At this time last year, I chose the word FEARLESS to be my word of 2012.
When I wrote that post, I had no idea how much my ability to be fearless would be tested in 2012.
We bought a house just a month after my husband started a new (commission-based) job and with my income being highly variable.
My sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Our kids started another new school.
I got laid off 3 months after moving into our house.
I struggled with my professional abilities.
As a family, we looked all of these challenges right in the eye and stared them down. There were tears, there was worry, but there was also a constant whisper in the back of my head: it will all be okay.
And it is.
As I look ahead to 2013, I pondered what word I might want to describe the coming year. What do I want 2013 – and my place in it – to be?
I thought of a lot of shoulds:
I should be mindful.
I should be present.
I should be balanced.
I should be confident.
I should be content.
I should be open.
I should be challenged.
Then I spent most of the first week of a 23-day school holiday break ignoring all of the things my brain told me I SHOULD be doing:
I should be seeing what my friends are up to on Facebook.
I should be getting to the post office to mail that package.
I should be writing more blog posts.
I should be organizing my 10,000+ photos.
I didn’t do any of those things.
I slept in every day. I reveled in our silly new dog’s antics. I read books to my kids. I made them waffles when they wanted waffles, instead of saying I was too busy. None of what I did was planned. It just was. When a life moment presented itself to me, I just lived it – without thinking about it and without asking myself if there was a better use of my time.
It occurred to me this morning that there’s a power one gains in ignoring all of the things one SHOULD be; a power in not trying so hard to control the undercurrents of life; a power in sitting at the edge of the shore and letting the next wave come to you.
If I ignore the SHOULD, all that’s left is the BE.
It a ridiculously simple word, and yet, to just BE is never that easy.
So my word for 2013 is Be.
I will be wherever life wants me to. Not where I should go, but where I am, right here, right now.
And that sounds about as perfect as it gets.