Discovering What You Want To Be: Around the Bonfire

Around the Bonfire is a day late this week due to a commitment I had to write about bullying yesterday. I’m glad to welcome Jennifer from Momma Made It Look Easy to our little virtual bonfire today!

I met Jennifer at Bloggy Boot Camp Austin – sitting across from her at dinner – and I loved her no-nonsense personality. I always look forward to her comments here on KludgyMom, and am happy to host her today. Jennifer is writing about reclaiming lost parts of ourselves – the parts that get lost when we have to make choices in our lives. I think many of us can identify with her story today.

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were a child? I don’t. Probably a game show contestant. I totally rocked playing The Price is Right while sitting criss cross applesauce on in the floor in front of the television as a kid.

I have vague memories of feeding back answers of my aspirations based on things others mentioned I should be. For instance my mom always thought I would make a great attorney. My current boss would probably roll his eyes. I’m not awesome at negotiating.

Finally in high school I took an accounting class and realized what I wanted to do. I love the black and white of it. The laws and principles. I ended up in auditing, which is even more black and white. For the last fifteen years I’ve spent my days focused on processes and controls.

What I didn’t realize when I set my sights on that accounting degree was the part of myself I would be giving up. I’ve always been a pretty balanced right brained/left brained person. I love dealing with facts, but I also love to create.

That creative side of me was held in check. She only occasionally made appearances through a floral decorating class or when I learned how to sew or when I took my turn at scrapbooking. That was until I discovered blogging in 2008.

A part of me awakened. All of the sudden my thoughts, feelings, and ideas were pouring from my heart through my fingers and onto my keyboard. With that came the realization that I wanted to be more. With that realization came dreams. Dreams of what I could possibly do with my newly unleashed creative side.

Only recently have I given voice to those dreams, and it is still very hard for me to admit. I want to be a writer. An author to be more exact. I want to take the stories that have lived in my head for years and give them life through words that other people can read.

Stepping out and admitting this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. So hard in fact that at first I could only admit it in the privacy of my therapist’s office. Admitting it there gave me the strength to share it in the light of day, and I was amazed by the love and encouragement that was sent back to me from my friends and family.

I love that friends believe in us when we can’t seem to believe in ourselves. I love that we can share our dreams and aspirations with them, and instead of throwing it back at us they help us find a way to achieve those dreams. I love that there are women we meet only through our computer screens that know our hearts and support us when we cannot find the strength to support ourselves.

I may not have known what I wanted to be as a child, but I know now, and with the support of my friends I will be an author.

Jennifer blogs at Momma Made It Look Easy where she shares the stories about navigating the world of being a mom to two small children, surviving the ups and downs of being married to her high school sweetheart, balancing a full time job outside of the home, and managing life’s daily challenges.

Tagged as: around the bonfire