We’re all looking back at 2011, reflecting on what it meant, what we accomplished and what we didn’t, and what lies in store for 2012.
I wanted to think of one word to describe 2011 for me. 2011 was a year full of blessings, excitement, happiness and laughter.
But the word that immediately leapt to the forefront was: imbalance – extreme imbalance.
This post was going to be about how I worked way too much this year, day after day. How I never felt I was doing enough at my various freelance jobs and didn’t feel I could ever say no to any opportunity that came my way. How I ended up not leaving the house for three days, barely having spoken to my kids for all I had on my plate. How I wasn’t able to volunteer at the school for most of the fall. How I wasn’t able to arrange one playdate for them since we’ve moved. How I had to blow off friends and family more than once.
But I realized that the imbalance was just a symptom of something else – that something else being the true hallmark of my 2011.
That something else was fear.
I spent a lot of 2011 being fearful. I feared we’d never leave Texas and feared a move would be a horrible mistake. I feared the pressure of having to be the sole provider of our family and feared not getting the next freelance job to be in the position to be a provider. I feared that if I didn’t spend enough time in social media, my career would suffer and feared being a disengaged parent. I feared being a success and I feared being a failure. And over the last two weeks, I feared that I might have breast cancer – and feared both not being around for my family and feared being sick in front of them.
Fear messed me up this year. I allowed it to make me less than I am. I allowed it to lead me to poor decision-making. I allowed it to breed unnecessary drama. I allowed it to separate me from the things that are life-giving.
When I got the news this morning that I do not have breast cancer, fear released its grip on me. Everything I worried about in 2011 seemed to fade away in importance today.
I am blessed with health.
So I am declaring 2012 the year of fearlessness.
I will love my children without fear of what happens to my career. I will let my career take care of itself. I will do today’s work without fear that my job will might be gone tomorrow. I will make choices more from my heart than from my head. I will trust that the decisions we’ve made as a family are the right ones. I will not fear dropping pageviews or plummeting Klout scores. I will work on giving myself over to what the universe has planned for me instead of trying to control every tiny chess piece.
If I can live without fear, I live with balance. With gratitude. With peace. And this is what I wish for all of you in 2012, too – fearlessness, and peace.
What one word would you use to describe your 2011, and what one word do you hope will define 2012?
I’m putting up a linky if you write a post about this topic. I’m not giving anything away. I just want there to be a place for you to share.