Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about what the first steps parents can take to prevent bullying. That post included the suggestion of having an action plan: the bullying equivalent of “stop drop and roll” for fire safety.
I think about my own son, and how we put him into martial arts three years ago because we felt like his personality was one that might lend itself to being the victim of bullying.
But we have a daughter, too.
A daughter with a different sort of personality: strong-willed. Opinionated {okay, bossy}. Likes to be in control. Gets a bit mean when she gets angry.
Do I think she will ever bully a child? Absolutely not.
But she might be capable of it. I hope and pray most fervently that it’s a skill she never acquires. But I’d be remiss as a parent to ignore that possibility.
The possibility might even exist in my son. Who knows? Even the most mild-mannered of children can grow and change and surprise us in both good ways and bad.
The “my child is the bully” moment is one a parent dreads as much as hearing “I’m being bullied, Mom.”
I want to believe that we’ve instilled compassion, a kind heart and tolerance as some of our children’s core values.
I want to believe that most parents don’t raise their children with bully as an endgame.
But bullies are here, despite the best intentions of parents. And I believe that those parents need as much support as the parents of the targets of bullying.
So I thought it would be helpful to list some resources for parents whose kids have bullied others.
Latest research shared by The Bully Project says that one in three children will be involved in a bullying scenario – as a target, the bully or both. So it’s important that we understand all of the dimensions of this challenge.
Because you never know. You never hope to know. But someday, you might.
The Bully Project Parent Toolkit {Click the 10 Tips for Parents link for tons of great information on bullying, including ten actions parents can take if their child is bullying another}
What If Your Child Is The Bully?
Not My Kid: What To Do If Your Child Is A Bully
Teaching Your Kids Not To Bully
My Child Is The Bully: Tips for Parents
Bullying: Is Your Kid Mean?
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls
Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps To Bully-Proof Girls In The Early Grades
This post is sponsored by Chase — a strong supporter of the Bully Project, a program committed to ending bullying and ultimately transforming society.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s so difficult being a parent with all the things that we worry about and are concerned over… there really is a lot and I think that it could be overwhelming for some.
Resources & programs like the one the Chase has is great! I hope that parents take advantage of them whether their kid is bullied, the bully, or neither and they simply want to be informed.
Totally overwhelming, I agree.
Thanks for including this side of things, Gigi. While no one wants their child to be bullied, I think at least the bullied child/parent can find sympathy and support from various sources. I imagine that a parent of a bully could feel ashamed and judged and not know where to turn for help.
angela´s last [type] ..My Hot Date
Yes – I think the shame component is probably big for parents of kids who bully. That’s what originally gave me the idea of writing my second post for this series from that aspect. We all focus so much on the target of the bully, but clearly, so many other people are casualties of the situation.
As a child who was significantly bigger than anyone else in his class, I remember being questioned by my parents, pretty often, whenever I mentioned any bit of conflict . . . they were quite eager to make sure that I wasn’t being the bully.
For the most part, I think I avoided it.
As a parent, now, I can honestly say that I’m not sure whether or not I’d rather deal with a kid who was a bully or a kid who was being bullied. Both have some very, very difficult things to deal with. As someone who could have been a monster, were he a bully, I think I actually try to gear my kids well in the “don’t be a bully” school . . . but, I’ll admit that I fear pushing them too far in the “turn the other cheek” thoughts.
John´s last [type] ..Where I get all mushy about being a father
I agree…both sides have such enormous challenges. It sounds like your parents were really on top of things. Kudos to them!
What a great and helpful post. And timely. My daughter and I were riding in the car just this week when she suddenly said, “I wonder if, since I’m going to be in fifth grade, the girls are going to start to get meaner.”
Alas, I had to tell her that they probably would.
TheKitchenWitch´s last [type] ..Vietnamese Beef, Noodle and Herb Salad
I’ve had Queen Bees and Wannabes in my drawer since my daughter was 2. Somebody highly recommended it at that time and I bought it right away. She’s going into 2nd this year and I’m thinking I’ll be proactive and read it now. I think girls do get meaner starting in 5th grade…a friend told me it can start as early as 4th now. Oy. So not ready for it all.
Thank you for this amazing post. This is one of the things I worry about the most with my kids. I, like you, feel I need to prepare my son to deal with bullying because he is very mild tempered. However, you have now giving me a new perspective and I kind of felt it was my daughter you were describing there and not yours. I’m so not ready for this.
I think the parents of bullys get blamed for making their child that way. As a former teacher I can say that is the exception not the rule. Most parents are shocked to find out their child is a bully. Hopefully these resource can help parents of all children
Lisa @ A Little Slice of Life´s last [type] ..Weigh in Wednesday- Let’s get started!
Love this post, thanks for putting the “other” side out there–not many do. My son was bullied in junior high to the point of counseling and I wish the “other” mom would have been intelligent enough, brave enough, to work together for the sake of BOTH boys. My son then grew in what seemed like overnight to 6’4 so no one bothered him during high school. Now, I fear the mean girl stuff in the coming years for my 4 year-old daughter. Ugh. Thanks again for sharing and providing your research links!
Kelli | Sweetness of Life & Motherhood´s last [type] ..Gray Hair, Sexy Specs and Shedding Baby Weight
What a great point to raise! Sometimes I neglect to feel compassion for the parents of the bully, instead thinking “How can you let your child behave this way?” I suppose there is a good chance the bully’s parents are oblivious to their child’s bad behavior. But sometimes parents tend to put their heads in the sand and think “Not my kid!” (I hope I don’t do this too much:) I just try to make a point of asking my kids what is happening on the playground; that is where you get the scoop:)
Connie´s last [type] ..Moby Baby Wrap: Wish I’d Know About this 12 Years Ago
I think that it was very brave of you to share the other side of bullying. It is something to be keenly aware of – you don’t want your child to be bullied nor be the bullier.
Debra´s last [type] ..The “Grill-More” Girls – Bone In Pork Chops