How much of what you’ve faced in life have you been COMPLETELY prepared for? Were you 100% ready for mothering? Marriage? Your first real job?
The lovely and smart Amber from Amber Page Writes is talking about this today – how there’s something to be learned from diving into life experiences without having a clue. I absolutely adore this post and I think you will, too.
Do you remember being 17? I do. It was a wonderful, overwhelming, beautiful year to be alive. I met my husband. Graduated from high school. Started college in a city three hours (and a world) away from my hometown.
All exciting things, to be sure.
But what I remember most about that year is thinking, “soon, I’ll be grown up. A Grown Up. And when I am? I’ll finally know what the heck I’m supposed to be doing with my life.”
The age I picked for grown-upedness was 21. By then, I was sure, everything would make sense. I’d pick a job, no, a career. Get an apartment. Maybe even get married. And everything would be smooth sailing from there on out.
When 21 arrived, I didn’t feel a whole lot more grown up than I did at 17. I mean, sure, I graduated from college and got a job. Even got my first car loan. But the magic cloak of Adulthood never found its way to my shoulders.
At 23, I got married. At 25, I bought a house. At 27? Well, let’s just forget 27 through 29. They were bad years.
Lots of things happened to me, but still, I never felt grown up.
Next up were two interstate moves. Another house. And unbelievably enough, a baby.
That should have been enough to force the needle over. To send me straight into the Adulthood camp. But I still wasn’t sure of myself.
I still needed the world to approve of the choices I was making.
Still wanted someone to pat me on the back and tell me what a good job I was doing.
Still felt like I was simply faking my way through life, and might be called out on the carpet for the poor job I was doing at any moment.
You guys know what I’m talking about.
But here’s the thing. Even though I never felt grown up, I played the part.
I made a career for myself. Kept my marriage going strong. Tried to be the best damn mom I could be to that baby of mine.
When in client presentations, I pretended to feel confident.
When embroiled in a tense argument at home, I pretended to feel calm.
When faced with projectile vomit, or non-stop screaming, or nonsensical biting, I pretended to have a clue.
And somewhere along the way, what I only pretended to feel became real.
Not that I suddenly have all the answers. Or even any of them. I don’t.
But I do feel confident (most of the time). And strong. And smart. Occasionally, I even feel a little bit wise.
I feel…grown up. I, Amber Page, am a grown up. And it only took me 37 years to get here.
So as you walk away from this campfire, remember to “fake it till you make it.”
You never know what you can do…until you pretend you already know how.
Amber Page spends her days writing, her nights blogging, and her life pretending she has a clue. You can find her blog at http://amberpagewrites.com, on twitter at @amberpagewrites, and, if you find her particularly likable, on Facebook at http://facebook.com/amberpagewrites.