writing as much as I want. I do some socializing online, but I can’t do as much as might be needed to break through to a bigger audience. I’m willing to keep at it, though, because I need to write, and because it’s so gratifying when people do connect to something I wrote. All of this is a long way of thanking you for spelling all of this out and verifying what I’ve sensed is true.
Middletini (Kathleen)´s last [type] ..Mom Cold
Have you been delving into my mind honey because you’ve hit the nail on the head with everything I’ve been feeling lately about my blogging.
I decided to take a break to concentrate on my family, but then I started feeling all anxious that if I didn’t keep posting things on FB I would return to have it only show my posts to 1 person instead of the 10 it usually does. I’m more focussed on social media than the writing that I used to enjoy so much. I can write. I know I can, but lately it’s been pretty mediocre.
I started writing a novel last year with a hiss and a roar, but I’m struggling do that at the moment because I don’t want my current abilities to destroy the good work I’ve already done.
Perhaps once I’ve written the very personal blog post that’s been on the backburner for a while, I’ll get my mojo back.
Sue @ WubBooMummy´s last [type] ..Turn an entertainment unit into a doll house and superhero hideout
Honestly it feels like I just got air in my lungs again. I wrote the same concept weeks ago. And it’s bothered me since before I wrote it and after. And mostly because I feel that with all the Social media we have lost the community. And most of all I felt alone in my feelings. Felt like I had already missed out. I started blogging in 2008 as well. To write. To tell a story. And it became so much more. To read that a blogger I consider very respected and known feels the ame way makes me feel so much less alone.
Marta´s last [type] ..It’s Not Our Fault.
WOW – Thank you Marta! Let’s all take a deep breath, remember our writers’ roots, and just take a step back from the SM hassles. If more of us do that, maybe more will be inspired to follow suit and blogging can get back to how it used to be (before Pinterest)!
You know you struck a big cord when I couldn’t even find the comment section of your blog because of ALL the comments you received! Boy, oh, boy you certainly hit a nerve. I am so tired at the end of the day that my lovely hubby has been cooking and serving me dinner in bed for the last 2 days Yes, I do know how blessed I am. But my point is – how do I write more and do social media less? Where is the balance – how can I do that? I’ll have to read your other comments for idea. In the meantime, great post!
Cathy´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday: We Love Manhattan As Much As Woody Allen
Holy left-over Lucy here. There are private FB groups. Dammit. I love you. Whether you invite me to a group or not. xo
tracy@sellabitmum´s last [type] ..She’s Stronger Than Me
It’s not just the writers burning out on the social media aspect. From my perspective as a reader it burns us out too. I’ve given up following many of you because all I ever see are RTs etc. of posts actually not worthy of RT-ing.
I follow people who I know select good reads to share and aren’t caught up in the rest. I realize this doesn’t exactly further your cause as a blogger, but meh. Time is limited for all of us and we have to focus it where it counts.
In addition- I do not see enough support of the newer bloggers. They have voices too which are sadly not really taken seriously by too many of the groups. Two discoveries I made last week were the best I’ve read in ages. I’m thrilled to share them but too bad many of you are not.
Such a great point Farrah! That too is a double edged sword…selecting what to share and what not to share…not wanting to burn readers out with suggestions, but also wanting to support newer bloggers…wanting to support newer bloggers (at ITPR), but also knowing we have a min. number of page views we need to succeed, etc. Tough line to walk. Really appreciate your honesty. Thanks!
Leslie´s last [type] ..I’m using art to cope with my husband’s Man-Flu
My big challenge is the social media campaign work I do for clients. I feel it gets in the way of my own personal promotion because I only have so much time to balance my blog promotion and client work with kids and family life. It’s frustrating at times.
When I told people that I was going to start a blog they all asked me if I liked writing that much. Most of them couldn’t imagine having to write every day and begin happy about it. but what I’ve found is that the writing is the wonderful part. It’s the technology and the social media promotion that’s the time suck and not fun. I love the wonderful people I’ve met virtually- but I wish it was more about writing and less about the latest technology and promotion.
I am still newish to this world. I had NO IDEA that such a large part of the game wold be social media. While in my own head, I’m a good (attempting to put good vibes out there and to bolster my delicate self esteem) writer, I suck at social media. I find the whole thing confusing: I’m supposed to record everything I’m doing while I’m doing it and yet I’m supposed to be 100% present while recording it so I don’t miss anything. Huh?
I just got back from a walk where I almost lost my dog because I was obsessing over my blogging and not paying attention to him. I’ve been doing this for four years. I’m a good writer (at least I think I am — perhaps I have delusions of grandeur). But I have such a hard time with social media. I sit down at the computer, feel like I’m being pulled in 20 different directions, and get nothing done — most importantly the one thing I actually like, which is writing.
So I constantly feel like the girl who just keeps on keepin’ on. And maybe I’ll be “discovered” by the masses some day. But I’m not counting on it.
Anyway, you nailed it. Depressed me to the depths of my soul, but nailed it.;)
Tammy´s last [type] ..Fiction Friday Part 11: Camping
Oh Tammy – that last line made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that. I’m so sorry to be such a Debbie Downer here today with my “blogging is a pain in the ass” rant…I’m really just trying to put it out there so other bloggers struggling with the balance don’t look at others and think “How does she do it all?” Nobody does it all. Nobody. If someone is good at one part of blogging, they are probably sucking somewhere else. So the real point is, just keep doing it. Do the parts you love, and don’t try to be great at all of it. Pick one or two social mediums to ROCK AT, and forget the rest for now. But if you started blogging because you love to write? WRITE. The rest is just noise. Now go find your dog, and if he’s with mine, just go ahead and keep them both.
Leslie´s last [type] ..I’m using art to cope with my husband’s Man-Flu
“Because what difference does it make how great your writing is if nobody sees it?” I struggle with this every single day b/c I start to wonder…if nobody sees it then what’s the point? Then I open Pandora’s box of questions…who am I writing for, why am I doing this, is there an ulterior motive? And if blogging is more about who you know than what you know, well, that makes me really sad. B/c then it just turns the blogging world into high school again. blegh. If that’s what it really is then I don’t think I want to be a part of that. Mean Girls, no thanks.
Well, there definitely are “mean-girl” bloggers out there, but they are pretty easy to spot and avoid.
But just like high school, you just need to find your peeps. It doesn’t matter whose table you sit at…as long as you sit somewhere and have a friend or two who gets you. Blogging really is more fun with a network of friends…as long as you can find that balance between having fun and continuing to write your own stuff. (Which for me, is really hard!)
As for “who am I writing for?”…that is different for every blogger. If you are writing for yourself, or for a record for your kids, then who cares how popular your blog is? If you write because that is your passion and outlet, than maybe it doesn’t matter how many people see it.
But if your goal is to be the next Pioneer Woman, then yeah, you better start networking because unless you get your work in front of lots of eyeballs, odds are you aren’t going to be “discovered” by the right person. And if getting published is your goal, publishers want to see that you have a social network who will buy your books. (Or so I hear.) I wouldn’t actually know because…OH LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY!!!!
Leslie´s last [type] ..I’m using art to cope with my husband’s Man-Flu
Interesting perspective, but I think the title would better be ‘The catch-22 of [anything] and social media’, or ‘The catch-22 of [anything] and [personal marketing]‘. The internet has done an amazing thing–we can market ourselves and our ideas to anyone in the world! The internet has done a horrible thing–for many tasks (including writing) we have to compete against everyone in the whole world, necessitating constant personal marketing.
It might be similar in the business world where the temptation is to answer emails rather than do creative work, because answering emails is quicker and gives you a sense of getting things done. And creative work can be hard and frustrating. See this post for more on that: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/01/the-first-thing-you-do-when-you-sit-down-at-the-computer.html
I don’t think there are any easy answers, but the hard answer is to realize that it is a lot easier to ‘network’ than to actually do something, but the ‘actually doing something’ (in your case, writing) is far more valuable, so you need to protect it. Protect it be carving out time for it, or by limiting your social media interactions to a set period, or other means (once I finish three pages, then I can check FB).
Whoa…Have you hacked into my FB account Leslie? Because I’ve had a number of private message convos with bloggers on this. I want to support everyone, be positive, and empower bloggers to be successful and get more exposure, I do I do I do! But after BlissDom this weekend, I realize I’ve got a whole lotta work to do on MY blog that I’ve let slide to “Like!” “Follow!” “Comment!” on everyone else and apparently learn to write alogorhythms for Google too. Oh, and work full time out of the house and raise three kids! I’ll have what you’re having, Prep H is on me. (No. Really. It is.) It’s a relief to see this in print, thanks for writing Leslie, and for posting it up Gigi!
Julie the Wife´s last [type] ..Procrastination Station
Paralyzing. Absolutely paralyzing. I get so caught up in the social media and the face booking and the twitter and the omfg what have I written lately that sometimes I just need to walk away. And play with my children. Because I don’t want to miss out on THAT either.
Ashley @ It’s Fitting´s last [type] ..Want the Perfect Family? :: A Giveaway!
Overwhelmed is pretty much how I feel about it all. I’ve only been blogging for a little over a year and I love writing but like you said, I find that I don’t have enough time because I end up being sucked into the social media vortex. Seriously unproductive because I spend so much time just going through the updates on the private FB groups!
I get it and I get the need to promote but like others have said, it doesn’t feel real and authentic anymore. I barely look at my Twitter feed anymore (and I used to LOVE Twitter) because it’s filled with so much stuff that doesn’t interest me or people I followed that I really can’t remember why I followed them in the first place. My own fault yes and clearly I need to clean up my Twitter lists.
Really, I want to write and read the blogs that I care about and share the things that truly are worthy of sharing. I wish that quality and content would shine through and that it wouldn’t feel so much like a popularity contest.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf´s last [type] ..Friday Round-Up: Let’s be real
You have completely captured my feelings! And thank you for that.
I work full time, take care of the household for our little family of three, blog, and volunteer for my son’s preschool. The only time I really have to sit and think and write is from 10-midnight. And truthfully, I should be in bed way before midnight because I start work at 7:30.
I love my blogging groups and I’m so glad I have them. At the same time, I feel guilty because I can’t possibly keep up with all of it, and I miss stuff.
Thank you, as always, for your honesty – the Xanax piece was also spot on!
Kristin Shaw (Two Cannoli)´s last [type] ..Kindergartners unmasked
Catch-22.20: I think to myself “there are private Facebook groups? How come *I’m* not in a private facebook group? I’m not good enough? I don’t know the cool kids? what’s a private facebook group?” It’s like the high-school lunch room all over again and maybe my bra strap is showing. And then I say “HA who has time for such things, I *refuse* to be sucked into the vortex of more social media; I am stronger than that, I am churning out my hundreds of words a day, that’s what I’m doing…ooh look someone retweeted me…”
Yeah. Like that. You’re damn good, Iris of the Beard, what with all that hitting the nail on the head and whatnot. Well said.
deborah l quinn´s last [type] ..second banana
Yay, it isn’t just me! Now, next week I’ll be expecting your Just the Tip Tuesday to be all about how to fix this problem. Right? Hello? HELLO???
hollow tree ventures´s last [type] ..Easter hats with Peeps-onality
I can totally relate. I sometimes feel that I just want to get away from the social networks, but when I take off for even a couple hours I feel the anxiety because I am getting so far behind on my social aspect of commenting and sharing other bloggers work. I have a book that I want to finish… and will be finished this coming May, yet the stress of keeping up is just so overwhelming. Social Media really is a love/hate relationship!
Stacy Harris´s last [type] ..Music Monday: YOLO
Man, you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes I sit down to write and I feel completely empty. Like there’s no funny left in me. There’s nothing worth writing. Perhaps because I’m not really living. I’m so glued to my iPhone and iPad that there’s no room for an original thought. Thanks for helping the rest of us feel less alone in this. It is so overwhelming.
Kate Hall´s last [type] ..How Twitter Made Me Cry
Sometimes I think I’m just too tired for any of it. It’s emotionally exhausting.
I’m trying to start a business, run a house, be a wife and mother, have friends, etc. You can have it all, but you are going to suck at most of it.
Anne (@notasupermom)´s last [type] ..Walmart Commits to #EmpowerWomen
Yup… I think that you’ve hit on just the thing that so many of us are feeling.
I simply can’t keep up with it all. Especially not with 4 kids, a full time job, and a life of sorts. I just haven’t figured out how to balance it all.
Funny thing is that if I don’t do all that social stuff my blog suffers… it’s that catch 22 thing I suppose.
So I went away on vacation… my reader had over 1000+ posts in it, FB groups had 20+ messages in them, and of course there was everything else. My blog… complete some incredible guest posts was a ghost town because I wasn’t out there pimping myself.
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And yet I feel like you are the queen of interacting with other bloggers. You are so good about commenting on comments, and twittering and all of that time consuming jazz! There’s a reason why I refer people to your guide to Twitter! It is good to know that I am not alone in feeling like “HOLY COW how can I do all of this, sleep, and feed my family?????” (For some reason, they want to eat every single day, several times a day even!)
If I ever get cool enough to have a book I promise I won’t send it to you, k?
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Judging by the number of comments on this one, I think it’s probably an understatement to say that you’ve struck a chord!
I wholeheartedly agree with you. When I started blogging, I had a strange notion that I had to post every single day – however, I soon realised that this was just not physically possible with what else was going on in my life. I also quickly unfollowed a lot of blogs who seemed to manage to do so – simply because I personally found their prolific-ness exhausting to keep up with.
Plus, I’ve always been the kind of person who has to mull everything over for days before coming to any sort of conclusion. So I blog roughly once a week, and try and see social media for what it is – a chance to be social, and have a bit of fun.
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I have a love/hate relationship with the private blogger FB groups as well. I try to participate… but even in the ones where I am somewhat active, I find myself left out – whether on purpose or not – by the fact that my posts are either ignored, looked over… or they don’t think and unintentionally leave me out of a “meme” they are doing within the group by posting pictures of themselves on their wedding day or with newborn babies (whatever it may be.)
I too need to find the balance of the social aspect of FB/twitter and in keeping my own creativity.
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So loved the post, and then the comments … omgoodness the truth in there.
But now I need a nap.
It is so very hard to keep up.
I have no ‘balance’, except maybe my *ss, which seems to keep me steady.
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I don’t know what to do about it anymore. Do I just choose a set number of people to encourage and ignore everybody else? I want answers … aaaaaanssssswwers! (grin)
I don’t have time to read all the comments (go figure) but I can see that you definitely struck a cord here!
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Oh, I’m sooo with you on this one! I’m a fairly new blogger (since this past August) and I was a bit clueless about social media to begin with, so I’m completely overwhelmed by not only how much I need to learn about all these different platforms, but how much I need to DO! It is stifling and some days I question WHY am I doing this? Why am I torturing myself? My background is in marketing so I understand promotion and the need for it, but I chose to blog because I love to write, not promote. I’ve told myself I’m just going to plod along and not drive myself crazy (and yes, I’m in 3 facebook blogging groups) with gaining followers…anyway, so glad I found your blog.
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Yes, yes, yes – to every word! You captured all of it – the angst, excitement, joy and pressure of blogging for me. And apparently countless others. Thank you.
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That question you pose at the end is a really, really good one. And I can relate to this. Although I think some of my connections, etc. have helped my blogging/writing, you are right, there is definitely a Catch 22 thing going on!
Sometimes I really miss the “good old days” of blogging, before all this other stuff…
Great post! Yes social media can be overwhelming but I find narrowing down my social activities to just those networks where my audience most hangs out keeps me focused. I also carve up my day into “slots” to help me balance learning time with ongoing tasks like blogging. It’s not a perfect system but it works for me. Thanks
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