I totally GET that social media has changed the way we interact with the important, not-so-important, and incredibly annoying people in our lives. Hell, it even makes us interact with people we barely know, or want to know.
I totally GET that sometimes spouses will text or e-mail each other…while in different places of the house…because it’s faster.
I totally GET that.
Here’s what I don’t get.
People who feel that Facebook is the appropriate place to put the mundane, weighty or irritating marital conversations between husband and wife.
I don’t give a flying flip.
Here are the ones you should avoid.
#1. The Passive-Aggressive Marital Discourse. This is where one spouse chooses Facebook to make a point that he or she did not make in person.
Ahem.
#2: The Financial Discussion. This is where the spouses decide to allow all of their friends to see how they make major purchasing decisions.
I then run to urgent care because I’ve bitten my tongue so hard.
#3: The Hint-Dropping Conversation. This is where a spouse drops a hint about something they want from the other, forcing us to read about their personal likes and dislikes, as well as holiday shopping budgets.
I click on the link because I want to see how much guy thinks girl should spend on birthday present.
He wants a $475 jersey.
Wife doesn’t respond.
2 days later, Wife posts picture of husband wearing hockey jersey.
#4. Sickly Sweet Facebook Love Discussions. This is where spouses profess that they will luv each othR 4EVR and speak endless odes of tribute to one another.
God help you if you actually chimed in to wish Wife a happy birthday on this thread and you’re actually subjected to each and every notification thereafter.
#5: Innocuous Conversation That Turns Ugly. This is where a discussion between spouses starts out in jest but quickly turns ugly.
The following day, your feed reads:
Wife has changed her marital status to It’s Complicated.
If you avoid these Facebook conversations, you’ll make your marriage, and your friends, a whole lot happier.
About the Author Gigi Ross
I'm a blogger, social media geek, mom and wife, foodie, reality TV addict and Jason Mraz fangirl. Not in that order. I write here about parenting, blogging, technology, social media and pop culture.
{ 86 comments }
And THAT is preCISEly why my groom is not on Facebook. It’s simply not big enough for the both of us.
Sue the Desperate Housemommy´s last [type] ..Twin A Skates
omg. I loved this post, and it is sooooo true. Thanks for the laugh
Donna´s last [type] ..You Say Po-Ta-Toe – I Say Pa-Ta-Toe
My hubs feels no need for a FB account and I can’t say this disappoints me much. Especially when it makes all of the above much easier to avoid.
Becky´s last [type] ..Sometimes you just have to vent
This is absolutely hilarious. I have the girl who is airing all of her divorce facts on facebook
Lovely. “block”
I hope she realized that can be used against her in court LOL…rule 1, is never air out your dirty laundry in print.
MamaBennie´s last [type] ..The One Where I Rant About The Pediatricians Office
I love this post. My hubs does not have a FB account. Work and come home, honey, no time for you to screw around all day on the internet – that’s my job!
Oh, and here are actual comments posted after a picture of a couple I know.
Her: My joke is that I told him to pinch me…I must be dreaming!
Him: Can’t imagine a woman more beautiful! Stunning!!
I’ve emailed Zuckenberg and asked that they add a “Gasp” or “Puke” button.
My least favorite is the mushy ones. I have a friend who, God bless her, is married to a doctor who spoils her rotten. They have a giant house, they go on vacations all the time. It’s wonderful for her. I’m just tired of hearing about it. Maybe it’s more my issues of envy and competitiveness than it is her mushiness. But she’s REALLY mushy.
Rachel´s last [type] ..Ill Take Two- To Go
Thank you so much for the laughs. I will never again suggest to my husband that he should look at his Facebook account once in a while.
And yet another reason for my list of why I don’t do Facebook.
I just tweet.
Posts like these make me glad I don’t pay attention to my Facebook feed! Though I think I might find a few of those conversations hilarious, assuming I don’t love the people having them!
Megan (Best of Fates)´s last [type] ..I Love To Fly But Only Inside Planes
Man, I need YOUR facebook page. None of my married friends are that entertaining. The only one I ever had was the woman who constantly yammered on with her sickening sweetness about how much she looooved her husband.
He left her. With four kids. For someone younger and hotter. I really, really want her to post something like, “I hate that F**ker” but sadly, she seems to have taken the high road.
going over to Facebook right now to see if I can find some trouble. Sadly, my husband looks at his FB about once every six months, so he’s no fun at all.
joann mannix´s last [type] ..Dont Cry For Me- Mexico The Truth Is Ive Never Been A Very Good Dancer
Thanks for the giggle….I don’t understand Facebook conversations at all Or the obvious kissing up posts like “Missing (wife’s name) sweet smile and can’t wait to see her tonight.” Um, is someone trying to get a piece? My favorite was a woman I’m connected to announcing to the world, “I’m married to a stud muffin. (Husband’s name) is so hot!” I mean, I’m glad you’re attracted to your husband, but do I really want to picture what prompted that post?
omg i love this post.. lol
it’s sad that i know people who do this – who post their angry, bitter, passive-aggressive marital issues on display for the world to see – and I think that’s horrible. it’s so unfair and unloving to your mate.
If this were FB I’d totally like this right now. And honestly your friends are much more entertaining than mine. Maybe that’s a good thing though!
Jackie´s last [type] ..project 365 photo- 01242011
Sheesh … so glad I’ve not witnessed most of these or I think I’d have to unfriend — or at least ‘hide’ — these friends. I have witnessed the snooky-pookie-poo kinda crap … but it was one of my SISTERS and I can’t unfriend her … unfortunately.
Lisa @ Grandma’s Briefs´s last [type] ..Moving in the right direction
You know, it also annoys me when people post that shit on twitter. Either about the sex they just had with their spouse (ew) or how much they hate their spouse (ew) or whatever.
If everyone would just shut up and let me talk all the time the interwebz would be a much better place.
I have friends that repeatedly pronounce their undying love for one another. I get it! You love each other. I don’t really care. “I love my husband so much. He’s so hot.” Whatever. I love my husband too, but I don’t need to remind all my friends about it on a daily basis. Or him.
Phew, you just hit a facebook nerve
Omg- this is so right on! I have a married couple on FB that is so in love that it makes me want to vom. All day they write posts about how much they love each other. I should note that they have been married less than three years and do not have children, which explains everything. Although, I’m pretty sure I didn’t “love” my husband that much when we got married.
Nice post Gigi! I’ve really been enjoying all your work lately. You are on fire!
OMG, I love this post. I am sharing it on my Facebook in the hopes of all the annoying people read this!
This is such a hot topic for me, especially #4. I have 2 sets of friends who daily write on each others walls. I love you babe. I know you’re in the other room but I just love you soooooo much.
Or I miss my hubby sooooo much. Please get home from work babe. and then he comments. and then she comments. I have actually hidden them!
Please stop. Do these people not speak to each other in person/ Or just communicate through Facebook?
Melissa´s last [type] ..Im Going To Blissdom! Thank You Kleenex!
Love this post, Gigi!!! I watch the same couple have the passive aggressive fight on FB about once a month and think, “Wwwwhhhyyy?” At first, the exchanges were really awkward to read. Now they are just irritating.
Loved your other scenarios, too.
Laura´s last [type] ..Because it’s the small things
OMG ROFL! Can I share this post on my FB too, Gigi?
This one is brilliant and so spot on! Now lemme go stumble it
Tatter Scoops´s last [type] ..On Letting Go
I can so see this happening. Glad my guy doesn’t have a Facebook page.
JDaniel4′s Mom´s last [type] ..Skin MD Natural Review and Giveaway
LOL! You are SO right! I can’t stomach some of the mushy ‘you are the best’ comments. I swear most of those people would never say those things to each other in person but for some reason they want the world to think they are all mushy!
So funny…and so true. My husband’s family decides to make those vague comments that start fights all the time. On Facebook. So everyone can read it. ugh.
My husband avoids facebook like the plague, thankfully. He does read it (And my blog) but never a comment. Never.
The Domestic Goddess´s last [type] ..The Most Perfectest Weekend EVAH
Massive WIN on this post! Shared it with my network.
My husband isn’t on Facebook, too much effort. But my kids are….
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last [type] ..Google Secrets 5 – Taking Advantage of Google Knols
Hehehe…My Guy rarely checks his FB account so I know better than to leave love notes there for him. Twitter on the other hand…just kidding. These are great examples! I have barfed on occasion after reading some couples’ back and forth with each other, so yeah, I’m totally with you.
Justine´s last [type] ..The Dodo in my life
My husband just joined FB. Gah!
My brother and sister-in-law are that romantic couple. I want to puke whenever they post.
Cheryl´s last [type] ..Birds of Winter
I so need that PUKE button. My husband and I rarely interact on FB – if at all – it’s to grab each other’s pics of the kids. And one year I said “Hey, Facebook reminded me it’s your birthday, have a good one!”
yah.
That level of schmoopiness? Hawt, right?
Thank goodness the husband and I don’t interact via Facebook. One of my friends and his fiancee always post the super lovey-dovey make me want to poke my eyes out stuff. Really? It’s not necessary!
Evonne´s last [type] ..Please! I need help!
I will throw our goddamn computers out the window if my husband joins Facebook.
Best line: You only make $9 an hour.
Hilarious.
And I hate the sickly sweet couple. Hate.
And ditto on Twitter.
You have a house. Together. Use it.
I barely use Facebook anymore….shhhhh….
KLZ´s last [type] ..Hoping for a Repeat
No. 4 drives me over the top insane. I have some friends that are dating that do that and it makes me nuts. I don’t need to see it and I’m not sure why they feel like their partner needs the constant reassurance.
Jennifer´s last [type] ..The baby monitor
#3 is the BEST – so true!
#1 is by text for us
Natalie´s last [type] ..The Fab Five
So so true. and therefore so so funny (sad? both?)
Personally, I loved this detail:
“2 days later, Wife posts picture of husband wearing hockey jersey.”
And also the part about jumping in on a thread and then being subjected to follow-up comments. Shoot me.
Still. I think I have facebook friends guilty of all five of these crimes, so perhaps I’ve suffered enough already…..
julie´s last [type] ..Today call me arid
I’m so thankful my husband does not have a facebook!!!
This is so freakin’ funny and so absolutely true. Some conversations just HAVE to be in person instead of on “walls” for everyone to see.
My favorite line was: “Wife has changed her marital status to It’s Complicated.”
I Stumbled this, Tweeted and posted to my Facebook page!
Excellent piece!
Tonya´s last [type] ..Rabbit Hole
Seriously people! I talk to my hubby like this all the time but at least we do it through private IM.
That’s better, right?
Bwahahahaha!
I needed this laugh this morning.
Wow. Some people really do need to get a life.
My hubby is NOT on Facebook. Probably never will.
He doesn’t get it like I do….*sigh*
My comments to him will be left on the bathroom mirror.
one cluttered brain´s last [type] ..Monday Monday-I might be paranoid
Ha! We’ve been known to IM from different rooms, like our house is some kind of mansion and he’s not really just like 20 feet away with a wall between us.
I am so glad my husband never goes on facebook. And I wish I had people as interesting on my facebook wall. Because my husband would think it was hilarious and then we could have another thing to talk about at night. Hehe this was perfect. I know not to post any loving messages becuase they would never get a response. And I;m cool with that.
Brittany at Mommy Words´s last [type] ..I’m Getting My Bliss on with Kleenex at Blissdom!
This is why I hate facebook. I am rarely on(well, rarely on my personal one).
Though, I have to admit that my ex and his (now) ex-wife fought things out on their (public) facebook walls, and I was highly entertained. May have even sat back with a tub of popcorn and clapped with glee.
This is perfection, and precisely why spouses should not be friends on Facebook!
Laughing my ass off. My husband prefers complete and utter rpivacy. He doesn’t even have a facebook page.
Bella´s last [type] ..What would I know about my gifted child
I have one friend with drama…the latest post was, “You cheatin (profanity, profanity, profanity, profanity, profanity), hope ur havin fun with ur ho”
Thank you for airing that out for all of us to see….yea nice. The following post was about cuddling with her 3 kids (the 3rd of which is a newborn).
Mamabennie´s last [type] ..The One Where I Rant About The Pediatricians Office
I have to admit, I have both fought and sent mushy posts to my hubby on FB, but no where near the extent as you’ve listed. I know, I know….bad Mama! I’ve been doing better about keeping my personal shit personal….
Good lord this is hilarious.
I farking hate facebook.
katie´s last [type] ..For The Love…Of Blogging Top Ten Tuesday
#4 Sickly Sweet is the one that I see the most and totally makes me gag. We have a husband-wife pair in our ‘hood who are on Facebook ALL the time with that crap.
If they didn’t live so close, I’d unfriend them
Wow. You know way more interesting people than I do. I have only seen the jesting “schmoopie” comments.
The hubs and I never really even comment on each others’ walls. I prefer to fight in person.
Jayme (The Random Blogette)´s last [type] ..Giani Granite Review & Giveaway
This is why I’m glad Matt is socially stunted…media-wise that is.
Ericka @ Creative Liar´s last [type] ..This is One Huge F-ing Horse
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking as reading this: “Thank GOD my husband doesn’t really do FB!!! Which of these would I have become?!”
Nicole Rivera´s last [type] ..TAKE ACTION TUESDAY- Let the EPA Regulate Factory Farms!
Yes! Thank you ! I’ve mostly been subjected to the over the top lovey dovey excuse me while I go vomit posts. Somewhat unrelated but FB had an unsubscribe option for about a month where you could comment and then unsubscribe so you don’t get the email notifications to everyone who comments after. I want that option back!
Hutch´s last [type] ..Problem Solved- Act Like an Alcoholic
#4 is the one I see the most as well. And as soon as it gets over the top – I hide every single one of their posts.
Chelsea´s last [type] ..My Super Awesome Wedding Video – Part 5
At the first sign of any of this non-sense- I hit DELETE!
Alitalyn´s last [type] ..Cookin It Up
Gigi, you complete me.
Oh and ditto to Cheryl. You and she can RULE the INTERWEBZ.
I hide those people so I don’t have to read their idiotic marrital issues. I have enough of my own. And I wouldn’t add my husband as a “friend” even if he wanted to. Then he’d know all about my secret Facebook boyfriend!
Sandra´s last [type] ..And just when you didnt think we could get any white-trashier
This is so funny and SO TRUE!
I can only imagine you have an excellent imagination and not that you actually read these things!
OMG…. some of those are hillarious. I can honestly say I haven’t seen comments like that but if I did I wouldn’t want to be reading them… too much on my own plate.
Anne´s last [type] ..A Wise Homemaker
So true!!
My husband and I have a couple of friends on facebook who engage in the lovey-dovery-gross-out stuff all the time…and then we sit in our house and mock them mercilessly.
Tracie´s last [type] ..on the verge
I HATE the notifications you get after commenting on someone’s status. I don’t FREAKING care what 20 other people had to say about it. I don’t even know them.
This is why I don’t use facebook. Even reading this post made my blood boil!
Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last [type] ..My optometrists big but
This has got to be one of the most laugh out funny posts I have read on the interwebz.
Also wise. I pretend that I don’t know my husband online. Then he’d be like, “How do you like my new profile picture?”
“What?”
“My new picture!”
“Oh I haven’t seen it.”
“How is it possible you didn’t see it?”
Hello. You just put it up 5 minutes ago and I have more than 100 friends? Duh.
That’s why I discourage him from talking to me online. Or at all really.
I. HATE. When my brother-in-law and his fiancee have the back-and-forth convos that could (and should) be held, oh, at home? Over the phone? Via text? Chat? Anything other than Facebook for the love of God?????
*breathing…breathing*
This is why I hid the both of them. Because I can’t handle it.
I hate seeing people bring any kind of unpleasant family business out into the open like that. At least it’s a little easier to look the other way and ignore when it’s on facebook than when people start talking like that in real life in public.
One reason to be glad that my husband thinks facebook is evil.
Stacy
Stacy´s last [type] ..Inspiring the Soul with Music
Too Funny! God help me if I get in on one of those threads- it is painful! There of course is also the painful parent and teenage child conversations that also go on. That can get real ugly!
Ha! Love these. Particularly #4. There is one couple on my friends list that sound EXACTLY like that. My hubs and I talk about it all the time. We just can’t believe that regular people that have been married for any length of time talk like that. Our conversation goes something like this . . .
Hubs: This is sick.
Me: No kidding. Doesn’t she ever call him an idiot? or an ass?
Hubs: Nope. Never.
Me: That is NOT normal.
Hubs: That is what I am saying. By the way, have you seen my athlete’s foot cream?
THAT is our normal.
I prefer to think that most couples are like us.
Annie @astonesthrowfrominsanity´s last [type] ..Tales of A Girl Scout Drop Out
Hi! Just stopping in because T at snuggle wasteland told me to.
I could not agree more with your post. It’s one of the many reasons I quit fb a few months ago.
I prefer my own little world.
sarah´s last [type] ..bubble girl
LMAO!!! I totally know many couples who are guilty of this very behavior. Okay, maybe not sooo bad… but lots of lovey-dovey things that make me want to vomit in my mouth. We get it. You’re happy. And married. But some things the whole world DOESN’T need to know.
It would be lovely to enter in a relationship with someone who ISN’T on facebook, but I realize that’s asking a lot.
Charlotte´s last [type] ..active within 24 hours
Holy hilariousness!!! I found your blog from Shell’s BFF post. This is soo funny! I can admit I have never been so dumb to do those but have seen some of them.
“Wife changes relationship status to “it’s complicated.” Too funny!
Popped over from your friend post on Shell’s blog! Can’t wait to read more!
hahahaha this post. Where’s the “like” button?
Hilarious! I think my husband and I have been slightly guilty of a couple of these!
Judy N.´s last [type] ..Superbowl Thoughts…
Oversharing on FB is annoying all on its own but its definitely more awkward when its between husband and wife!
Thanks for the laugh!!
Sarah M´s last [type] ..Menu Plan – February 7-13
All I said ( and just once ) I miss u honey
. And he replies I miss u too! It made me sick! Never again
I always think when I see people profess their love on facebook that they’re trying to convince someone they’re in love. Themselves maybe?
Lula Lola´s last [type] ..When Valentine’s Attack…
I’ve seen a couple play out #4 on Twitter. I finally commented that I loved them both too. Thank God the mushiness finally stopped!
Not sure how I missed this post, but I found it through Maureen over at http://www.tatterscoops.com/7-life-guides-ala-tatter-scoops/ today, so YAY!!!
L. Eleana´s last [type] ..Check Out My Latest Post on Skirt! The Forbidden List
I haven’t seen any of this on FB, thank God!
Marie Cole´s last [type] ..Spring BreakPart 2
I concur. In an ideal cyber-world, Facebook would be filled with casual pleasantries!
Jeannie Finelli, RN´s last [type] ..Yoga for Two
Wow…I really really hope that was an huge exaggeration!!! I would have to filter those two. LOL. Cute post. I LOL’d literally!
Yes! The sad thing is I know people like that… Sigh. Seriously, do they have to air all their laundry for the rest of us to read? Not only do I not need to “hear” it, but it is not good for a marriage, at all (at least all the negative comments).
Visiting from SITS
Lol, lol, lol! I’m sure we have all seen this TOO many times (I know I have)! Great post
Elena´s last [type] ..Pillow Talk- 7 Ways To Reuse Your Old Pillows
I would NEVER have these conversations online.
Have you seen some of these?
Happy Sits day!
hahahhaha!! That was the best! Kind of reminded me of the iPhone convos where the autocorrect kicks in. Super funny…thanks for the laugh before bed!
OMG. You are brilliant. I just fell out of my chair laughing at this.
Facebook has indeed raised passive-aggressiveness to an art form…
Comments on this entry are closed.
{ 2 trackbacks }