Today is a day of much rejoicing and celebration in our house.
Today is the day that my daughter announced, “I SO do not like Dora anymore.” You know the little annoying, giant-headed cartoon character of whom I speak.
It is the end of an era. Sippy cups, pull-ups and toddler beds have been gone from our house for a long while now. And yet, my daughter wanted to clutch at the last vestiges of preschooldom by keeping all of her Dora crap. Dora dolls, Dora Leapster games, Dora books. Until today!
Today, my daughter finally had enough of Dora’s belly shirt, football head, and barking voice. I think she’s now realized that in polite society, folks, or monkeys, don’t walk around in nothing but a pair of Wellies. Porn stars wear more than Boots does. He is really sick and wrong. She’s also figured out that Dora keeps relying on that damn map, which inevitably leads her to Swiper. Why not get a different map, Dora? The one you have sucks! She also probably thinks it’s incredibly lame for Dora to keep wearing the same ratty, smelly outfit every day. No wonder she has to talk to a monkey and her backpack. No human child wants to be friends with her because she stinks – except for Diego, who *has* to be nice to her because he’s her cousin.
Okay, so maybe I’m projecting my own feelings a little.
Anyway, my daughter took all of her Dora books off her shelf and said, “Sell these on EBay, Mom.” Sweet Jesus, this was the happiest day of recent sober memory! However, being the sappy sentimentalist I am, I couldn’t help but feeling a twinge of sadness knowing that I’ll never get to sit and watch Dora, Boots, Benny and the whole gang on their wacky madcap adventures again. And so, I have written this ode to Dora, sung to Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road by Elton John. I’ve got to go get a Kleenex now. I’m a little verklempt.
Goodbye, Dora and Boots: An Ode
When are you gonna shut up?
Why is a monkey your friend?
I should’ve avoided your show
Your yelling, it never ends
You know I won’t watch you forever
My kids are gonna get big
Isa and Benny just bug me
And Map makes me wanna wig
So goodbye Dora and Boots
My kids and I aren’t turning back
You can’t make me stop Swiper
I hate your purple backpack
On to Spongebob and more
Where humor’s all burps and toots
I’ve finally decided my future lies
Beyond Dora and Boots
What’ll you think you’ll do then?
Go home and use your damn map
Go complain to Abuela
I couldn’t give less of a crap
Find another zoned out preschooler
There’s plenty of them to be found
So glad my kids are over you
The most annoying show around.
So goodbye Dora and Boots
My kids and I aren’t turning back
You can’t make me stop Swiper
I hate your purple backpack
On to Spongebob and more
Where humor’s all burps and toots
I’ve finally decided my future lies
Beyond Dora and Boots
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{ 3 comments }
hahha love it. My girls are only 7months and my partner and I already zoned out by Dora on the weekends. I am afraid I have to bake their first birthday cake as Dora. Oh no lots more to go.
Lisad´s last [type] ..Lessons learnt on the Kokoda Track
I personally can’t wait for that day to come. Our daughter is in the Dora obsessed mode right now and by I’m sick of her and Boots if I can be honest. Not that Hanna Montana is any better I guess.
Dora Explorer Games´s last [type] ..Dora Jigsaw Puzzle
Yup, totally. Likely we aren’t at the Dora merchandise madness stage, but I did cave recently at Costco and bought a Dora’s Ten Best Adventures book.
Tightwad´s last [type] ..September is the best time to buy- plants
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